Hikari Suicide
by yamiskoi
Summary: When an hikari's will to live is lost...it drives them to suicide. What happens when that hikari is found? What happens when Ra grants that hikari a second life... at a price? And why is everything so... bloodstained? Completed
1. Hikari death

Yami's koi: this fic contains material some may find offensive. It's a suicide fic. Cattypatra if you're reading this, Fallen Angel inspired me. Cattypatra, this is dedicated to you, Neutral Man, Alainia, Ville Valo & Bam Margera. Thank you.

Neutral Man: if you don't like suicide...don't read. Simple. Please review.

Yami's koi: thank you so much, Neutral Man. You were always there...now. ONTO THE FIC! More at the end!

I grasp hold of the object that will end my life, admiring the shine it took. No one's around, no one to ruin my ideas. No one I can run to if I decide to get help. Though, that's the way it's always been. There was only one who would listen.

I came to Domino because we moved, because of the 'nice' atmosphere. Reluctant, of course. I knew I would regret it, somehow. Not that I miss my old home, it wasn't like I had many friends there either. And those who were eventually betrayed me.

If anything, the only attention I got was violence. Bullies would hunt me down, find me, no matter where I was, no matter where I ran, they would beat me, and I would remain silent.

Once I considered suicide. But I couldn't muster that strength. No, the will. I had only one reason to live, and that was to fulfil my dream. And now that dream has withered, rotted like some fruit, falling away from conscious thought.

I am pulled back to my plans by a car door slamming outside. Smirking, I take myself and the tool of my death to my room--wait, our room. I share one room with another, share my vessel with another. Yes, I am one of the three hikari's. I only hope the others may have a more comforting death than the one I am about to have.

I pause, soak in the sight of every poster on the wall, every colour on the sheets, every scent in the air. Even savour the uncanny darkness. Tch, must've forgotten to pull the shades back before I went to that hell hole of a school. How unusual of me. What little light roams in from a crack in the curtains, and I laugh. It reminds me almost of myself. The tiny shimmer of light representing what is known as my innocence. Weak, no use to anyone, and barely there.

I sigh, baring my wrist to the cold steel of the knife. Then I shiver, my skin unused to the coldness of the blade. I press the sharp edge into my flesh tentatively, then going all out, using my strength to force it to bite the skin.

I then gradually move the knife across the width of my wrist, piercing the skin there efficiently. A well of blood rises to the paleness of my flesh, before trailing along the edge of the knife.

My eyes seem to glitter at this, and I release a shrill, haunting laugh, content that it could draw blood so fast. I would have used glass, had I found any. It punctures the skin much easier, and it would have drawn my darkness to me faster, but I want this to go slow. Slow and painful, just like the way how I feel. No motives have brought me to this stage, but the loneliness. The knowledge that no one's there.

I have thought about the others. I wonder, as the blood pours down my wrist and onto the floor, should they care more when I'm dead than when I was alive, or will they not even notice I've gone?

I conclude then that I don't care. All I want is death; I want it to consume me, like so many others before me. I take the blade from inside my gash, and take a small lick at my blood on the now warmer steel.

I shiver. The coppery salt of my essence is somewhat bitter to my liking. I move my knife then not to my wrist, but to my chest. Devoid of my shirt, I make another deep, stinging wound, the tingle sending bolts of satisfaction into my mind. I urge my hand to go faster, knowing that the pain would be numbed if I did so. Like it has so many times before.

My vision began then to blur slightly, and I smiled, knowing that my end would be nearing. Unaware that the blur were tears that were not my own.

I make one last cut, inside my other wrist, though I find it harder now, the hand holding the knife weakened by the loss of blood. I manage after several minutes to make blood pour, and decide my body has had enough of being cut.

Glancing around, I take note of the blood that's pooled around me. All of which came from me. I smile, knowing what it meant, what proof it gave. Proof that I had finally done it. Meaning I was about to die. And without regret, why should I feel that? I shouldn't feel guilty for what other people have done.

Or rather what they haven't.

A throb begins to form in my chest. Oddly, the pains from my cuts are fading, causing a slight sting, but nothing more. Yet the pain in my chest is worse than any I have ever faced, and I gasp, clutching my chest as I pant for air. I cough up blood, the sticky, nauseous tang of it flowing down, only to pool in the reams that has already come out.

Strange, I think. To have lost so much of this vital liquid, and yet still live. Another minute or so I can live with.

My body relaxes, my knees thudding harshly onto the hard floor. I gasp hard at the pain, thus bringing yet more of the blood from my lips and wounds. With it I feel a pang of fear threaten to engulf me, yet banish it quickly. I have no room left for fear of what I have done. No longer can I live upon this earth, roaming aimlessly and without hope of finding what I need.

My attention then wanders back to the small strip of light. I scorn myself silently: for I should have no darkness in my departing room, when my heart is so numb with angst. Funny, how small things transfix you when you're without hope.

My attention then is brought back to breathing, a shot of pain crashing through my chest. My breathes are short and more laboured now: I know that I won't stay here long. And with my breathing there is more pain, pain that I feel is not my own. It's coming from the link. Realisation dawns. I turn my head, towards the door.

He stands, horrified at what he sees. A hand touches his mouth, then runs itself through his hair--a most endearing habit of his. He rushes over, falls to his knees besides me where I lie, shaking his head. The hand he had rose came down then, grasping my own shakily. I can feel an iciness engulf me, as does the feeling that I have made the most terrible mistake of my life. That there was a way out. It had always been there. And it was my yami.

"How...hikari, my light, why? Please, don't go, I...I love you," he whispers, one lone tear making its way down his cheek, the first I have ever seen him shed. And the last. I weakly smile as I hear his confession, knowing it shall be the last thing I would remember.

"I love you too...Kura...Don't ever... forget there's always... something... worth living for..." I say, closing my eyes silently as death drags me down into is domain. Bakura's tears fall onto my face more frequent now, the warm touch a comfort as I sink into oblivion. Before I fall completely into this abyss, I feel his lips touch my own.

Then, darkness.

Owari

Yami's koi: I actually cried writing this. It reminded me of my own suicide times. The songs that inspired me for this were Papa Roach: Last Resort, Evanescence: My Last Breath. And of course, Cattypatra, the writer.

Neutral Man: if you didn't guess from very early on, it was Ryou.

Yami's koi: Duh. Well...I guess reviews will greatly be appreciated. My other fic is happier than this; it's all about love and fluffy stuff.

Neutral Man: in your reviews, please tell her what was good about this. It's her first suicide fic. Also...do you want a Bakura point of view to go along with this?

Yami's koi: I can do that. He'd be out somewhere, and feel the pain of his Ryou, then come rushing to meet him. Or, I could have Ryou in the underworld, & Ra grants him life again at a price. It's over to you now.

All: Well, BYE! LUVVIES! Plushie of Ryou to reviewers!


	2. Bakura reveals all

Yami's koi: First off a BIG thanks to reviewers.

Neutral Man: Yup. She reads them all, she's encouraged. A lot.

Yami's koi: first off sorry to the lover's of Ryou: I love him too! I dunno. Just felt... very attached to Ryou when I wrote this.

Neutral Man: You decided what to do with this next chappie?

Yami's koi: yes and no. Still undecided so...I think I'll do both. This chap focusing on Bakura, then Ryou with Ra.

Bakura: you make a price too great and I'll kill you.

Yami's koi: Eep! More at the end.

[Ryou to Bakura] [[Bakura to Ryou]]

Sunlight pours down onto my face and into my eyes as I struggle down the busy street, laden with groceries. Many are chatting, holding hands or pointing to things that take to their fancy. Seems only I can see how annoying that is. The only sunlight I need is Ryou.

I sigh, weaving through the streams of shoppers smoothly. Ryou. The one who I had once bruised, and scarred. Only when I saw how things could be did I relent. Recently I've been redeeming myself for those mistakes. Shopping being one of them.

Truth is...I love my Ryou. Ironic, isn't it? I, the once heartless and merciless Tomb Robber, who murdered for his own pleasure, have fallen in love. With the purest and most naïve person imaginable. The Gods move in strange ways.

Course, the Pharaoh has seen it. It's amazing really that he could stop screwing Yugi for a moment just to realise it.

['Nice atmosphere? Nice people?' My arse.]

I freeze then; listening harder to the voice I am certain is Ryou's. But... I've never heard him sound like that. So cold...and yet in this world so empty. It's almost as if he has no emotion left.

I try to contact him, willing my frozen limbs to carry me into a run, knowing that he was in some form of danger. His mind defences are up, and I feel a pang of hurt at that. Why be linked together like that only to block ourselves off? I start into a run.

[No one's here anymore. That's how it's always been.]

'No Ryou,' I think hurriedly, 'I'm here for you. I always have. I love you. Damn it why won't he talk to me?!'

I turn, running full force across the road, hearing several car horns blare at me in return. But I don't care. I need to find my hikari, now! What if he's injured, or hurt? I'd never live with myself if that's the case.

"Tomb Robber!" A voice calls. I turn. Finding it's the Pharaoh. I have no time!

"Pharaoh, one question and one only! Where's Ryou?" I demand, catching him by surprise. At his silence, I turn, taking a side alley as a short cut. Those few moments with the Pharaoh could have been critical to my light's life! I scream in frustration, urging my legs to carry me faster.

The blackness of the alley soon dissolves into a clean street, one which I recognise as my own.

[I wonder if I'll be missed?]

At that I pause. Missed? Implying that he's about to die? Shit I hope I'm not too late. I run again, vaulting our garden wall expertly. Landing not so brilliantly into a hedge. I growl in anger, the shopping lying there as I force my hand to co-operate. It trembles in anxiety, the key refusing to enter the lock.

I snarl quietly a curse in Egyptian, using my Shadow Magic to open the door instead. I race upstairs.

[I am so close...]

Close to what? I fear the answer.

I open the door to our room, and stare. A vast amount of blood pools around his gasping figure on the floor, staining his clothes red. Still blood leaks out of slashes seen on his upturned wrists. I see him tense, then his head turns to face me, his eyes wide.

No way is this happening. Not to him. Not to someone so innocent. My hand touches my mouth to force back a sob, then running through the spikes of my hair. I rush over to him, my knees sinking into the cooling substance in which he lives with. I shake my head, as if to say nay to the universe, that this is an illusion. That Ryou is okay.

But I know he isn't. I stare into his eyes, no spark of happiness or hope in them. Only guilt. And at that moment I realise that he knew he was doing something he would regret.

My hand falls to grasp his own, my form shivering all over. His hand is cold, so cold I fear that he may not survive for me to tell him this. To tell him what I have not dared to, for fear of rejection. Now I know I'd rather have him reject me than leave this world. Our world.

"How...hikari, my light, why? Please, don't go, I...I love you." I whisper brokenly, a tear trailing its way down my cheek. The last thing he would remember. My tear, my confession.

I am truly shocked when I hear him speak next. Shocked at what he tells me.

"I love you too...Kura...Don't ever...forget there's always...something... worth living for..."

His eyes fall to a close before I may express my awe. With a shuddery breath I allow more tears to fall onto his pale, cold cheek. I cannot believe that he would have done something this devastating.

Before he draws his last breath, my lips brush across his own.

Owari (End)

Yami's koi: and that concludes chapter two. Shortest I have ever done.

Neutral Man: review if you like, don't if not.

Yami's koi: how friendly of you, Neutral Man. Thanks again to all of the reviewers from the previous chap. Song of inspiration: HIM, Gone with the Sin, Evanescence, My Last Breath.

Neutral Man: next chapter is finalised: Ryou POV, with Ra and Osiris.

Yami's koi: Luvvies! Catch you whenever dudes. R&R if you wish to, Yami and Bakura plushies to reviewers.


	3. When Love & Death Embrace

Yami's koi: I'm back. Slightly happier because of the new chappie, and the kick-ass reviews, along with the kick-ass reviewers.

Neutral Man: I don't understand your ideas, and you told me yesterday.

Yami's koi: that is because I'm the Authoress. I find it hard to explain. I'll have my work cut for me when Ryou realises Ra's price.

Bakura: I repeat, make a price too great and you'll pay dearly.

Yami's koi: Er, ok. Cowers See you at the end!

I open my eyes, hoping to wake and discover it had been a dream. That it had all been in my head. I was alive, I was with Bakura. That everything was okay.

If only I could put myself under that illusion.

I am faced with a person, one without actual eyes, replaced with large sapphire orbs. It makes it very difficult for me to interpret his current emotions, yet I can sense he is angry, or extremely sorrowful. He wears a white headpiece with a blue ribbon wrapped around it. To cover his nakedness he wears a cotton – dare I say it – towel around his waist, folded over into a complicated looking knot. His bronzed chest is fully exposed, save the jewel-encrusted gold worn around his neck. Doubtless an Egyptian.

Should I quake in fear at the figure before me? No. I have faced death. What could possibly be worse?

"Does Ryou Bakura know to whom he looks upon?" A deep, rumbling voice asks, startling me from my internal pain. I stare into his large 'eyes,' almost fearful at the power in his voice. Rivalling even the Pharaoh's own.

"No." I answer quietly. I don't know what else to say. To be honest, who would? A dark plane appears in replacement of the dank underworld, and an authoritative sounding – and looking – male emerges. How am I supposed to react? Fall onto my knees and kiss his feet? I don't think so.

He chuckles darkly at my reply. "And why should you?" He asks, "Why should the modern age believe in a God which religion died centuries ago? Though I am curious. I entrusted Bakura into your care, did I not? Fortunate that he should fall in love with his own hikari."

"What do you mean?" I whisper, my heart throbbing at Bakura's name having a mention. He loved me, he truly did. And all I did in return was suicide and obstruct him from my feelings. I didn't tell him what was tearing me apart. How could I be so foolish as not to see it? Yami's love for Yugi I recognised immediately!

The Egyptian smiles wryly, raising his arms to unmask something that makes me automatically gasp. A man stands behind him, bearing an ankh.

"I give you the God of Rebirth and Death, Osiris," The God declares, pointing to himself after, "and myself, Ra, the Sun God."

My eyes widen at that. Ra and Osiris?! Too freaky. Are they going to condemn me to an eternal torment in Hell? Or simply scorn me for the nature of my death?

I decide both.

Bakura POV

He has not breathed for many minutes now. All I can do is weep, weep until I have no tears left to shed. I tremble, blaming myself for never asking how he was feeling. How his day had gone. Hating myself for using my first few months with him by harshly delivering pain to that fragile body of his. Now broken further by the cuts that still seep with his blood.

The shudders really begin to rack my body now at the sight of so much blood around his body. Saliva gathers in my mouth, and I know that isn't a good sign. I race to the bathroom, choke up my vomit until my sides ache. I shiver like a frail person, ridding myself of the aftertaste with splashes of water into my mouth.

It's like I thought before. Why have a link, why be bonded so tightly like that only to prevent the other from knowing what truly is tormenting them? I almost envy the Pharaoh for his happiness. For the closeness of he and Yugi. How can I continue now without my Ryou? Will my Millennium Ring aid me somehow in finding him again?

Then I laugh at my stupidity. I act almost as if he will come back. Almost as if his death did not happen. Ra gave me the gift of life again for many reasons. One being to protect and assist my light when needs be. And what have I done? Nothing. Only devastation. My hand runs through my hair.

What will become of me?

Ryou POV

"R-Ra and O-Osiris?" I stutter, tensing as I feel a flash of amusement from the two Gods. I flinch as Osiris' eyes latch onto my own. Instead of his orb-like eyes coloured as a darker blue, his are entirely black, matching perfectly our surroundings. They are soulless, and even jaded with bitterness and a dutiful manner. It perplexes me.

And then I remember what Ra had said. The God of Death. I can picture how his eyes would have been before he had undertaken such a responsibility. They would be wider than they currently are, and an emerald shade. He would not look quite so saddened in his features, either.

"Such a naïve mortal," Ra laughs, "And yet so blackened by what he deemed was his life. Strange how certain hikari's may do so much better, isn't it? Or at least happiness wise. You were crafted much akin to Yugi Mutou. That is from whence your original innocence originated."

"Why, little Ryou?" Osiris asks then, "why torture yourself so? And why must you pain your Tomb Robber in such a way? His thoughts tell me he knows not of what he shall become now without you beside him. Seems that even the yami's may be lonely and depressed. Does my master agree?"

"He does," Ra replied. His eyes seem to grow icier, though I find myself struggling to know for sure. All I have is his voice to tell me how he feels. And even then it is tainted with power. "You did not savour often the gift of life, did you little Ryou? Instead you did not see what you truly had."

"Mortals have negatives dominating the actual reality of things," Osiris cut in abruptly. "They do not understand that everyone has at least one hardship to deal with daily, and whether minor or major is for us to decide. And yet they assume it is their own actions that influence such occurrences. What complete folly."

I flinch and cower slightly at the anger in their voices, the chill of the atmosphere. I beg them to relent, and they only mock me harder.

"Why should we silence? This was your outlook on life, Master Ryou. Or at least your outlook until you realised that you had terribly erred. That you had your yami to live for."

"Please," I beg, streams of tears slipping down my cheeks to land at their feet, "please, don't do this to me!"

At last they fall quiet. Then Ra asks, in a low voice:

"Would Master Ryou be prepared to admit that life was not as it had seemed in those unlit days? Prepared to accept the consequences for his actions?" Osiris' head slowly turns to Ra's, almost in wonder. He knows, I think, he knows that something is underway. Something I will most probably hate and yet willingly oblige to.

"He would." I answer gradually. The God of Death then speaks in his native language to his master, only to be silenced with a palm raised. I watch, slightly confused.

"My mind has made its decision." Ra murmurs, "and for you to question me would mean torture. I suggest you remain hushed until prompted to speak."

He turns then back to me, and I feel his gaze probe into my mind. He lingers especially on my last moments alone, smirking slightly at the memory of Bakura's entry. At the panic I felt when I saw him watching. At the reasons I gave for why I suicided. I fear him, and this dank place without Bakura.

And I fear what he will do to me.

Bakura

"TOMB ROBBER!" A shout sounds from downstairs. My eyes narrow in spite of my grief. What _fool _dares enter my domain? Does he not know who I am?

I listen closely. Realising it is the Pharaoh. Too late I rub at my eyes. He races towards me, his koi entering my room. The Pharaoh asks how I am, and then I hear a loud, piercing scream. It seems I have some explaining to do. Yet at that thought, more tears fall.

"Ba-B-Bakura...?" Yugi manages through sobs as he returns. Yami abandons me and rushes to his light's side, hushing him and whispering comforting words.

And at the sight of them together my pain only increases. I avert my gaze.

The Pharaoh's eyes bore into my head, then divert to the easily visible room that is now my own. His eyes take in the blood, and he leaves Yugi there to cry as he examines its source. I hear him gasp, and swear repeatedly in our language. He turns slowly back, his eyes devoid of emotion. Granted, his cheeks have paled considerably. Yet he cannot compare to my internal heartache.

"Bakura?" He manages shakily, not quite so uncontrolled as his beloved, "what's happened here?"

I glance up at him and release a sob. A hand rushes to wipe my lips as my tears fall, renewed. I find no easy way in which I may tell him this. The only way I may choose is one of suffering. I clear my throat.

"Ryou, he... er..." I start, pausing to take a soothing breath. I can take my time with this. They can wait. "...Ryou has...committed suicide."

Their mouths fall open. Yugi bites his lip, hugging his yami tightly with his face turned to mine.

"He's dead? Why didn't he tell us?" He demands, stifled hastily by the Pharaoh. He seems to recognise my pain. A stray tear falls down his cheek, the only one that does so from him. He must pity me.

"Bakura..." Yugi began after a long cry, "d-did Ryou ever g-get to tell you that... h-he loved you?"

I allow more tears to fall before managing a nod.

Yami's koi: slightly longer. But I feel it's better than the second chap is.

Neutral Man: you didn't say what Ra would do to Ryou!

Yami's koi: it's for suspense, sorry if that annoys you dudes.

Bakura: GIRL! THEPHARAOHENTEREDMYHOUSE!

Yami's koi: er, so he did! But he'll play a vital part later, and Yugi, unless I cook up a different plot. Have any of you guessed Ra's plan? Hope not!

Neutral Man: I still don't understand! How can you do that?!

Yami's koi: sighs oh well. Reviews would be appreciated greatly. Plushie of Dark Magician Girl to those who do. Or if you don't like plushies, have some ice creams. So...BYE! Catch ya for the next chap!


	4. Perusal and Rebirth of an Angel

Yami's koi: I figure now angst is the genre for me. Who'd have thought? I thought this was gonna be a one shot. Guess my 'inner-rage' comes out well when I write. But I won't deny I don't have scars.

Neutral Man: yep. But at least that rage doesn't come out on me!

Yami's koi: yeah. So...no one guessed right! I dunno when Ryou will understand the severity of Ra's 'bargain,' still...it'll be interesting anyways. Thank you again for the reviews, I LOVE the comments. Oh &...sorry if any of you were offended at the Yami/Yugi coupling, they're my joint favourite with Ryou/Bakura.

Neutral Man: more at the end! Enjoy this chap!

"Know this, Ryou Bakura," Ra murmurs during the perusal of my mind. "I shall only lift this curse when you finally realise the full extent of what you have done. And, of course, when you complete the tasks I will send for you to do..."

I feel nervous at that. And the usage of the word 'curse' does not improve matters. What missions will he give me, how taxing shall he make them? More importantly, will he prevent me and Bakura being linked, or lovers? Maybe both. And at that my heart shatters.

"Do not feel afraid, Master Ryou," Osiris then speaks, his shadowy eyes gazing upwards – or, from what I can tell. It's so damn difficult when he has orbs for eyes. "This punishment has been the fate of many. My liege would never give anyone a burden too heavy, or a destiny too harsh. He has much more mercy than that."

Ra smiles, adjusting the cotton kilt wrapped around his waist. The endless orbs he has intrigues me, as does their depth. And from where they originated. I suddenly feel very curious, and begin to break into my questions. Though I know I must tread softly. I cannot offend him, or Osiris. And for that reason I use honorifics.

"Um, Ra-san? If I'm not being so rude...may I ask why you don't have proper eyes?"

Both Gods stare at me then, as if unbelieving of the question I had just asked. Or simply offended.

"We are not mortal, Ryou. We are, in fact, very old, even for an immortal. We dwelled, at the times before men and the universe, in a scalding light. Our eyes, or anything so mortal, has long since been burned away. That is why many of us have adopted the heads of our respective creatures, or crafted ourselves orbs which represent our duties as Gods. If any mortal was to enter the blistering light where we once had our abode...they would instantly be fried."

It makes sense. "But would you have removed something so human if the light didn't erode them anyway?" I ask, almost sounding like Yugi. I feel a stab of guilt at the reminder. It's only now that I consider what I left behind. I once asked Yugi how he could maintain his innocence, and he simply shrugged. 'I'm not as pure as everyone thinks, Ryou,' he had said. He sounded exactly like me in that instance. Not quite so flawless at everyone liked to think.

Ra considers my last question in what I think is a thoughtful manner. Soon he nods. Osiris remains relatively quiet, though his orbs turn less rounded, the equivalent to the narrowing of one's eyes.

"Yes. Many would not be stripped of their honour if they did not, and would be mocked by those who had done so themselves. I, as the King of Gods, felt I could not look quite so alike as my cattle."

Cattle, I think, meaning cattle of Ra, what he calls mortals. What I call people.

"Osiris?" I turn to the Death God. "How severe shall my penalty be?"

"That is for my master to decide." He replies, a staff materialising in his hand. Intricate patterns intertwine cleverly upon it to look like many. The rounded part is a navy colour, the rod being a dark purple. Yet when he moves it to point at me, it flashes somewhat crimson. His eyes, if possible, darken further, and I flinch.

"However, you did something that we did not write in the events of your life. Something that we did not plan. It is not in your hands to make your fate better, but it is in your hands to make it worse. And you, Master Ryou, are going to be far away happiness by this penalty in which you are about to take." He whispers threateningly.

I want Bakura now, more than ever, as I sink further into regret. And I regret ever making a mark upon my body. Ever once doubting that anyone was there for me. Speaking of which...I glance down to my wrists where the cuts were made. No blood flows now, but the slashes are deep. The one across my chest is the same.

Bakura...please save me...

Bakura

My head snaps up. I feel a plea, a call dimly heard. The voice begs for my coming. My arms wrap around my slender body, an attempt for minor solace. To no avail.

"Ryou..." I whisper. My eyes remain stubbornly dry, and have done since the Pharaoh and his lover has gone.

I feel grateful for that. Despite being quite the thick headed, arrogant Game King, he can be understanding. And that consideration has only blossomed since he has been with Yugi.

I laugh bitterly, a laugh of remorse. Yugi. The one so much like my own hikari. Yet not no more. No more will I be able to compare the two, not only because Ryou is dead, but also because I will eventually be turned mad by my despair.

And despair I do. I wonder what Ra would say to me now. How he would berate me for my foolishness and cruelty to the boy. I wonder...would he blame me for this offence? Or would he know what has occurred here today, know entirely what has happened and why?

Indeed. Why did Ryou do this? What was it that he had said to me before he had died?

'I love you too...Kura...Don't ever... forget there's always... something... worth living for...'

_There's always something worth living for._ Hold up...does that mean he really didn't want to die, that someone had driven him to such a stage? What did he think was worth to live for? And why did he not consider that reason to live before he did suicide? It doesn't fall into place!

Ryou

Ra and Osiris converse now in their own tongue, frantically discussing what is most likely my fate. An occasional glance is thrown my way, though I feel too distressed to fully notice them. My insides are numb, and I find myself thinking about Bakura. My first love...

Although seventeen, love has avoided me. Once a chaste kiss, but that meant nothing. It was Yugi who made me admit I liked Bakura. And then soon after I confessed to him that it ran much deeper than that. That I loved him. Yugi told me how he longed for his yami, and I simply smiled. I had perceived it. It was just how they'd been acting around each other. They probably didn't notice, but they were WAY too close. They unconsciously flirted; gazed into each other's eyes a lot, things like that.

I realise they have stopped talking in Egyptian. They stare at me, most probably guessing what I am remembering.

"Ryou, we have agreed on your curse. You shall be reincarnated, though your life shall not be as it seems...or, like it seems."

I blink many times. No matter how many times I repeat the words in my head, they make less sense than the original, more rational explanation. How tedious.

"I don't understand."

"Oh trust me, you will do," Osiris mutters quietly, in a low hiss of malice. "We don't expect you to yet realise the extent of what you have done, or what you have earned from doing it. Although your type of death is often brought to our attention, we cannot express the severity of what you have done. Not only to yourself, but to those around you."

"Rightfully said," Ra interjects, "your tasks shall be sent as a mind signal. As you walk back into your world...just remind yourself that things shall never be as they were. Many occurrences have led you to this turning, despite our futile attempts to deprive you of all thoughts. Your life shall be rewritten, as will the events. Who knows...you may never even find Bakura again." He ends calmly.

At that I panic slightly. "Whoa, what do you mean by that? I'm linked to Bakura, you can't sever that bond!"

Ra sighs. "True, we cannot." Then his eyes seem to change colour slightly, a sign, I take it, that his mood is altering. "But we can separate you."

Bakura

My thoughts bring me a headache, though that may be the nauseous scent of blood wafting from down the corridor. What can I do? I have not the strength to lift him from where he lies. And yet I know I must. I must clean his blood. I must arrange the necessary ceremony.

Though it's almost as if I fear the very room now. And just so what if I do remove Ryou's corpse? I shall never have the heart to return there. I sigh. The swifter my fear is confronted, the better.

Ironic, I think, my heart pounding, as I slowly approach the room. That I have seen many dead bodies – many of which I had myself killed – and yet I cannot face one which I did not. Strange how the mind can increase fear from just the memory of a name.

I slowly creak the door open that the Pharaoh had himself closed. My breath draws in deeply, released in a gasp when the room is fully opened to me.

Ryou's body is no longer here.

Ryou

I widen my eyes reflexively. I feel like retching, but I swallow it back down. To puke at the feet of a God would only infuriate them further. I close my eyes shakily. I must consent to this.

"Okay. I'll go back to Earth."

Ra's smile turns wry. "You thought you had a choice in the matter?"

I lower my head. When it rises again, Osiris and Ra have gone. My head whips around to seek them out. I find nobody. My head turns to see directly ahead of me, and there stands another God. His head is that of a jackal, the rest of his body being human.

"Greetings, Ryou Bakura. I am the God Anubis. I shall be the one to grant you back to Earth." He says. He heavily breathes, and I feel energy flooding back to me. Quite literally he had breathed life into me again. With one wave of his hand, I rise up to float. I struggle in panic, until he instructs me otherwise. Soon I relax, and find myself drifting off into a peaceful slumber...

Yami's koi: small notes here...the ancient Egyptians called themselves the cattle of Ra. The Orbs for eyes was made up, and the home of light.

Neutral Man: so...reviews are kindly taken.

Yami's koi: dark business will occur in the next chapter.

Bakura: why make Ryou suffer? Why not the Pharaoh? Glares

Yami's koi: because dear Kura...I have no idea. Hmm...guess Ryou was one I thought likely to suicide. Gomen nasai! Songs of inspiration: Papa Roach, Last Resort, HIM, The Sacrament, Evanescence, My Last Breath.

Neutral Man: thank you for the reviews, and past reviewers. This is all dedicated to you.

All: BYE! Catch ya for the next chap of Hikari Suicide. R&R at will. Plushie of Ryou with wings, or ice cream if you disapprove of plushies. BYE! o


	5. Rescuer

Yami's koi: WAHOO! New chap, not sure how this is gonna get started...

Neutral Man: you updated your profile! WHIPPYDEE DEE!

Yami's koi: er, yes, well, that can sometimes happen. Weirdo.

Bakura: anyone get the feeling I should've picked up my shopping when I vaulted that hedge?

Yami's koi: no. Ryou was in danger and you did an honourable thing.

Bakura: I did? Cool. Now I get to tell the Pharaoh he's an ass. Glares from Pharaoh, sweat drops from Ryou and Yugi Pharaoh, you're an ass.

Yami's koi: this is kinda long, so I'll be at the end of the page. Enjoy!

I close my eyes, trying to place where I am. The room I am in looks vaguely familiar, but there are a few sworn differences than what my mind remembers. There are many posters on the walls of Rock bands, or pictures someone has drawn. I try to stand, supporting myself on the large bed besides me. At length I succeed, and shakily I walk to stare at one of these pictures.

They are drawn brilliantly, almost every detail exact. Some are of Duel Monsters, people who I presume are dear to the artist, and some are of... beautiful gardens.

Roses blossom from one side of the canvas, a deep blood red. They stand near to a lush green hedge, where peach coloured flowers occasionally loom. Trees stand tall and strong on the opposite side of them, laden with many delectable, coloured fruits. There is a long and winding path running through the middle of this scene, and over that is a wooden bridge, overlooking the delicate flow of a stream beneath it. It's truly a wondrous sight, yet why draw something which gives me the vivid impression that the artist was longing when they drew this?

I sigh, and turn to face the window elegantly. The skies are becoming dark, streaked with pink and different blues. I near the window, and lower my eyes.

And instantly wish that I hadn't.

Someone prowls on the outskirts of the many alleyways that lead from and to this street. These alleys seem ridden with flies and an awful stench, sensed even from my enclosure. The walls of houses opposite me are dirty, so dirty that the brick colour seems to have eroded. A sound of glass being broke is distantly heard by my ears, as is the sound of a woman's scream, and then silence. The streets seem deserted, and yet something warns me that all is not as it should be.

My eyes narrow. Ra and his scheming God of the Dead have something to do with this. There is no doubt about it. This is not the street I remember. In fact, this isn't even the house I remember! I shiver, and wrap my arms around myself, backing away from the window.

"Scared, little Ryou?" A deep, grating voice asks, "Or just cold?"

I turn, and immediately acknowledge my surprise. Father. I feel relief for just one moment of security, then I feel the memories haunt me. I back away from him now, secretly thinking that whatever is outside, it's better than what is in here, with me.

"I...I'm fine, Otousama," I stammer. My back hits the wall behind me, and the well-known feeling of fear engulfs me. He smirks, advancing.

"Fine? You will be after I sate you in my arms tonight."

My heart freezes. My mouth opens in a wordless cry, horror shown on my face. He...he's going to rape me. Again.

Bakura

I blink many times. His body does not return. My head cocks itself slightly, and I come to a conclusion. It's the only rational thing I can think of doing right now. I race downstairs, grabbing the cordless phone and dialling the Pharaoh's number. I pace the kitchen, having run in there purely because of its space.

"Mutou residence."

"Is that Yugi?" I ask, knowing it to be him simply because of the softness to his voice. I don't even need to wait for his answer. "Yugi, it's me, Bakura. I need to talk to the Pharaoh. Er, I mean, please."

My manners still lack work. And motivation, now that Ryou's gone. Yugi breathes heavily down the phone. When he next speaks, his voice is thick with tears.

"Yami's gone out. Do you want me to pass on a message?"

"Yes," I answer quickly, not wanting Yugi to prattle on all day, as was his slight tendency to do so, "tell him to get his arse down to my place now. Tell him to bring all the Egyptian spell, lore and God books he can. Onegai, Yugi?" I end as a plead, hastily deciding to add, "It's about Ryou."

I hear him draw an astonished breath. In my heart, I sense a slight hint of pity in his voice as he answers:

"Hai, I will. I'll ring him and we'll come to yours straightaway."

Relief and gratefulness seeps through me at his word. "Thanks Yugi," I say, before hanging up.

Ryou

"Otousama...iie!" I cry, my eyes widening further when I see what he has produced from his back pocket. A knife. He turns the sharpness of the blade into my throat, and I wince, feeling the telltale droplets of blood well and trickle down my neck.

"IIE!" I scream, using some unknown strength to push past him and race onto the landing of this foreign place. Someone lurks on the stairs; I can sense it. I grip the rails on the landing, hard. Using whatever courage I have managed to save from my time in the Otherlands, I vault the wooden banister, landing ten-foot below on my feet. I cry out at the pain in my ankles from the sudden contact, but urge myself towards the door.

I wrench the rotting door open, hearing Otousama and the other thundering after me. I yell out, flinging myself forwards into the fastest run I have ever achieved in my entire life. My legs carry me down this filthy road, race to anywhere they can take me. I make a turn to the right, and suddenly an arm from nowhere reaches out and hauls me down onto the road, dragging my helpless body to an alley on the left.

"What--" The figure silences me with a finger on my lips. I will myself to remain quiet, suppressing even my heavy breathing, my whimpers from the burn in my side.

Soon we both hear two men's feet stride along, one with large, heavy boots. I note the studs that are embedded within them, and rack my brain to think of where I may have seen them before.

"Seems like he's gone, Keith."

At that I make a start, thankfully making no noise. Bandit Keith, of course! Who else would reek so much of beer and cologne, and carry a heavy load on his feet so needlessly?

"Yeah. He'll be back; he needs a place to sleep. Doubt he'd live it out here. But for when he comes back how about we go out drinking?"

"Sounds good to me," My father says, somewhat disappointed. "Pity...I was rather looking forwards to hurting the runt."

"Yeah, you should've seen the look on his loser face when he saw me on the stairs. It was priceless!" Bandit Keith howled, striding away with his harshly laughing friend.

It is only then that I turn to my rescuer. "Thank you so much," I murmur, dragging him into the light so I may see his face. His brow creases somewhat as he takes in my appearance. He then shrugs and beckons him to follow as he wanders off. Hastily I oblige. After all, I do need to repay this man for what he has done for me today. And, he is my friend. Who can say no to that?

"You're that kid from school," he says almost roughly, making a sharp turn to our right down another endless path.

I stop dead in my tracks.

Bakura

I have not left the kitchen since I have made that phone call to the Pharaoh's hikari. Why should it take someone so bloody long to come to another person's house? I told him it was urgent. If Ryou remains lost forever and I find that I could have done something to prevent that, then I would never forgive them for it. Cruel? Perhaps so. But to have loved and lost somebody so deeply, to be bonded in which only darkness and light can be bonded, its...indescribable.

I rarely cry, I see it as weakness. And yet Ryou always has been my one weakness, and my largest strength. I would slay the one who would DARE to hurt him, and blame myself if he would be taken away from me. He wasn't just my hikari.

Ryou always had this one smile, and he always saved it for me, especially when we were alone. Recently we had become... quite close. That is why we moved in together. I loved his eyes: so gentle, much unlike my own. His traits that I love were too many to recall; yet his blush... he sure did make me melt sometimes.

It is said that when you fall in love you are willing to forgive every offence anyone has ever done to you. But I am in love. And there has always been one person who I could never forgive. Not after this.

"Blasted Gods," I curse, drawing a knife from my back pocket carelessly. However, the sight of the object, so akin to the one Ryou used to kill himself with, just makes me break. I shakily sink to the floor, bringing my knees up so my head can bury itself.

Ryou

"You mean you... you don't recognise me?" I ask, tremors racking my body. He nods slightly.

"Yeah. Like I said, you're that kid who just moved here."

'Just moved here?' I've been here for nearly three years now. Could my saviour be jesting to take my mind off of things? It was likely, considering his personality. Something begs me to question him further, and I submit to that longing.

"Where are you taking me?"

He pauses then, and his eyes widen with shock. He tackles me to the ground, dragging me once more down an alleyway. He pulls me to stand. Before I can interrogate him, he hurtles down this dingy place, yelling at me to follow. I obey, and glancing back I see someone pursuing us.

"Someone's following us!" I scream, passing him as he stops. I hesitate, and turn. Why would he stop? I glance at the stalker. His hair is dark, his face unshaven, and his clothes reek of piss. My nose wrinkles.

"You wanna fight? Here's your fight!" The beggar slurs in an exclamation, darting forward. My rescuer dodges, and parries his blade with an equally powerful object. The two daggers glisten in the twilight, and soon the peasant falls. The saviour doesn't stop there, however. He crouches down and, with his entire might, stabs him in the chest, repeatedly, until with a froth of blood and saliva, he dies.

I approach the, slowly, cautious as he rises to look me in the eye. All of a sudden I am afraid, very afraid. Scared that this was someone I knew who had become a murderer. I spoke then, very quietly, and tearfully.

"Jou?!"

Yami's koi: cliffie! Don't you just HATE me? Um. I DO like Jou, he kicks ass. I didn't have him do that for no reason, TRUST ME.

Neutral Man: Not even I expected that.

Yami's koi: I don't tell you everything about the plots. The plots come to me from many sources. Fragments from dreams, ideas when showering, ideas when I drift between consciousness and unconsciousness...

Neutral Man: okay then. I get the point.

Yami's koi: okay. I forget always to state disclaimers and warnings. So below will be for all chapters in this work, k? Songs of inspiration: Evanescence: Everybody's fool/Hello/My Last Breath/Imaginary/My Immortal. Review if you wish no problems if not. BYE!

_WARNING! Hikari Suicide contains material that some readers may find offensive. Accordingly, Yami's koi must insist that the anti suicide readers must NEVER look under the angst category. WARNING! The characters in this entire work were naught from Yami's koi imagination. The characters belong to Kazuki Takahashi and other rich folk. The plot line, however, is claimed as her own creation. Accordingly, Yami's koi must insist that no on attempt to sue, or report possible abuse found in this fanfiction. We didn't hurt any animals in the making of this fic, so you shouldn't, either. _


	6. The irrational thoughts of an hikari

Yami's koi: heh. I have returned! JACKASS! VIVA LA BAM!

Neutral Man: She claims Bam Margera to be her husband because he is 'supposedly' hot. When really he looks like a piece of kack.

Yami's koi: he is hot! I love him; he's so cool. When I grow up I wanna marry him and we'll have kids and -- Anyways...I loved your reviews!

Bakura: and just why did Ryou nearly get raped?

Yami's koi: well, it all falls into place, doesn't it? It'll all unravel later, my dear Bakura of the Tomb Robbers... More at the end, dudes!

"Jou?!"

He lowers his weapon as he hears his name from my lips. He regards me almost darkly, though the light is making it very difficult to tell. He looks different now, much more different now that I have seen him kill another. He looks gaunt and so... so tainted. It sets him apart from the Jou I used to know.

"How do you know my name?" He growls quietly.

Again he has shocked me. And not only by that comment, but also by his voice. It's so emotionless, so dead. And how can he not recognise me, a friend who's always been there, when I have been at Domino for about two years?!

Something dirty is underway here, I can feel it. And it's all because of Ra and his stinking companion, Osiris. And let's not forget Anubis! They were all in on this, and I can see them now, in my mind, laughing at me for the decision I so foolishly made on that bloody day. It seems so long ago now.

Speaking of which... I glance down at my wrists. The mars I made have gone; no visible mark can be seen, the skin is clean and pale, just like they should've been. I can't even make out a pink scar line.

"Hello? Are you gonna answer me or what? How do you know my name?" Jou demanded, his impatience shining through his thick accent.

"I'm your friend," I answer, gazing up at him in a slightly panicked way. I back away slightly, terrified that I may lose my second life to a close friend. "I have been for two years now!"

"No," he whispers, putting more distance between us, "how can you? You only just arrived here in Domino. Sensei introduced you today, you forgotten? Or just trying to pull a fast one?" He says then, dangerously as he draws a new, clean blade from his jean pocket.

"JOU!" I shout, shaking his shoulders, "Get a grip! I'm Ryou, remember? We went to the Shadow Realm at Battle City, have you forgotten that? We duelled each other, we-"

"The Shadow Realm? Is this supposed to be some sort of a joke? What the hell is the Shadow Realm? I don't know why you're so disturbed, but you sure ain't any of my concern," Jou snarls, sheathing both his knifes in his scabbards. My eyes widen as I stare up at him in horror. He begins to walk away.

"No, JOU! JOOONNOOUUUUCCHHIIIIIIIIII!!!" I scream, my knees hitting the ground in defeat. As he nears the beginning of the street, I see him turn. His dirty blonde hair sways slightly in the breeze.

"Go home!"

Bakura

I've finally managed to shed the tears I have, which is most probably the best thing I can do. I hear a knock on the door, and get up shakily. I walk to the door and let them in, Yugi's arms full of the shopping I'd dropped.

At this I break down again. I sob again, releasing keen after keen for the soul I've now lost. The Pharaoh, surprisingly, takes me into his arms and begins to murmur comforting words to me. And yet naught that he says can make me stop my unearthly screams, no amount of solace can quell the flow of tears that now have drenched my face with its stickiness. My stomach aches with what I often mocked, it being both because of tears and depression. Already I feel our link weakening into naught.

And yet why would it be otherwise? Why would there still be a link, only to find a blank nothingness that drains me of more energy?

"Bakura?" Yami at length starts, noting that my tears had long since been spent, "What's happened?"

I wipe my sore eyes wearily. "Twice now you've asked me that today and twice it's been shit news. It's about Ryou..."

"Bakura..." The Pharaoh moans, his eyes staring at me in pure pity, "He's gone, Kura. Do you want us to help you move his body?"

I shake my head. "There's one slight complication with that, Yami..." I sigh, knowing that he would never believe me, or think I am maddened by grief, "I don't know where his body is...its not in his room. I haven't moved it and you two haven't...so who has?"

Ryou

I decide that I have sobbed enough tears today to rival the ocean and I shakily rise. Where can I go to now? Obviously my old home is not an option. And what if I go to my own house, which I have with Bakura? Or... would he shunt me, too?

Then it suddenly hits me, and I scowl at my own stupidity. Of course. Jou had said I'd only just moved to Domino. My 'new' home would be someone else's. And evidently they wouldn't take kindly to a lodger with no money to give them.

'This society is really fucked up,' I think, staggering out of the alley. I fear this strange place more so, now that the night is casting its eerie blanket across our city. I contemplate who would take me in.

Honda? No, he never seemed to trust me after I went to Bakura. Would Yugi? He cares not for the money from other's pockets, but who can question this place and its altered inhabitants? Even though I may have just done that, I figure there's no harm in trying. And if that fails... I'll have to find Bakura.

Of course, that's if he's even here.

Hold up... I glance down at my chest. The Millennium Ring hangs still around my neck, glimmering in the fading light. I remember how Ra said he would try to contact me to give me assignments, and wonder if he would communicate with me through this. Surely they would. After all, it is a heavenly object, their magic installed into it. Yes, that would be logical. Otherwise I would simply banish any crazy thought from my mind and call myself an illusionist.

I stride down the foul smelling street cautiously and yet with slight haste. If Yugi is not to have me in his house... then I would need to find someplace else to go.

I then freeze. When I rounded the corner, I had expected to see the Kame Game Shop as it always has been: the green words shining proudly amidst the yellow background, with the brightly coloured walls and doors open slightly for the late customers.

And how foolish I have been. My old house was even more so a wreck, alleys lurk everywhere, garbage in the street... and I expected Yugi's house to be as it always was? Ra must have addled my brains when I got reborn here.

As if in a trance, I slowly advance to the door. I see that the shop is closed early, probably because of the shifty looking characters and society. I tentatively knock on the door, and I hear a low mutter and a loud click before someone approaches the door.

The door opens and I am faced with the worst end of a gun. I step back and hesitate, but the door opens a crack more.

And what I see aches my heart more so. Ah, Gods, it's Yugi! Has he too succumbed to this level of insanity? Please don't tell me he's turned out like Jou has! He lowers the gun slightly, yet holds it nonetheless.

"You... Are that new boy in our class, right?"

I nod, my stomach now feeling really heavy and ill.

"I am. My name's Ryou Bakura. Um... I know this is kinda sudden, but is it okay if you let me lodge here for a while? My home's gone off the tracks and I no one else will give me shelter. I haven't any living relatives here in Japan, and I just don't know what to do..." I confess, a tear welling in my eye. I bite my lip and refuse to let it fall.

Yugi's expression softened and he opened the door further, gesturing for me to enter. I shoot him a watery smile – quite literally – and walk through the shop and into the house part of this building. I feel his look of pity never leave my back, even as he locks and bolts the door. Numerous times.

Yami casually leans against the arm of a wooden chair, shooting me a mildly interested glance until Yugi comes back in.

"Spill already," Yugi says, sitting beside me. Yami rises also and sits next to his light, now finding it hard to suppress his curiosity.

I pause, thinking of where to begin. I've got to have a decent enough case so that my presence here will be granted. Conclusively, I guess that means I can't go telling them that Ra granted me life again after I suicided.

"My Otousama has rarely been kind to me. When I was four my mom died, she'd been doing some grocery shopping and was shot by an escaped convict. After that... well, I was too young to understand fully why my Dad was crying, but I could feel he would never be the same again. I just didn't know, at that point, how right I would be.

"When I was about seven, he took to drinking and began to let his depression and his anger vent out on me. He'd beat me and blame me for my mom's death. And I would lie down and take it, purely because I would have no where else to go. I didn't dare tell anyone, he'd always made sure of that, and I doubted if anyone would believe me, a kid." I draw in a heavy breath, my hands trembling as I relive those moments.

"One day I came home from school and he... tried to rape me." I say quietly.

Yugi grabs Yami's arm, squeezing tightly. The Game King himself seems to frown, as if trying to prove that I'm lying by staring at me. I break that eye contact and continue my sad tale.

"At that moment he passed out. It seems that even drunks have their limits when it comes to alcoholic consumption. For a while I'd known this person who had hit me in the past, but had learned the errors in his ways and apologised. I moved in with him then, but now he's gone away and when I tried to go back home, Otousama tried to rape me again."

I feel a hand on my own and I look up into those amethyst orbs. He pities me. Well, so he should.

It's not as if I'd actually lied there, either. I did not speak one word of a lie.

Bakura

He stares at me. Swiftly he turns to Yugi and warns him not to enter the room where Ryou's body was supposed to lie.

"Bakura... so this is why you told me to bring these books..."

I nod numbly, irritably brushing back the bangs that had fallen into my eyes – again. "Yes... though I just don't know why his body would just disappear like that! Even his blood has gone. And you saw how thick that blood lay, Pharaoh."

His crimson, power-demanding eyes widen. "His blood has gone..." He repeats, closing those eyes in concentration. "Now where could that have gone?"

In spite of myself, anger bubbles inside of me.

"Well if I knew that, jackass, then why would I have called you here?"

Almost automatically his hand reaches for his Deck, but Yugi lays a hand on his and entwines their fingers to stop him.

"He's right, Yami. Bakura wouldn't have called us, of all people, to help him if he were desperate." He turns them to me. "Bakura, I know that this is the worst, or most often heard form of comfort, but daijobu. Daijobu Bakura. We'll help."

I glance at him drunkenly, then gather my shattered senses. My head reels with so many tears being shed. I open a drawer, find some tablets and pour myself a glass of water. Placing the tablets on the back of my tongue, I take a short gulp of water, using the rest to rid myself of that vulgar after taste. Regardless of whatever any medicine labels say, they do not taste that way. It all tastes like you've just eaten grit mixed with the diluted piss of a camel.

"Right," I begin, trying desperately to keep my voice steady. "Let's find some answers."

Ryou

"I don't believe you."

Yugi turns to look at his lover. Yami joins his gaze. "And neither do you, Yugi. I can see it in your eyes. And I never mistake a look, especially when it's from you."

His voice sounds so harsh, and as I glance into Yugi's eyes, he averts the look. So he doesn't remember me, know me or like me? Tears fall, unbidden, from my eyes.

"ONEGAI, TASUKETE!" I scream, pleading with him, "ONEGAI!"

"Iie," Yami hisses, kicking me and then grabbing my collar to pull me to my feet. "I suggest you leave this house. You are breaking an entry, so just PISS OFF!"

"YAAAMMMIIIIIIII!!" I sob, and at that he stops. He regards me quizzically, no doubt wondering how I know his name.

And that was when Yugi began to shove me out.

"I don't know how and why you know our names, or why you came to us for rest. Or even how you know where we live. But we're not having you, no matter how hard you beg! NOW, GET OUT!"

With that, Yami grabs my waist, opens the door and pushes me outside so forcefully that I fall and cut myself. He snarls one curse, another, and slams the door shut in my face.

Using a bleeding hand to touch the side of my face, I wince, more tears falling. 'Is this the price of Ra?' I muse as I weep uncontrollably, 'To have no friends? To relive my worst moments only to be called a liar?'

The silent night does not answer me, or any other rational explanations enter my head, and I tremble at the greatness of my punishment.

If only Ryou knew, that was merely a half of the penalty.

Yami's koi: meanings of daijobu in the two senses: in this sense it means don't worry, this meaning it's okay. Source – Shonen Jump.

Neutral Man: again, review if you want, if you don't then... no plushie. This time the plushies are Kurama and Hiei from Yu Yu Hakusho!

Yami's koi: I'm gonna be doing a fic about them shortly, so look out for that! Now, here are some people who I would like to thank more than I can say:

_Dark Magician Girl / Hikaru,_ for the constant reviews and being an all round good dude. You were one of those people who I just had to make this continue for. Thank you so much!

_Himiko-da-evil-witch,_ for cool reviews and the many huggles of plushies. I gotta apologise though that I didn't mail you directly with an answer about Ryou's funeral, but I will mail you sometime, I promise.

_Yami Insomniac, _For the lovely reviews, and for...well, encouraging me. You're another who I _had_ to carry this on for – Thank you! o Anyone who I've missed will get a mention next time! Oh and... another thanks to the people who put me on their favourite authors list! LUVVIES! Next chapter will be dark and angsty, just the way you like it! Ryou's first task is set! BYE! X


	7. Black mark

Yami's koi: I have returned! Hello I'm Johnny Knoxville and welcome to Jackass! Gets tackled down by Bakura

Bakura: GIRL! HE'S IN MY HOUSE AGAIN! And you've decided to be stupid and make Ryou nearly get raped twice, attacked by the Pharaoh, his hikari, a few Gods and his Dad... WILL THE INSANITY END?!

Neutral Man: not likely. How do you think I manage?

Yami's koi: meanie. Don't you agree that my friend here can be mean?

Bakura: WHEN WILL YOU QUIT TORTUTING RYOU? I WANNA FUCK HIM!

Yami's koi: we'll discuss this at the end, Bakura!

I wince as I inspect the slashes made from my fall. I need water – sanitary water, mind – to clean these with, before they become infected. And yet, deep down, I know that I'll never get it. Not now that Yugi has... well, what?

How can I declare that I've been cast off, disowned, when he – and Jou – claim to have never seen me before in their lives, save for the fleeting chance in class?

Class? I bring my knees up to my head and I rock slightly. Great! Everything is just so peachy. I've got no where to sleep, no money to buy food or drink with, no friends, tasks yet to be set from those bastard of the Gods, and, oh yeah, amidst all that, school!

Behind me I hear a door open and a small click. I turn and see the two Mutou's holding the gun. I freeze momentarily, staring straight back at them, terrified. Yami curls his hand around the trigger to punctuate his next words.

"What part of piss off don't you understand, Ryou?"

I feel my face contort with emotional pain, my heart clenching with it. I rise and turn away, walking down the street dejectedly. Their eyes bore holes in my back, even as I walk away from them. 'Even peachier,' I muse dully, 'I have to face them and Jou at school tomorrow. If it still stands.'

I sigh heavily. With no where to go, the large chance that I would be slaughtered, and the scent of an unmistakable storm in the making, with any luck I'd be dead on the morrow.

Wait... didn't Mokuba once tell me that he and Seto went to an orphanage before they inherited Kaiba Corp? What if it still stands?

With the dim hope of refuge in mind, I pick up a steady jog, timid at using a shortcut through a side passage. In the dark, with barely any light radiating from the street lamps, they look even more sinister. I shiver, remembering at how I had seen a dead body today and, more importantly, the one who had killed it.

At the flood of memories I pause. I feel sick gathering in my stomach, but no matter how hard I try, it won't come up. In my impatience I use two fingers, putting them down my throat until they touch the back.

Needing no more encouragement, my puke rises and flows out, my fingers barely making it in time. I keep coughing the putrid, half-digested food up until my sides ache.

Bakura

I glance up at the Pharaoh and his light, noting too quickly that they weren't moving.

"Onegai tasukete, hikari... Pharaoh. Don't just stand there, start looking!" I plead, ignoring the little voice in my head that taunts me for asking the Pharaoh for aid.

Yami heaves a heavy sigh. "Bakura..." He murmurs, choosing his words very carefully, "There's just ONE problem. We don't know what section to look under! We don't know what type of book: it could be under myth, lore, magic, spell..."

"He's right, Bakura." Yugi agrees, laying a hand on my shoulder. I slowly pick up the book I was looking in, and stare at them in disbelief.

"The mortal saying is right then. Grief truly can blind and dull the senses. Have you lost your minds? You look in the index!"

Yami blinks and looks almost as if he is going to apologise, before Yugi did so for him.

"Gomen nasai Bakura. We're just so shocked at this, we can't really think straight, and – ITAI!"

Yami's head instantly turns to his aibou, whose face is scrunched up in pain. He rushes towards Yugi's side, who is now whimpering incoherently. Whether or not the Pharaoh can decipher any of that, I know not.

Then the Game King's eyes widen, and he winces. I stare at them morbidly, finding no other possible thing to do. I see the Pharaoh clutch his side, and I pry at his fingers. He desperately tries not to loosen his grip, yet I know how far his limits are. When he at last relaxes, I lift his shirt... and I stare.

Ryou

It's only _after_ you're sick that you begin to shake, so forcibly that you can barely stand properly. I do so now, wrapping my arms around myself as I lean against the wall of an abandoned warehouse. I've got to get to that damn orphanage, and fast. I set off at a slow walk, hoping to anyone who may be listening that I wouldn't be followed.

Almost as if to motivate me, I feel a small droplet of rain fall onto my head. I glare up at the stormy grey heavens, cursing it for singling me out. Out of all the things in Tokyo it could have hit, it had to land on me.

I try to quell my shudders now. I hug myself harder in a feeble attempt of comfort, but it seems that nothing in the world – nothing at all – can solace me now in this dark place. And dark it is. A distant chime of a church clock resounds a mere eight times.

I blink at that. The shadows are really beginning to lengthen now when its only eight, it was the midst of summer when I left Bakura, and – Bakura...

Just at his name I feel down spirited. I made him be the one who has to pay, in all of this. Only when I realised that he was a reason – if but one – to live, did I comprehend how foolish, and even selfish I was being to him. Often suicide is mocked, or scorned, but no one would be pushed that far for no reason. And Bakura? He confessed his love to me, and then I did to him. I just hope that he took heed to my words, that there is always something worth living for, even if at first you can't see it.

I stop my walk in my despair, and fall to my feet. Maybe this is truly where I belong, alone and with no guide or form of comfort to encourage me. No person to love and care for me, no one to wipe away my tears when it all becomes too much. No one's shoulder to cry on when I need it most.

Then I reflect back on my life as it was. Well... often I just cried by myself, alone in the gentle confines of either my soul room, or mine and Bakura's room. I suppose that isn't too much of a loss to me. And yet now that my reason is, most probably, far away from me, why should I live in this time, too? What would happen if I am to suicide in this time?

Fuck them Gods. What could they do to hurt me? If anything, they could condemn me perhaps to the shadowy terrain of the Underworld. Unless, of course, this is where I already am.

I feel a sharp jab of coldness tickle down my back, making me arch.

You ask what we Gods could do to hurt you, little Ryou? I think we're doing a good enough job at the moment, don't you?

I whirl around at the voice, bewildered, before I growl lowly.

"Why hello, almighty Ra," I hiss, crouching into a fighting position. When I next hear his deep, authoritative voice next, it is filled with amusement, and I see his image in my mind. And I am again, unnerved by the sight of his orbs which replaced the eyes he so long ago had burned away from the light in his dwelling.

Greetings, Another voice says airily, Do you bode well, young master? Or would you rather prefer a nice, cosy spot in the Otherlands?

"I'm surprised I'm not already there," I spit fractiously, beginning to stalk away. I have no time for witless words from mindless, premature pricks who can't bring themselves to look like their own creations, which they claimed were beautiful and good to look upon. But oh no, they are the supreme beings in this world, they shouldn't have to look like their callous, shitty creations.

Bakura

...And I stare some more.

Burned into the Pharaoh's side is a black, tinged with purple, eye-like mark. I gently run my fingers across it, and the form beneath me gasps in what I identify as pain. I pad swiftly across to his hikari, lifting his shirt slightly.

Yugi's mark is... not as dark as Yami's. Instead of the purple there are shades of navy, and the black seems somewhat lighter, if possible. When I compare the two, Yugi's is smaller, too.

"...What is this magic?" I whisper aloud, heedless of the whimpering beside me. I turn and grasp a book on Egyptian Spells, thoughtfully collecting the ones about the Gods, too. I am almost certain that they have a part in this.

"Bakura...?" Yugi winces, his face twisted in pain, "What is it?"

I say nothing, but gesture to his side. He twists to see what I point at, and his face, if possible, becomes paler.

"Holy shit..." Yami mutters, rising and shucking his shirt. "Ryou's in serious trouble. The Gods can only make this mark. Something has seriously gone wrong with Ryou in the Afterlife."

Ryou

Now, now, watch your temper. The voice of Osiris sighs, almost mockingly.

It only infuriates me further.

Leave me alone! Get me back to the real world!

Again I hear their laughter resounding in my mind. Oh, but this is the real world, Ryou. Or at least the world you shall discover is that world which you once lived in. Until you realise why it is like this, you will never be reunited with your lover.

Despite myself, my ears twitch slightly and I pause.

"You... you'll let me go back to Bakura?" I stutter, turning a corner. From my rough calculations, I'll be at the orphanage in about ten minutes. If I hurry.

I see an image of Ra in my mind, so clear I cry out. If he had eyes, I am sure he would have rolled them.

Come now, don't tell me you're unaccustomed to having a God appear in your mind? Considering, of course, that you deem us as beings much unlike your Bakura. For you hold him dearest than anything in the world, you value his life more than your own, correct?

My eyes widen for fear of Bakura. "Onegai... Ra... please, don't hurt him..."

I sense Osiris' amusement grow as he too, is pictured in my mind.

And we would do that because...?

"You've already done this," I whisper, hoping that I didn't sound too ill mannered. After all, they were my ticket back to my Bakura, my koi...

Do you want your first assignment or not, Ryou? We could just... leave you here, for all eternity, you know. That way you'd never get to feel those lips you'd wanted to taste for Soooo long...

I sigh, resigned to my fate. For now, and until I realise what this world is and why I'm here, I might as well do their petty assignments. How hard can it be?

"Okay, you have your way, Ra and Osiris." I say, reaching the end of this current block and wandering down another. "Tell me where I must go."

Ra smirks, his orbs flustering me once more. Osiris steps forward.

Reach the orphanage, Ryou. We know you're headed there already... when you get there, ask for a room and lodge there. When you're free to talk, we shall contact you again, and give you your task in its entirety. That shall be all, for now.

And with that, much like how it felt when Bakura closed the link, they were gone. Their images, their amused aura, everything. I spur on, desperate now to return. Return to the world I once knew.

Bakura

"One that only the Gods may inflict?" I echo faintly, the words stirring something in my memory, "Now there's a thought..."

For some unknown reason to me as of yet, I have a feeling that those words mean something deep to me, something... dark.

Yami's koi: aren't I mean? I am the suspense Goddess of Egypt, and no one will stand in my way! BWAHAHAHAHA!!!

Neutral Man: get a life. Now, plushies to reviewers, this time of either Pharaoh Yami or Tomb Robber Bakura. The choice is yours!

Yami's koi: now. I gotta thank the following reviewers for putting me on their favourite author's list:

blueyes08, Elizabeth Aiken Joey Wheeler, Yami Insomniac, himiko-da-evil-witch, sansty-san, MysticJunebugs, and Chrisoriented. Another thanks goes to these, who put me on their author alert list:

Chrisoriented, Elizabeth Aiken Joey Wheeler, Yami-loverOB1, himiko-da-evil-witch, sansty-san, bored miko, MysticJunebugs, and Repmet.

Now...I've decided what Ryou's task will be. He'll have to face something he doesn't want to, but it's not too tragic. Unless something else is cooked up.

Bakura: better not be too horrific, you foul mortal.

Yami's koi: and I am foul because...?

Bakura: you insist on torturing Ryou and me all the time! Why not the Pharaoh! Reads chapter again Urgh. I lifted his shirt...

Yami's koi: Bakura, I'll have you know that a Ryou x Bakura lemon fic is in the works! It'll be on , however. -- BYE BYE!

PS: The original Japanese name of cast:

Jou – Joey Wheeler. Shizuka – Serenity Wheeler. Anzu – Tea Gardner. Honda – Tristan Taylor. Otogi – Duke Devlin. Malik – Malik (hikari.) Marik – Marik (yami) (PPS: Just in case you don't know them... I probably won't use all of these, its just in case I refer to them in later chapters and you don't know.)


	8. Inkling of his Power

Yami's koi: looks at request for more blood. Eyebrow raises in question but tries to comply, even though that part turns out crappy sorry for this late update. I'm depressed, to put it shortly. And I can't go to anyone about it... and no one understands. Y'all know what I'm getting at, right?

Bakura: GIRLILIFTEDHISSHIRT! I WANT TO LIFT RYOU'S SHIRT!

Yami's koi: pats shoulder don't worry Bakura. We ALL know how you feel. Or some random dudes do. Now read my new chapter so I can get yelled at again. --

I've finally made it.

The building itself is beginning to look dirty; the bright colours on it seem to have long since faded, only to leave a few patches of paint, and several large windows have evidently been used for target practice. This orphanage... Seto's old orphanage... well, I think admittedly, shaking my head, at least I didn't imagine it to be as it was. Once a joyous, radiant place, and now... this. I'm finally beginning to understand that barely anything in this world is the equal to what I am used to.

I turn, my eyes wide, as I hear another womanly scream, only to be stifled hastily. The muffled cry seems to be very near, and the threatening darkness doesn't seem to be improving my weakening assertiveness. Or whatever assertiveness I may have had.

So long as I don't have to kill anyone, or venture out into this horrifying living hell, I deem I'll be okay.

Unless, of course, the Gods' tasks are too taxing and dangerous for me to survive them. Which, of course, they most probably will be.

Come to think of it, I don't know what genre of missions these will be like, or their difficulty status. For example, what am I supposed to do, prevent the Apocalypse? Not that these facts would do me many favours, that's just too obvious. For all I would do, once this information was mine, would be to panic. And at times like those, I freak out big.

Another scream is released from the throat of a woman. From the pitch, I am guessing she is roughly in her early twenties, or seventeen, like me. I shiver and hurry towards the door, observing the creaking signpost nearby which states there are vacancies here. At that I am miffed. Its almost as if the people who would stay here are only temporary, or too few in their coming.

I knock loudly. A dim red covers my view for a moment, and I cry out.

Oh, and another thing Ryou. Give only your real name to those who you knew in your supposedly real time.

I whirl round, seeking out Ra's voice, before the red veil is lifted and I hear the door creak open. And yet again I am faced with a weapon, only this time it's a crossbow. The reason for these in an orphanage is more understandable. They wouldn't want to have to tend to injured children. I blink, and raise my hands. My mind works furiously to conspire a fairly decent explanation for my coming.

"Please let me stay here. My mother has just been killed in a shooting and I have no other relatives left to go to!" I plead, forcing my voice to sound cracked and tearful.

Slowly they lower their weapons and the door fully opens. I stare up at the slender woman, whose dark hair and white Egyptian clothes look vaguely familiar. I cast my mind back. Battle City... She was a competitor at Battle City!

My mind screams to me that this is Isis Ishtar, once wielder of the Millennium Necklace, which gives prophecies to the beholder.

But she looks so tired, and aggressive... she was never like this. Though I guess in this time everyone can appear to be as they were, when really they just act like monsters. Take Yugi for example. He would never have allowed me to be kicked out before, and for that reason my heart aches. I never wanted him to become like me... or at least something so similar.

Isis' beautifully dark head slants slightly as she considers me, laying down the crossbow on the floor beside her. And now she has resumed her staring. Her dark, serious eyes gaze into mine, and they almost burn, for I cannot break the look. Slender, tanned hands come to rest upon her waist.

"Have I seen you somewhere before? You look familiar."

At that my heart again weeps and I feel a surge of suffering welling up inside of me. Even through all of this torment and ruin, she can still remember me.

Instead I stare at her, pretending to look her over again and again, before I decide to finally shake my head, keeping my voice broken.

"Can't say that I have, Miss."

Isis smiles very slightly at the courteous word, then jumps and retrieves her crossbow when another scream sounds, this time even louder. Her eyebrows narrow, and I find it hard to believe that she could ever look so violent. Or angry.

She reminds me much of the Jou I have seen tonight, when he killed that beggar. So emotionless, so completely driven by pain and hatred... well, whatever made him do that, it must be deep. But it's probably just the society. Not much of this place it actually half-decent, so I doubt Isis will be.

"I've heard that same woman scream four times in about half an hour, and its doubtless she's being either attacked or raped."

She shoots a dark glance down at me, and shakes her head.

"Doubtless it is both if she has screamed more than thrice." Her eyes wander more so, and she gestures for me to come in. I do so and stare in wonder at the amount of pictures she has of Malik. There is a wooden desk at the front, and she strides up to it, adjusting another image of her brother, though this time, his yami is with him.

Reaching into a drawer behind this desk, Isis produces a dark book. It seems to have many pages, most of which are blank. She flicks to a particular page, entitled 'New Intake,' and picks up a pen.

"So, what's your name?"

I must think very quickly to answer this. As if in answer, the Gods remind me this:

Use only a false name for those who you have not yet seen in your life. For her, you must call yourself Ryou legally.

"My name is Ryou Bakura, Miss," I say slowly, though she still stares at me. I lean closer, looking around in case anyone hears me.

"But I'm not too fond of it myself. It was my mother's favourite name for a male before she – she..."

She smiles somewhat faintly at me and writes this down. As if just noticing it for the first time, she gestures to my bleeding cuts, eyeing the one on my face for a longer length of time than the others.

"We'd better get those washed. May Ra and any other God curse me if I'm having you looked after with an infection."

Bakura

Still the distinct feeling of recognition and darkness gnaws at me. I slowly turn the page of another completely useless article. It seems that although two of the Pharaoh's books include indexes and contents, the authors did not seem to understand the significant difference in speed those two things would create to the beholder.

Occasionally we catch something worth mention, and it is read out aloud, and I scribble notes down, sometimes the words, the book, the page number... anything relevant to God related marks.

Currently I am reading thus:

'_Though many Gods there are; only a few of them have not the head of an animal, or any anatomy of their creations. Long before they created Ra's cattle, their dwelling was not in the heavens, and yet nothing akin to our world. This place had no darkness within it; the abode was made solely from a blinding light. It is said that this light was so pure and flawless in its intensity, that gradually the faces and anything so humanly were burned away long before the creation of Earth, and its inhabitants. For they once assumed the looks of humans, and that was from whence our features originate. Now, if the Gods still maintain our faces, their eyes are purified and orb-like, the colours changing with their moods, or remaining simply that way to represent their particular job._

_Of course, the Pharaoh's, their wives and kin all go to the sacred Land of the Gods when they die. Many believed that to enter the Spirit World, and to ease their passing in the Hall of Two Truths, they would have to keep each one of those many Gods within their favour...'_

I sigh and begin to read the other page. This book is merely repeating what others have written, or what I haven't been told many times before. And, to further boost my weariness and frustration, the formality of the writing is too much.

I stand from my chair and signal to the Pharaoh and his light. They glance

up from their reading.

"Do you want anything to eat or drink? All this reading is becoming too tedious, especially because it says what we already know."

Yami nods, and requests for two sodas. I raise my eyebrows slightly and exit. I can almost sense their kiss, the Pharaoh being possessive and comforting by embracing Yugi tightly first, then drawing their lips together slowly, eventually deepening the kiss. His hand will be rising just about now to stroke his hair, the other one to encircle Yugi's waist. A quick glance in there affirms my suspicions.

Ah, if Ryou were here, I wouldn't need to give them a reason for me to leave.

Ryou

I wince slightly as water beats steadily down onto my back, in my hair and thoroughly into my gashes. Isis has instructed me carefully to first clean the wounds, then to shower. Meekly I obliged, purely because, out of all the people I have so far met, she is the one who is at least half-friendly. I deem as I rid my hair of shampoo, that if she alone could help me, then I would be gladdened only further.

I reach up and turn the water off, shaking my head to clear those thoughts. I hurriedly dry myself, rinse my cuts again in case any shampoo managed to enter them, and seek her out downstairs.

At length I find her in the kitchens, where she is waiting for me.

"I have business in our homeland, Ryou. I've just packed, and I'm getting a lift from a friend quite shortly." A horn blares from outside, and she turns sharply. She crouches down, and peers through a crack in the curtains cautiously.

Isis then sighs in relief, and retrieves her fallen bags, along with her crossbow. Again she looks me over, and wishes me well. I shake her hand, and reply to the comment in kind.

Now that she's gone – or, to be more precise, the moment she has gone – Ra and his companion converse with me again.

The time is nearing for when you shall be given a task. However, we won't give the exact mission details, for you must answer this riddle.

Osiris then is pictured in my mind, proud and tall, and begins to chant lightly:

_ He is much like you and yet in many ways not, he dwelt in a time of great darkness, in more than one way at that; many hardships they have endured, and yet many more than one. He depends on respect, demands attention, though if done in the right way, you will be repaid and unscathed. _

I blink at that. "Wait, how do you expect me to remember all that?"

Osiris would have rolled his eyes, and for one moment, I see him how he once was. His emerald, mortal eyes gleaming with happiness, his body heavily tanned and lean with firm, large muscles. A kilt wrapped around his waist, a hat made purely out of silk, with blue ribbons curling up the side attractively to the human eye, agreeing perfectly with his eyes...

And then it is gone. He stares coldly back at me, almost as if he is ashamed of what he once was.

Then it shall be burned into either your memory or hand, dear Ryou. Both of which are extremely painful... or, so I hear from the screams of my victims. Unless of course you can remember now.

It is not in my will to play arrogant bastards with the Gods, and yet it seems so tempting to toy with them. Though I know in reality – or whatever I can call this – it would never happen. I'm too weary to bother with all that shitty 'place hand under numbingly cold water for ten minutes until burning pain resides.'

"I remember," I mumble grudgingly, "I bid you farewell from my mind."

With that, he has gone.

The door behind me creaks open, and involuntarily I glance at it... and stare.

A fairly tall, slender figure stands before me. Currently he wears a dark purple tank top, completed with extremely tight leather pants. In his hand he carries a case, and I smile at him before I realise he wouldn't know me.

"Greetings," He says finally, regarding me with a deep and burning curiosity, "My name's Malik, and that dick head – who is, unfortunately, my yami - out there is Marik. I'm Isis' brother."

I smile slightly. "My name's Ryou, and nice to meet you Malik. Um..."

My eyes shift towards Marik, now that he's entered, and by the Eye of Horus, he's changed. A long, pale scar runs from the bottom of his cheek up to the formation of his nose, and his look is so... deathly. Sure, he's still tanned, but his eyes are the mere beginning of his features. Instead of them being a nice lavender colour, it seems they too have morphed. Now they're darker, and look menacingly adjacent to that of a killer. And since I have the worst luck in the world at the moment, he's pissed off.

But instead of attacking me, he does something which makes me want to retch. He turns and pulls his arm back, crashing his fist into Malik's cheek. The recipient falls and winces, completely defenceless against his yami. He cradles his cheek, staring tremulously up at the towering threat.

"Don't ever call me a dick head, you stupid slut!" Marik hisses, shaking Malik's shoulders until he breaks and strikes him back, in his stomach. The yami is infuriated further now, which was obviously his intention. As he swings his arm back, I leap forwards and use whatever strength I have to haul him away and off of Malik.

Malik rises shakily, and stares at his darkness tearfully. The side of his head – or, from what I can tell – looks fairly uninjured, but I see a trickle of blood escape from underneath his fingers. Must have been from the fall. But still Marik's fault nonetheless.

"GO TO HELL YOU BASTARD! I HATE YOU!" He screams tearfully, and dashes for the stairs.

Only when I hear the locking of the door do I release Marik. I circle him until we stand, face to face. He regards me warily, though almost admiration can be detected. Apparently it takes a lot of strength to take down Marik Ishtar. He stares back solidly, smirking proudly.

That is, until I use my entire strength to deliver a heavy blow to his cheek. He grabs the throbbing side of his face reflexively and glares at me, his eyes burning with the question why.

And my eyes only deliver the answer.

"You bastard. Ya know what, Malik's right! You are a dick head, and its not because you fight, its because who you just fought with! How can you even dream of touching your own hikari, you arsehole?!" I yell, my pain shining through.

"What the hell are you on?" He retorts, rubbing his face angrily, "YOU'RE THE BASTARD HERE! YOU HURT ME AND YOU'LL PAY!"

"OH YEAH, LIKE THAT'S NEVER BEEN USED BEFORE!" I scream back, surprising even myself. My eyes glance to his right, and I take a massive risk here when I do this. I dodge behind him and grab the Millennium Rod from his back pocket. I use it to point at him, and in my fury, I somehow manage to unleash its power to pin him against the wall. He screams in either shock or frustration, but I'm not daunted.

"This is the source of your power, and your life, RIGHT?" I wait for a nod before continuing, "And I could end that life now, RIGHT?"

"YOU WOULDN'T DARE," Marik snorts, "You wouldn't deprive Malik of his yami. It's only me and that bitch he calls sister who he has left."

I scowl at him darkly before releasing the power I have on the Rod. He falls to the hard floor, and lands in a heap. I stand over him, and suddenly come up with something I feel hit a nerve.

"Just so you know, I would rather see Malik suffering, alone and without a yami, than with one who doesn't care less."

And with that, I turn on my heel and stride up the stairs, still carrying the Millennium Rod. I have an idea of how to help Malik.

Bakura

I check the clock. It's seven thirty, and I can hear many things coming from outside. The ice cream truck's annoying tone trilling its way around the neighbourhood, the sound of those mortal children happily laughing and screaming, the sound of water being splashed...

All these sounds I heard when I was with Ryou. It was thanks to him I'm not alarmed by those sounds. Heck, if he hadn't have bought some ice cream for me once, I would have banished that disturbing truck it came from to the Shadow Realm.

I know I've been terrible to him, more so at first. That's why I found my feelings of love for him so unbidden at first. But soon I just found myself mesmerised by the tranquillity of him, every laugh he made I treasured it, and each time I heard those small sounds, I would feel content.

Of course I found many opportunities and ways to make him smile at me, or reward me with a long, content silence that followed soon after. And I would smile back, not wanting to break the gaze until a responsive heat pooled in my lower body.

But he confided in me a lot. Whenever I asked of him why he looked upset, he would say, which is rare in mortals. So that is why I presume he cried alone a lot, and blocked at least his emotions from the link. To cover up the evidence that he was weakening, and falling into the darkness that had consumed me.

Whatever kind of death I had expected him to have, I didn't want it to be like this. And I hope that for every person who wants to suicide, that they take just one moment to review their lives. The happiness, loyalty, love, sadness, terror... all of it. And maybe that way those premature deaths can be reduced. Or, if things are truly that bad... then they live a peaceful and beautiful Afterlife. If life on Earth is so abhorrent that that is the only way in which they can be spared... it is in that instant that I know suicide can be right.

Ryou

As soon as I reach his room, I know that he is waiting for me, or for Marik. I knock lightly on the door to prove that I am not his so-called yami and protector, and he opens the door slightly. He breathes, relieved, and opens it fully, granting me access. And as soon as I am in, he locks the door.

"Malik," I begin, sitting on the bed, "I know that I probably shouldn't have interfered, but I couldn't just stand by and watch him do that to you. So I hit him. Hard."

For a moment he is silent, then resumes nursing his swelling cheek. One quick scan of his eye tells me that it hasn't been hit; though it had been a close call. The blood down his face transfixes me for a moment, its shiny texture glistening slightly in the dim light.

"Malik, I told him that I'd rather see you without a yami, than to see you with one who didn't give a shit." I go on to say calmly, producing the Rod from behind my back, seeing his eyes widen in shock "Whilst holding him down with this.

"It's now that you have a choice. I can destroy the Rod, and he'll be dead and no longer a part of you, therefore your pain and abuse a thing buried in the graveyard of the past. Though, I know how much that hurts, so that's why I'm giving you another choice – you two can talk this over, and find a way so that Marik can release his anger on something else. I don't know why, but for some reason I know that he has good somewhere within him. The choice is yours."

He stares at me, bleary eyed and questioning. His hand lowers and examines the drying blood, which he licks slightly in contemplation. When he speaks, he sounds so sad, though somehow remaining as soft as it once was.

"You have kindness in your heart, even though you've only known me for a short time. I find that hard to believe. And how do you know of the power this Rod contains? And... you said you knew how much it hurts. Does this mean you have a yami too?"

I smile faintly at him, instantly reminded of Isis' description of him in Egypt when they were Tomb Keepers. In the world I knew, of course.

"I know of the power the Millennium Rod has purely because I wield the Millennium Ring. And, of course I have a yami, almost all holders of the Items do. My darkness used to abuse me too, and I'd just take it. Now that I've seen it... I can't allow it to carry on like this. You could even make the biggest regret of your life and suicide."

Malik smiles slightly and winces at the pain caused by the movement of his cheek. "I have scarred myself. And I want to, I really do. I guess I could be willing to forgive him. He is the other half of me, after all. And who can be so malice filled as to not forgive a part of yourself, even if he is in another body?"

I let my smile widen, a certain feeling of accomplishment filling me from the inside. For I had just, most probably, swayed his mind from falling into a suicidal will.

Yami's koi: This is longer than the others are. I'm aware Ryou's anti suicide at the moment, but I have my reasons for that. And I don't want Malik to suffer, but what else could I do?

Bakura: why oh WHY did I have to lift his shirt?

Yami's koi: what a drama queen. Because, Bakura, you had no other choice. It was reflex.

Ryou: this is a message to Chrisoriented: we're all sorry for the crappy excuse for lack of blood in this chap. Hopefully when the jobs get worse things will be messier. Did you like the Jou scene?

Neutral Man: Yami's koi is considering renaming me as Toboggan Man. Her other suggestions are Mr Crumpet, Dumbass or Mr Man. Take your pick or send one to us!

Yami's koi: yes, please do. So... please R&R. Check my other fics in case I update late, which is possible. Sorry in advance, and thank you. BYE DUDES! PLUSHIE OF MALIK WITH ROSE FOR REVIEWERS! THE ROSE IS EDIBLE!


	9. A stab in the night

Yami's koi: I have finally decided to attempt this... an even more devious and conniving chapter to date! Its angsty, too!

Bakura: I think they'll have guessed what's gonna happen. But I'll remain quiet... until you tell my WHY his shirt was lifted!

Yami's koi: give it a rest! You did because it was an examination of his wound, and to help you look for something to help Ryou.

Neutral Man: I still bear the crappiest name to date! So... anyone gotten an idea of how Ryou can suffer?

Bakura: Okay, now YOU'RE gonna get killed! Chases him with rusty knitting needles

Yami's koi: -- Men... so ordinary, and yet so extraordinary. More at the end! Unfurls large banner rooting for Bakura in killing Neutral Man, begins chant

Malik creeps down the stairs almost tentatively, gripping the banister so firmly I'm surprised that the wood hasn't cracked. He had first insisted upon cleaning his blood before confronting his yami, though I had found this quite unnecessary.

'You should keep it there, make him feel even worse,' I had said. He had simply shrugged and replied that there were many ways in which one could emphasise guilt trips.

I still grasp the Millennium Rod in my hand, and I begin to wonder at how I had unleashed its power. Was it at the Gods' bidding that I had produced such ability? Or has it purely made them angry, this fuelling them to punish me further?

Never have I once known an ancient tale involving the Millennium Items where the words 'destined for it' have not appeared. The Items are condemned to one person throughout time, and yet I have drawn out power from one that I have never before touched in my life. One which I am not rightful to own.

But then, it could have just been my anger. Which would satisfy my curiosity usually... but why do I still get the feeling that things aren't going to go quite as smoothly as they have just done? I can sense a dark presence... and it swirls thickly around this place.

Bakura

Its now nearly a quarter past nine. The Pharaoh and his little Yugi will be leaving soon; I can recognise it in the atmosphere, it's becoming too drowsy and lulled by the sticky heat outside to continue working for much longer. Their eyes are beginning to redden with so much reading, and even my eyes are starting to droop in protest. Those words, now long past even vague comprehension, seem to be the perfect tool to calm one into a long, meaningful sleep...

"Bakura!" Yami snaps, waving a hand in front of my face. All he achieves in doing this is pissing me off, and a nerve begins to twitch in my face. I'd just been so close to those dark lands.... And again he'd deprived me of that privilege.

"Me and Yugi are going home now, if that's ok. We'll be back round in the morning at ten am, but you can ring us if you need to. Good eve." He says, almost too abruptly for my liking.

For a moment Yugi lingers whilst his jacket is retrieved from a closet down the hall. He stares into my eyes intently, though that could just be to keep him awake. I return the look, not knowing what else to do. Suddenly he begins to speak:

"If you want one of us to stay and help you read, we can, you know... or if you need us in the night, call me on this number -" He passes me a torn piece of paper with his cell on it, "- And I'll be over. The house phone's too risky to use, and I don't want Yami knowing I might be gone. Try to get at least five hours sleep, Bakura." He adds, giving me his warm, sweet smile. I merely stare back up at him, emotionless on the outside, and yet hopeless in my heart.

"Bye," I mumble, hearing the door shut quietly a few moments later. And now, silence.

Now that they've finally gone, I feel an eerie presence lurking around me. By my involuntary reflexes as a Tomb Raider I whirl around, drawing a long, beautiful blade from inside my jean pocket – but still I find no one. Lowering the dagger, which had claimed many lives of the Guards in Egypt, I sigh heavily.

Things are developing too swiftly for my liking, which states much. The mark on the Pharaoh's stomach, for instance. Why was it that his own held a much larger frame to it, and much darker, bolder colours than Yugi's? But this mark... the Eye of Horus... appearing on him...

Doesn't it seem odd that Ryou's only been dead a mere six hours, and yet a mark suddenly happens to merge itself onto the waist of the Pharaoh and his light? This is no natural occurrence, but something much, much more sinister... and it's those bitches of the Gods who are involved. And it seems that Ra is at the centre of it, purely because he's so holy and wondrous. Tch. More like bored by having no sacrifices or believers to torture for a millennia.

I shake my head. A shower is what I need, something to help me relax and relieve myself from all the stress and trauma of this day. I pause, one foot on the first stair.

In the foundations of reality we all know that will never happen. I mean, a shower is a shower and naught more. It sprays heated water to rid one of impurities and smell, not depression and remembrance.

I pity myself. Even though one of my strongest beliefs is to never feel sorry for one's self, it's on this occasion that I must breach it. After all, who wouldn't feel so despondent after someone you loved so dearly had just died?

Ryou

"What amazes me," I start with a small sigh, "is that you've only just realised that what Marik was doing is wrong. You told me that this crap started since you were a Tomb Keeper, right? At that time you were about seven, you're fifteen now... and it's taken you roughly eight years to realise its wrong?"

Coldly Malik turns to me outside the Living Room where his darkness now sits, a look so deadly I fear that Marik has tricked me. I am terribly taken aback by his look of iciness, though I do not voice it.

"My life, Ryou, whether it be past or present, is none of your damn business." He spits, pushing open the door and striding towards a chair. "I don't want you interfering in this matter when I talk to Marik, you hear? And if you dare shatter the Rod... then I'll kill you."

To assure me just how serious he is being, he produces a long, curved knife from its sheath, cleverly concealed under his jean leg.

I glare at him in fury before busying myself by fiddling with a button on my jacket. There is no realistic explanation why I would want to get kicked out of this place, decrepit and abhorrent though it may be. So for a while now I must hold my tongue. Even if that is so hard to bear, it is something in which I have no choice in doing. Unless I want that tongue to be sliced off, of course.

"Marik," Malik begins, folding his arms and setting his mouth to a constant grimace, "I know you hate me, there's no point in me so absently forgetting that. I don't know why you gave me so much pain for all of these years, but there's one question that I'm in desperate need of answering. Why? What gave you the motivation to inflict upon me, your own hikari and part of your soul, so much suffering?"

Marik flashes me the most seething of looks, before considering how to reply.

"I had no real reason." He states after a long moment of thought, "I had to vent my anger out on someone, right? You're my light, you know how things can get, and it's a part of being linked to comfort the other. So I did take your comfort, even if it was in a way you didn't like. And you, as my light, should be willing to do absolutely anything to offer me solace. Besides, you should be very thankful it wasn't any of your pitiful little friends, or your sister."

"Isis has no part of this," Malik answers in a snap, and behind Marik's eyes I see something flash. Doubtless he is conspiring a plan, and I doubt it will be one of his more lenient ones.

"Really?" He asks airily, "Then she didn't tell you about the rape that happened two years ago?"

Malik freezes then, completely overcome by paralysis and shock. "What rape? What did you do to my sister?"

His darkness releases a haunting howl of laughter. His head throws itself back, wave after wave of laughter relieved of him.

"What did _I_ do? Malik, I just told you about the rape. You brag so much about your ability to deduce reasonable explanations from minutiae. So tell me... what do _you _think?"

Even through his heavily tanned skin, I see Malik's face pale. To be fair, it had been quite obvious at what Marik was implying. Not even he would be so heartless as to say something that terrible and not mean it... is he?

"You didn't--"

"No, I didn't," Marik agrees, nodding thoughtfully whilst Malik's silence penetrates a nerve deep within, "No, it wasn't me who raped her. It was that bastard who I sent to the Shadow Realm."

Malik opens his mouth wordlessly, gaping tearfully at his yami. Crystals of blackened liquid began to form in the corners of his eyes, and I pity him dreadfully.

"So it is in more than one way in which you must thank me for, Malik," Marik continues, and I predict what he is about to say. I've known he would play this card ever since he began the formation of 'rape.'

"You must thank me for getting your sister away from all that. If it wasn't for me, that abuse would have continued for so long... and you'd probably still be in that shit hole of a cave."

"It wasn't a cave you dumbass, it was a tomb," I state, breaking my long maintained silence. Marik glares at me with a pure look of hatred on his face, and gestures pointedly to the dagger in his light's hand.

"He's right, you know... you are a meddling bastard."

I turn in a startled motion towards the speaker, wordlessly staring back into his lavender eyes. The ones which had just contained tears, now filled with utter hatred and disgust. Rage blares evidently from them, and his mouth sets itself into a snarl.

"You never wanted Marik here, did you?" He asks in a low voice that is tainted with his fractious condition. My own tears form in my eyes, and I shake my head vigorously.

"No! I just think Marik shouldn't -"

"Shouldn't WHAT? He's right... I SHOULD have been offering him comfort, and when I didn't he took it by force. It shouldn't have even had to come to that! It is I who am failing in this bond, Ryou! Thanks to you I nearly made the greatest mistake of my life! Now, GET OUT!"

My eyes widen before I feel a sharp stab in my side. I jerk forwards; doubled over at the pain, until I realise this only impales it further. Marik withdraws his hand from my side, and I see his hikari's blade penetrated inside of me. Blood stains my clothes with its rosy redness in vast amounts. It is all I can do to withdraw the knife and scream in agony as it brushes against some nerves. The aroma of blood engulfs me, and the pain in my side increases when Marik sticks his fingers deep into it.

I scream aloud, wriggling back into my chair to escape him, to no avail. Marik thrusts his fingers into me again, this time digging deeper. When he pulls them back, my blood pours faster now. I clutch my side and make to run, but the nerves touched and the following pain has weakened my entire body.

Then I feel muscled arms warp around my waist, and haul me off the chair. He walks with me, and I hear the opening of the door.

Marik ensures that I land on my injured side, finding pleasure in hearing me cry out.

"There, now you're out on the streets again, you little bastard. Don't you EVER come near my hikari again, or I will finish this job. Now, FUCK OFF!"

For the second time this night, I find the door slammed shut thanks to my presence. A hand raises to my side, and I sob loudly at the pain. Clotted blood chokes its way from my mouth, and with that I find more nerves hit, and again I scream. Bloods oozes slowly from the gash, but I feel its pace quickening. Its silky texture leaks now from any possible point, and the pain makes me lash out in desperation.

"TASUKETE!"

You'll get nowhere trying to scream for help, even if in our native language, Osiris declares idly, both him and his master once again sidling into my mind. The Deadened fiend leans almost casually against what I can presume is a wall, if that's possible. After all, he is in my mind.

If anything, your pain will increase. Soon your aches will subside; your blood run cold... and you shall be entering a second death.

"N – No..." I stutter, blindly grasping into the cracks in the pavement, "Please... Gods... do – don't let me die again... I need Bakura..."

Osiris raises his staff, this time the colour changing abruptly to a swirling purple with traces of navy. My tears begin to halt, as the pain begins to dims greatly. A bright light emerges from nowhere, and I shield my eyes with a blood stained arm. Now that it has receded, I open my eyes and stare in wonder.

My wound has been closed. I find no visible traces of blood on my body, and the only thing left where the knife dug is a long, pale scar of white. I stand, and still find myself amazed. I throw a glance at the now dark blue sky, and silently thank them.

No need, Master Ryou. We need you to complete the missions we Gods cannot.

My inferior is correct, Ra agrees, And although this first task may seem a failure to you, it was, in fact, a grand success. Your path, and that of young Malik Ishtar's, may very well cross again, mortal. Now... do you remember two years ago when you moved that old building under renovation?

"Hai..."

Go there. That will be your home for now. We have already ensured you have blankets and sufficient food supplies, as well as your uniform. Yes, you must go to school, Ra added, chuckling at Ryou's sudden surge of disgust, And you must pay attention. Take many notes on those around you, and report anything to us that may seem suspicious.

"But how? Whenever I need to talk to you, I gotta be on my own! People will think I'm mad or something if I started mumbling to myself!" I reason, pointing out this very obvious fact.

Osiris swished his staff again in impatience. His orb like eyes flashes a dark purple at me, flickering with its emerald originality.

Embrace the power of you Millennium Ring, Ryou. Use it to contact us. Concentrate solely on either one of us, and we shall both arrive in our mind. Or, if your efforts have proved futile, retreat to your Soul Room and we'll come.

And with that, Ryou was left alone.

Bakura

This shower is nothing but a false advertisement. I decided to have one, purely out of the desire for some form of solace, but it seems the only comfort I can have is from Ryou. Typical of me to long for something I cannot have.

That's never been the case before I met him. In Egypt I had never pledged myself to anything other than my stealthy escapes; the sacred arts of dodging Pharaoh Official's my mistress. Whatever I wanted, it was more and more of that glittering gold, and a safe escape. And when I desired such things, I knew exactly how and when to claim them.

But with Ryou... its becoming clearer that if I had declared my love earlier, this entire horror mass would have been spared. For didn't he say last that something was always worth living for? What if I was that one thing he suddenly had found?

Then it strikes me. This is my entire fault. And to not offer my aid in Ryou's return whenever possible would be folly.

I turn and turn the shower off. I take a towel with me but do not use it as I run down the stairs, utterly naked, to search those long, formally written archives. I believe in my hikari. Anything the Gods would take as a sacrifice I would gladly pledge.

Just so long as I could have my lover. I turn on the lights; open a book titled _'Gods and their Wavering Mercy,' _and set to work.

I am willing to stay up all night... until something catches my eye. Several pieces of paper are taped down on the fridge door. I make my way over to the said utility and see that they are addressed to Yugi, the Pharaoh, my friends and... me.

Then I lock into reality. Realisation dawns upon me and I sigh. These, I believe, are the last written words of Ryou Bakura.

Ryou

This place wouldn't be half as bad if it didn't have every breeze gushing in regularly. Even when I curl up into my blankets I feel the presence of the cool night air seemingly linger around my particular area. I really should be going to sleep now... school in the morning, as my Bakura would say.

Though whenever I close my eyes, all I can see is memories. They haunt me, almost as if to mock my current position. All fond memories, too...

I see Bakura and me, giggling and joking as we lick our ice creams. Bakura arguing with the Pharaoh about how impudent and inferior he is to him, with Yugi and me barely able to watch due to our laughing, our vision blurred by tears. The time when Bakura hadn't revised for a Math final and had queried me on every question he couldn't do. Our unbearably cold times we endured in the Shadow Realm. The Battle City times when I was found on the floor, eating my heart out. His last words to me. My only kiss...

You'll be late, Master Mortal, if you do not awake! We cannot have you missing your second day of school! Osiris bellows into my mind, and I jolt from my sleep with a start.

"Ngh...?" I slur, rising shakily from the gritty floor with a groan, noticing the sharp stab of pain in my side, where my wound was, "What time is it?"

In your time it is currently one quarter past seven. Osiris snaps impatiently, materialising in a ghostly form in front of me. I yelp in shock, as he hurls my old uniform towards me. Get a move on, bastard. And don't expect me or my Lord to do this for you again.

I stare at the God in almost bewilderment. A God can actually fall into a casual way of speaking, which includes even a swearword in his frustration?

Bakura

I wake, and find my face stuck to the page a mere eighteen from the one, which I had started from. I hear again the bell ring, and I rise unsteadily. My limbs scream at me in protest, my walking knocked off balance as I make my way towards the front door, the towel now hastily being wrapped around my waist. I look familiarly like I did when I robbed the most treasure-filled tombs. Shown through the glass is a familiar blur of colour... three colours...

I open the door. My conclusive hypothesis is affirmed when I see both Yugi and his yami staring at me. The Pharaoh leans closer to my right cheek, and sighs.

"I take it you fell asleep whilst reading page thirty, Bakura?" His voice trills, almost as if amused. I glare in anger at the arrogant bastard, but Yugi lays a hand on his arm to silence him.

I gaze at the small hikari – so much like my own - in almost concern. His eyes are dark, his cheeks pale and his entire form slouched. When I extend my arm and stand back so that they may enter, he winces and limps.

It seems even the Pharaoh can let his desire take over him. In this life, at least, we all know he is no better than any of us.

"...Yugi, can I have a word?" I blurt out suddenly, indicating to a cupboard down the hallway. "But... could you come alone? Its personal."

He nods and staggers over to the said door, telling his darkness to begin reading from where I fell asleep. Once we're both inside this cramped room with the light shining brightly down upon us, I produce a letter that bears Yugi's name. My voice, always having a slight huskiness to it, seems even scratchier than usual as I begin to speak gravely.

"Yugi... I have no easy way of telling you this..."

"What is it, Bakura?" Yugi asks instantly, his concern and loyalty shining through as he peers into my eyes deeply. "Please tell me."

I heave a sigh, waving the letter in my hand ever so slightly. "What I hold here... and several others are in my pocket... it is Ryou's last words to us... to us all." I unfold the paper and offer it to him. "Would you like me to read?"

Yugi pushes at my hand slightly until it hits my chest. Tears well in his amethyst eyes, and I pity him in my heart before beginning to read aloud:

'_Yugi, by the time this has been read, I'll be gone... forever. I wanted to confide in you, truly I did – don't ever doubt that. I struggled with myself to keep this from you._

_But it's been... awkward. You know what happened with my Otousama, don't you? Well... that's been linked to my suicide. I feel so lonely, so... deserted. And even that word is an understatement._

_I suppose you're wondering how I could ever bring myself to be so selfish – not only to myself – but to those around me also. I'm begging you to please call me whatever you think of me, and I won't be hurt. I'm long past hurting now, even though I might be gone into the chasms of the Underworld. _

_Yugi, do you recall the time at Battle City when we were discussing you and Yami? Well, I lied there too. I don't just like Bakura. Now I know... I love him. And it's too bad that he will only know when I'm so cold. _

_Yugi, I never want you to die the death I am going to. Never lift a knife or piece of glass to your veins. Don't worry about me, I'm beyond suffering now. It's just me, my loneliness... and the love I shall never have returned. _

_Farewell forever, Ryou._

_PS: Never allow any thought to govern the decided path known as your life.'_

I raise my head, my tears long since started to fall. Without warning, Yugi leans into my chest and expels a long, harsh breath before allowing his grief to overpower his mortal body. His arms wind around my neck and I tense, unused to the closeness... of anyone.

Ryou, School

I walk through the all-too-familiar corridors with a slight feeling of apprehension gnawing at me from inside. The walls here so are different now, as is the building. No more do paintings and examples from the varied classes hang upon the wall. Graffiti and what seems to be kick marks and blood are carved into those same walls.

I blink. People seem to stare at me, and I shyly consider going back. A long, cold touch trickles along my spine – long since been discovered as a sign of warning from the Gods. I almost glare at the ceiling, but know nothing good would become of it.

My old classroom nears. I hitch my backpack higher onto my shoulders, and, with a shaky sigh, enter.

I stare at the class. Or, the lack of. Tomoya isn't here, and at least twelve others aren't, of which includes Seto. I spot Yugi and Yami lurking in a corner, the hikari barely managing to smile. He looks tired – both physically and emotionally. A small distance away from them is Jou, his face also resembling that of a gaunt, emotionless shell... even more than what he did last night. With a shudder I remember the amount of blood that he spilt last night over that beggar, and the way in which he had moved.

What is uncanny is that he seemed to move in a fight almost exactly as if he's trained all of his life.

At that moment the door behind me opens, and I rush to find an unoccupied seat. Firstly I considered wandering next to Jou or Honda... but then I remember again.

"Class, Good morn," Tsuruoka says, glaring around at us all impressively. For one small moment, I see him glance at the wildly coloured haired teens at the back. "As I call out the register, answer me loudly." He unfolds a crumpled piece of paper from inside his wallet, extracts a pen from a nearby holder, and begins to call names.

I barely even hear a sound after he says each name. Whenever he hears no answer, he raises his head, then sighs heavily. It seems to be only a scatter of children who actually bother to appear in class. Therefore, I again find myself wondering when and what my next assignment shall be, and just how... bloody... things may become.

My thoughts turn back to the previous night. I gained a rather nasty stab thanks to Marik. And, apart from the fractious burning ache I experience whenever I walk, it is fully healed. The blood I had shed... the blood other's must have shed last night... it only takes the pure thought to make my body turn cold.

"Ryou Bakura?"

"Yes, Tsuruoka-san." I answer automatically, rising from my chair as I say the greeting. I sit again, lost in the catacombs of memory.

I can barely remember what occurred a mere weak ago. I wander my mind's labyrinth, jolted back to Earth with a sudden crash when a note landed in my lap expertly. I glanced around, but most were listening solemnly to Tsuruoka's talking about atonement. Unfolding the paper, I read thus:

'_Taken to school now Ryou? Surprised your father didn't try to kill you this time... or did the fluffy little bunnies in Gum drop land plant that illusion in your head instead?'_

I don't even need to read the name at the bottom to know who sent it. I could recognise that neat script anywhere. Hastily I answer back:

'_Whatever, Pharaoh. Tell me... any Ancient Egyptian whores approaching you lately? Or is that one of your own delusions?'_

When Tsuruoka opens the door and leads us out, I throw the paper and it hits the target. Yami grasps at the descending ball and reads quietly to his light, who stands on his tip toes to read with him. Yami's face pales incredibly, and he shoots another long, calculating glance in my direction. As a response, daring again, I wave gaily and step behind Honda to make our way to assembly.

I enter the ancient room, once brightly lit by large spotlights used during Drama and its productions. Now barely even a light can be seen and, as I glance around, I am not at all shocked to see that not many students are here, either. Our small group shuffles along a long row of chairs, and at last my body finds itself slumped into a chair tiredly. The light here is definitely NOT helping my urge to fall asleep...

Sensei Taishukan strides up and stands on, as far as I can tell, a small stage. Even in the dim light I can sense his own weariness, almost as if he too, much like whatever students he may have left, cannot be bothered.

"My pupils of Year nine," He begins, and one of my classmates beside me yawns loudly before he continues, "I am glad to see you here today. I have chosen today a subject for our assembly, and it focuses mainly on punctuality and effort."

"Oi, snow head!" Yami hisses, throwing a very crumpled piece of paper in my direction. I catch it just barely. But the sudden movement of light in the air has attracted the attention of Taishukan. The ageing educator pauses, and directs his gaze in my general direction.

"Is there something you would like to share with us?" He asks softly, pointing, to my great relief, behind me. I twist around in my seat and am faced with the smirking look of Jou. The dark rings around his eyes now cast an almost deathly appearance, enhanced by his slouching, casual position.

"Well, Katsuya?" Taishukan barks, his impatience taking a firm embrace over him, "Have you got anything to say?"

Jou shrugs, his smirk more pronounced as he sits up to talk. "If I did, I would've said it already, you stupid fat cunt."

"AAAAWWWW, JOU SAID A NAUGHTY WORD!" Honda sung in a babyish voice. The nearby students laughed, the atmosphere tensing for Jou's almost certain suspension. And I just didn't know what to do. I can sense clearly enough a few people's suspicious eyes rest upon me, but calmly I ignore them. It seems to be Jou's wish to escape school, in any case.

"KATSUYA JONOUCHI, STAND OUTSIDE!" Sensei roars, pointing a shaking fist to the door.

"ALRIGHT! Catch ya later Honda!" Jou exclaims happily, rising to a stand and jogging out of the assembly hall, positively skipping.

When the calm, drowsy feeling reaches me once more, I realise the note is still in my hand. Carefully, slouching down even more in my chair, I begin to read.

Bakura and Yugi

Yugi's taking his sweet little time to calm down. I can't particularly blame him, however... what Ryou wrote was more against Yugi than actually being friendly.

For if Ryou would have considered Yugi – not to mention, me – when he rose that blade to his wrist, then he would still be here. It seems my hikari did not comprehend fully the extent of what he was about to do. Fate works in extremely strange ways.

"Yugi, hush... do you want me to get the Pharaoh?" I ask softly, stroking the blonde bangs away from his innocent, sticky face. He gives me a small nod, and yet he doesn't draw back from the embrace. Almost fearing what the almighty Yami may do to me when he sees me hugging his light, I call the name of darkness.

Practically immediately the door swings open. I wonder if he had been listening at the door, yet these thoughts, and any others, are erased from my mind when I see Yami's face.

Gone is that assertiveness on his face; no more is the sharp, power commanding taint in his eyes; all that can be shown, is sorrow, at his hikari's pain. Gently he untangles Yugi from around me, and I slowly inch out of the tiny closet. A slight blur frames the ridges to my sight again, but bravely I fight my tears back down. There is no space here now for any form of grief. I must help my Ryou.

Abandoning the two now weeping in my cupboard, I make my way into the living room and see a faint image. It sits on the couch, reading a book, entirely on his own. His shape is smudged slightly around the edges... and I inhale an astonished breath.

I am watching Ryou. A bruise shines freshly on his cheek, as does a thin line of dried blood. Not wanting to attract the Mutou's attention, for fear of this illusion fading at another's presence, I shakily make a step forward.

"...Ryou?" I ask timidly, cursing the tremble detected in my voice.

He gives me no answer. I step forwards again, and wave my hand right in front of his face. He doesn't even blink.

"BASTARD! WHERE ARE YOU?" A loud growl from behind me makes me jump, and so does the ghostly projection of Ryou. He tenses, and seems to listen harder. A deafening crash echoes through the hallway, and I am locked in position, my face a deadly white.

And in I walk, tall and angry. My eyes widen as I finally realise what he is – what I am - about to do...

Yami's koi: SUSPENSE! Gotta love it... especially when I get these chapters out quick. Please excuse my late update... I was on a Battlefield Tour last week for four days in France and Belgium... I'm just glad I got this out today.

Bakura: Neutral Man's on vacation now, so I'm stuck here with her.

Yami's koi: A BIG huggle back and plushie of whichever character she wants is to Yami Insomniac. I feel sorta ok... and I wrote a new Suicide fic! Originally it was called Final Crime, but I've changed it to Solitary Suicide.

Ryou: Another thanks to Titanicbabe, LPGirl05, Lil-Riter and redconvoy for adding Yami's koi to alert list. Arigato!

Yami's koi: you won't be too pleased when you read the reviews for Solitary Suicide, Ryou...

Bakura: if you've made my Ryou die again...

Yami's koi: nah, not Ryou. I think I'll let the people decide where they want that fic to go. I'm not sure if I should have the yami reincarnated or not: it might sound like this too much.

Ryou: please R&R. BIG plushie to reviewers, it'll be of... Seto.

All: LUVVIES! Next chapter is in the works! o


	10. School Sucks

Yami's koi: arigato for every review I got: thanks for the encouragement. I love that a lot.

Ryou: Neutral Man's still on holiday, but he has about three more days until he gets back. So he'll probably make it into the endnotes.

Yami's koi: I had a day of angsty inspiration three days ago and NOW I just got more. AND some more! See ya at the end!

My ghostly projection makes its own way to my hikari who, sensing the approaching danger, squeaks and attempts to run. With this reaction, I watch in horror as my memory – if it really is that – darts forward swiftly and tackles him down to the ground, pinning him to the floor. Now Ryou lies on the floor, staring up at his yami in utter terror.

"B- Bakura...?" He begins to ask, but I silence him with a fist in his already injured cheek.

"You will say nothing, you fucking slut!" My ghost hisses, repeating the motion. Ryou bit his lip, trying so hard not to yell out. For if he did, he would be struck harder. And he knew that.

But at this my image howls with laughter, rising to a stand before leaping heavily down onto the slender form beneath him, crushing any air inside of Ryou with an elbow in his stomach. The hikari's eyes begin to water, and he cries out, unable to breathe. He arches up from the floor.

My smirk seems to darken, and I make to stand again...

"STOP!" I scream, sinking down to the floor, "DON'T!"

Ryou

'_How do you have any idea of my Egyptian heritage? I don't recognise your bastard face from anywhere... not even vaguely. If you're just trying to freak me out, then I'll get you. Both of us.'_

I sigh, then glance up at Sensei. His face is pale with anger, and he is staring right at me.

"And just what have you got there, Ryou?" He asks silkily, approaching me fast. Somehow in the midst of this situation I think fast – and draw from my pocket a crumpled piece of paper, switching it with the other.

Now Sensei leers over me.

"I'll take that, Ryou," He declares, snatching it from my hands, "And I'll read it out to everyone, shall I?" He bellows, right in my face. Naturally I had turned my head, and, still staring outside of the door, I shrug.

"Go one then. Do it already."

A nerve begins to twitch in his face, but he seems to allow it to pass. I hear rather than see him unfold the paper. He then reads out:

"Homework: Complete and colour worksheet..." He glances up at me, and I face him again. He's backed off a lot, which I am grateful for. His breath reeks.

Bakura

"BAKURA?!" A husky yell emits from the cupboard, and I hear loud footsteps echo off the wall. Just as I land for a second time on my light, the illusion fades and I scream again, my head in my hands and shaking a no.

"Bakura?" A slightly softer voice asks. I know it is Yugi. But I refuse to look up. If I do so, then he will see how horrified and scared I am.

Because I can no longer deny how terrified I am for my hikari. The Afterlife, Shadow Realm... all dark places... would never treat him the way he deserves. In the Shadow Realm, his soul would eventually be devoured and then lost forever, wandering aimlessly in the plains of darkness, until he himself became one of them.

But I somehow know that he isn't there. No, I would hear his thoughts, feel his pain, and discover his whereabouts if that were the situation...

He is almost definitely in Ra's debt now. And the Gods never allow a crime to go unpunished...

So what are they waiting for? Where's my chastising, whatever happened to that? Did they simply forget or am I dreaming?

No. I have never once had a dream yet in this life where Ryou was not involved. Of course, the plot and... genre... altered during the courses of time, until my sheets needed a wash every morning, my body needed to shower...

"Bakura?" Yugi repeats, resting a hand on my shoulder, "What is it?"

I glance up at him from my uncomfortable position on the floor, making an almost hopeless attempt to wipe my face clear of all fear.

"I... had a flashback..." I merely say, before rising abruptly and stalking out of the room, barely giving them time to hear my excuse. I race to the bathroom upstairs and stand over the toilet. With little grace you can muster when doing this, I raised my arm and held out two fingers. Slowly I entered these into my mouth, until they touched the back of my throat.

My body's natural reactions get the best of me. Vomit chokes its way out of me, every last bit of undigested food in my stomach forcing itself out of my mouth. Never thought that I would become bulimic... For now I know that this will not be the last time.

Not by a long shot.

Ryou

YES! We're finally out of that dank, dim aged building! Who exactly CARES about some old geezer who lived about fifty years ago and focused his energies on arriving early?

Still... I haven't been able to reply to the Pharaoh's message. I of course need to... since I don't want my face to look like a mashed potato.

"Class, I want you to start poems on a certain genre. I want this genre to be shown clearly through the words in which you use, especially in the last verse. You are limited to three verses only. Start now." Tsuruoka snaps, striding outside into the corridor. Even though we are three turns of a corridor away from the Hall, we can all hear Sensei Taishukan screaming at Jou perfectly. Yet even louder is the roaring voice of Tsuruoka.

Intently I listen, and then kick myself for my forgetfulness. Stealthily I activate the hidden ability of the Millennium Ring to hear what Jou is replying with, just in case I miss anything, and immediately my ears shudder. It seems I can hear perfectly well what is being said even from here, and without my Ring. With a sigh, I focus more on my poem.

Of course this poem is angst. What else could it be? I'm not about to dye my hair shocking pink, use blusher on my cheeks and adapt a style which indicates that fluffy little bunnies and kisses can overrule any form of evil. Because it _can't. _And I'm not the only one who knows that, right?

Wait... I can hear the approaching footsteps of inspiration near me again. With a small smile on my face, I begin to write.

Bakura

I've recovered from my small episode in the bathroom. Now I have returned to the intense formality of these books. Yugi's covering those written on the Ancient Spells, as is his Pharaoh, and I'm left with the Afterlife and History of Pharaohs: three thousand pages worth of total nothingness to me.

And if the Pharaoh's name gets mentioned, I'll retch again. He's pissing me off too much as it is. If he dares to insinuate that Ryou shall be suffering the most deadly of all punishments, and there is naught we may do to save him, then he will endure my best technique in Tomb Robbery.

Yet have I made much progress in finding useful information? On several pages I have noted down scraps of information about the afterlife, but now it seems to taunt me, leering out from every page to fill me with hope. I can only see the words I want to look at, though my mind screams at me to translate what was actually text in reality.

This is what I have just read:

'_Although many differed opinions argue against the concepts of the Gods and their ways of life, of all the most spectacular is undoubtedly the tale of an Ancient Pharaoh. He had no spouse, therefore no legal heirs to the throne, and yet, it is thanks to this one Pharaoh that we must owe our existence today. _

_Myth may have become a wild fairy tale throughout time, and, whether real or not, this is a story none must ever forget. Roughly five thousand years ago-' _So the Pharaoh, if he was brought into the world when Yugi was fifteen, and was eighteen when he 'died,' is Five thousand and twenty years old? Bloody hell, he's ancient... _'- This Pharaoh, and his people, began to indulge themselves in playing Shadow Games, or Duel Monsters. From this, higher stakes became involved, and an evil Sorcerer and his minions, along with these Shadow Monsters, played one fatal Shadow Game with the Pharaoh. If the Pharaoh were to lose, then his kingdom, and his world, would fall into darkness. And if he were to win, then the Shadow Games would be locked away, forgotten, until the end of time. In this catastrophe...' _

Fuck THAT! For Gods sake, who doesn't know from whence Duel Monsters originate? And who CARES that Kaiba and the Pharaoh had some family feud some thousand years ago, when you're looking to save your hikari?!

I sigh heavily and turn the page. This chapter is getting me nowhere fast, and its distressing me now. I finger in my pocket the last words Ryou wrote, those written for me. Later I shall read them again, when the Pharaoh and his Yugi have gone. Only then will I show weakness.

_Ryou_

"RYOU BAKURA!" A voice bellowed, "WHY did you show not only yourself up, but myself up this assembly?"

I glance up at the pale educator towering above me. I slide on an emotionless mask, and say,

"He shouldn't be so suspicious, sensei. I was checking to see if I'd done that work yet, which is what the school promotes, and then you say not to! Maybe Jou was right about him, though..."

"THAT'S IT! READ OUT WHATEVER YOU HAVE MANAGED TO WRITE NOW! Then we'll see who's so arrogant, shan't we?" Tsuruoka snarled, stepping back two paces from my desk as I rise. True enough, I have only written three stanzas. But I just hope that my shitty ability at poetry doesn't suck as much as I think it does. I stare down at my paper and begin to read:

"'_I'm still alive,_

_Didn't think I could survive._

_My tears begin to fade away,_

_And then, I vowed that you would pay._

_He next saw the revitalising lights,_

_My chains took flight..._

_And then my friends deserted me, would not come:_

_They left me here, until my body was numb._

_My body is full of a pain_

_That I cannot name:_

_A dark feeling inside..._

_My suicide.'"_

I stare up at Tsuruoka with a smile of triumph. Sure, the poetry in itself is too simplistic for my liking, but the message inside is clear enough. And from the look on the old bastard's face, he's deeply regretting ever calling at me to read out.

"Get out of this school, Ryou Bakura," He whispers in a deadly quiet hiss, "I do not want to see your face again until tomorrow. I expect an apology for such lack of shame for yourself. Now go home and explain to your parents why you've come home so early!"

I blink. What the FUCK was I supposed to have done now? Sure, this unexpected twist doesn't bother me, of course, but I would deeply appreciate it if I knew even the foundations of why I am going home earlier than usual.

So, I do this by asking the question nearly every truant asks his educator at some point.

"Huh? Why?"

"DON'T ask questions, Bakura!" He spits, slamming his fist down onto his front desk with a fractious look on his face.

Fuck... only the formation of that word is too much for me. He struck a nerve there, and he knows it. I reach by the side of my desk to retrieve my back, thrusting forcefully my belongings into it. My eyes never look down at what I am doing, but instead focus entirely on him. With a glare so murderous I feel almost frightened that I would get screamed at for it, I march out of the room. Yet, before I do, I pause.

"Don't expect an apology either, asshole." I whisper, shooting one last glance at the almost impressed look of the Pharaoh in the back corner. With a small toss of my head, I stride out of the door and into the unsurprisingly filled corridor. Several students whip their heads around. One even begins to follow me, but turns off suddenly at a corner.

Ah... now I know why I should have avoided this particular area of the school. For Jou is right around the corner, skulking. I pause, almost considering going back, but the Godly warning trickles down my back with such force it takes me by surprise.

Instead then, I'll do some spying. There is a certain point in the gardens in which you can sit on a bench and look in to see who's there. And the upside to the brilliant plan of mine? Those inside, if at a random angle, cannot see you.

And the downside? How to get out there in the first place. The doors leading out to the gardens may be locked. Then again, the locks had needed replacement ever since Yugi had been at this school, in the 'real' world.

I crouch down to the floor, making sure that I keep low when I move towards the doors. My right hand creeps up and tests the lock. No game, it seems. Locked.

Well, I can always call on my Ring's powers again. I close my eyes briefly and, with a small glimmer of light, the door lock clicks. I raise my arm again, and literally fall through the door. Wriggling my way along, I can just make out, through the bushes, where Jou stands. His usual posture is assumed – the trademark folding of the arms, his head lowered and eyes sulky – and I sense his inner rage boiling inside of him. It is just poised to surface, any moment now...

"AAAAWWWWWWWW, SOMEONE'S BOBBIN'!"

Shit. Fuck, bastard, tit-wank.

I hurl myself forwards into the bushes on pure instinct, gasping at the pain from my supposedly healed stomach wound, before rising and casually opening the door. I pray that Jou's mood will not be taken out on me, or that it has at least cooled sufficiently. Just enough so that I do not gain even more bruises.

Jou's head slowly looks up at me when I enter, and his eyes blaze with recognition. Then his lips curl up into a sneer.

"Got bollucked, Ryou?" He sniggers darkly, unfolding his arms and approaching me. I've never before actually been intimidated by our slight height difference, but now I feel it. Fuck, has he always been so tall? What is it about us hikari's that seems to demand we have a shortage in height? I'm not as innocent as that anymore, so shouldn't I really be putting on a major growth spurt?

"What did you do anyway?" I decide to ask, squashing the insane urge to hit him.

Jou jerks his head up an inch, never once glancing away from me. "Gave him some shit the other day. So I'm getting done for every bastard thing now. But I did give him the super scary forbidden sign." He says the last part mockingly, and I can guess what he is implying. The two fingered salute.

Something returns to me now, my old hikari curiosity. Folding my own arms and stepping back slightly, just for my own comfort, I ask:

"Why did you save me last night?"

He shrugs, and averts his gaze to a door on the left. It is swinging, so obviously someone has just entered. Even when he answers me, he does not wrench his stare from the door.

"Guess I didn't want you dead or raped. I know those cunts, I know what they can do, and don't ask me why. And... You have that look." He glances back now for the briefest of moments to regard my face, "The look that says you're haunted."

I blink. Never before has anyone been able to detect even my most hidden attributes before. But then, this is a complicated lifestyle that I must adapt to in order to return home. For that is the one motivation, that one spark of hope, that I have managed to maintain. Even if I must face this alone, then the thought of Bakura shall keep me walking forwards.

"Jou," I begin, eyeing the door now myself, "How can you tell?"

Heard from his lips is the quietest of laughs, and from his lips the barest of smiles. "I've seen that look for fifteen years now. To not recognise it would be stupid."

Fair enough. A valid answer. Maybe it could have been clearer, but I don't want to sound too intrusive.

Again I marvel at the different features I am so unaccustomed to seeing on his usually cheery, smiling face. The rings underneath his eyes suggest weariness and a struggle worth contemplation. His gaunt look could spook even the Game King, and a long, pale scar that runs across his left cheek only enhances my opinion. The clothes he wears are quite worn, with tears at the knee and inner thigh. Dirt and what most probably is blood pools on his jacket and collar. I heave a large sigh.

"Well, I'm going home. I got done by teach for reading out a poem. He told me to go home, so I told him fuck off. You coming with?"

"Hey kid, just because I talk doesn't mean I like." Jou states coldly, turning to face the door he is transfixed upon face on, "Go if you have to. I don't want you to even think about talking to me again. But I will say this: if you're gonna die, I'll save your ass. I don't favour people, but..." He trails off, leaving me with an unsated curiosity.

Still, if I must leave, then I know it. There is a tension in the air that suggests the talk is over. Glancing one long, last look at Jou, I wander away, through the same doors that he stares at. Perhaps he stared at it to drop me a hint that I could not take?

Anything here is possible, I decide, as I emerge from the corridor and into a narrow outdoor passageway to quickly get out of here. It takes just the odd rise of dust from the sloping roof, or mayhaps even a fallen brick, to suggest that I am not alone. With a shudder, I renter the building. The long route doesn't seem quite so bad now after all.

_Bakura_

Fucking hell. It's only ten and I desperately want, _need,_ both Mutou's to leave. I feel almost as if I am attached to a seat of magnets. Every time I attempt to stand, a pull emits from the text I am reading, as if to persuade me never to relent until I have found my hikari once more.

Though hope is still here. One of my likes about this world is that it can actually rain in Japan, and not for about four months, either. The gentle drizzle of rain lands gently on the windows, occasionally being blown in through the slightly open window.

Though many things I find as a form of solace, this has been the only thing that has managed to calm me enough to read. I painfully remember that I had barely slept, and am reminded constantly by many symptoms. For instance, my face is paler than usual, my silvery locks managing to reinforce this statement. Dark rings have formed under those emotionless eyes of mine. My posture is that of defeat.

I almost remind myself of when Jou was ambushed by those supposed thugs. They had forced his eyes open and, much to my vindictive amusement, had sprayed almost half a litre of a fire extinguisher into them. His eyes had been so red, and could hardly keep themselves open.

The tiniest flicker of a smile manages to find its way to my mouth before fading. I turn the page, and am faced with more bloody formality and technical shit I doubt even my light could have been able to translate. Well, into understandable English, anyway.

_Someone, Ryou's 'new' school_

Sod this. I've stood here, listening too long about how brilliant other students are. Coincidentally, those are the ones I've managed to bully. Or put in a coma for a couple of days.

Hai... this is the way things work here at Domino High. If a certain person is rumoured to have gotten the highest score in School records, his body comes in the next day with the accessory of a sling, with perhaps a few stitches. The worst casualty to ever be inflicted by bullying was 'drink driving' from someone who has been expelled from this place because of it. Lucky him.

I'm going to dismiss everything now. Fuck it, I've stood here listening to shit from too many people now. I hate it when bastards are telling me what to do, trying to push me around.

I hitch my bag higher onto my back, and push open the door. Since going home won't work out, I'll go to the cemetery that bears my second name within its walls. Then I'll hang, maybe find some cash to burn, then come back to meet with a few gies here. After that... what will become of poor old, hostile me?

I smirk. It's pretty damn obvious. I find another bastard to take the piss out of, maybe to fight with. My allowance has been cut again, so I can't train. Without training, I can't improve.

And that is why she is dead.

I reflect on what happened. Why did she have to be so stupid? Why couldn't she have just gone to the pizza place like I told her to, instead of going underneath that cliff? More importantly why... did that rock have to fall...?

I am so lost in myself that I only come back to reality when legs are forced form underneath me. I land with a crash, and a small yelp, just outside of the school entrance. Angrily I turn over, fully prepared to fend myself from my attacker... and my eyes widen.

"YOU!"

Yami's koi: ooh, it's official now: every bloody chapter I do ends with a cliffhanger. Ok, I gotta apologise. Last week I was in Gran Canaria so I couldn't write, and I was really bad because of it. And the hotel was pretty shitty. An ant bit me and the scab's still on my foot. We found two cockroaches. And loads of ants.

Neutral Man: sounds like you had the time of your life, then.

Yami's koi: that reminds me, Good Riddance (Time of your Life) and Headstrong will have two new chapters coming out very shortly.

Ryou: great. Care to hazard a guess at who has died, and who has wide eyes and cries 'YOU!'?

Yami's koi: so. Himiko-da-evil-witch, I love plushies too. Here you go, all the plushies you could possibly wish for! Fires seventeen truckloads from cannon Right, I've noticed there's some confusion about Ryou's 'world.' No, it's not the past. I'll just let your imaginations figure out that one for a while. Ryou's next task is deathly. All the violence you could possibly want is in the next chapter! Oh and, excuse my bad excuse for poetry in this chapter, it's been one of my more weaker days. Please review, Luvvies.


	11. Death of an innocent Heartbreaker

Yami's koi: in this chapter… someone will die!

Bakura: better be someone I hate, mortal. Otherwise you will have to face the consequences.

Neutral Man: what consequences?

Bakura: like having to face my almighty wrath.

Yami's koi: okay then. More at the bottom, dudes!

I have finally managed to get back to this shit hole of a house that the Gods Ra and Osiris have fashioned – or rather, half fashioned - for me. Despite the sticky heat of September, I shiver, and pull my thin blanket over my shoulders half-heartedly. My eyes are so weary after… two and half-hours of being awake. Damn…

Well, I have nothing better to do. And what harm could this do to me? Possibly a peaceful dream will come my way… Fuck this… I'm going to sleep. Not that I can keep my eyes open for much longer anyway.

My only hope is that my dreams will not be plagued with more images of my beloved Bakura.

_Bakura_

The doorbell rings. Hastily I snap shut all open textbooks, much to the Pharaoh's disgust, and approach the door. I grasp hastily from my back pocket a curved knife, imprinted into its handle a carving of magnificence – an eagle, flawless and in exact detail as in real life. Still, I have no time to admire minutiae.

Through the blurred, fogged glass, I can just make out a blonde, tall and lithe figure, and I groan, loudly. Just what I need. That fucking dumbass. Could anything get possible worse than what it already is? Of course, things could… but I am unprepared to dwell on that.

Still, he sees me, and rings the doorbell once more pointedly. With a grimace I wrench it open and, before I know it, he has barged straight past me.

"Bastard," I mutter, following him. Conveniently forgetting about the knife I am holding whilst I am at it. Yes… 'Forgotten.' If I weren't so depressed, I would be more than happy to play a little joke on our idiot friend here.

But since it is Jou…

"You are supposed to ask before just entering into my personal domain, Katsuya," I berate, stepping in front of him agilely. He pauses and stares at me, unconcern in his honey-coloured eyes. "And now you shall be punished!" I announce, pointing at his nose with my knife. "Prepare to fence!"

"Oh, piss of Bakura. I'm not here for you." Jou snarls, turning his back on me to face the Pharaoh's aibou. "Yugi. Your Grandfather told me you would be here. I have a… slight problem."

At these words I snap. He dares to sound so miserable and lonely when I am barely coping here with my maddening grief? This time, I could actually stab him in the back. My motive would be true and just. The only fault with this plan is that I would lose my two most helpful reading tools. Shit. Still, I may shout in his face for a while…

"Oh yeah? Well unless you have a black mark on your skin, and dealing with depression because your hikari is dead, I suggest that you FUCK OFF YOURSELF!" I scream, pointing with my blade to the door. "If you are grieving and have a dark mark, then you are more than welcome to stay here."

Jou blinks, unable to believe what I have just said. His cheeks have paled considerably, and his eyes brighten slightly with the unmistakable glisten of tears.

"Where… where's… where is Ryou?" He stutters, his voice too cracked to form a sentence properly.

I heave a heavy sigh, and run my fingers through the irregular silvery spikes of my hair. I then stop, remembering the last time I had done such a form of habit… my own hikari, dead, because of… of me.

Right now I could do without having his wide, chocolate eyes staring at me with caution, his hands covering his mouth to suppress a sob. It has the exact same effect as looking in the mirror when upset: unless you shatter it, you weep even harder.

A tear finds its way down my cheek, this a sign for Jou to understand. Just to repeat the events of yesterday by mouth once more is becoming too much for me to handle.

He moves not one inch, though his eyes follow the path my tear takes. I release a small groan when I realise that he has not quite grasped my meaning. Poor mortal… he probably deems that his presence is enough to depress me.

"Ryou is… um… Ryou is… he… he's dead." I manage finally, a warm flush reaching my cheeks as more signs of weakness fall. I only hear his gasp of shock before I rush into the kitchen, my fingers touching the back of my mouth. My stomach churns, and the foul, abhorrent substance chokes its way out of my mouth. I clutch my stomach with my free hand; pressing in at regular intervals to coax even more massed up fluid to make its presence known.

After this occurs several times, I notice that my puke has turned into a white, almost clear, substance. Bile. Fuck… that bulimic trick is becoming _really_ addictive to me…

_Ryou, dream_

"YOU!"

The figure above him smirks. Not one part of his face is exposed to me apart from his lips, the rest being shrouded in complete darkness. Assuming that I name this person 'Shadow,' with the other person being named 'Defenceless,' I feel that I could interpret this situation quite well. Defenceless has been attacked whilst on the way home, much too early, from school, which explains his swiftness – he did not want to be found. However, his concentration had stayed, allowing Shadow to take him down to the ground.

A short laugh emits from Shadow's lips. "Who did you expect, Father Christmas?"

Shadow's voice is low and… almost husky. And too familiar for my liking. However, I find myself unable to place that voice… I need to see his face.

Defenceless stares into the face of his attacker, a mixed look of horror and rage rampaging across his features. Almost as if to perplex me further, his face is also shadowed.

Shaking his head, Defenceless says, "Not you…" Then, I see something cross his face. A deathly looking snarl reaches his lips.

"YOU WERE THE ONE WHO KILLED HER!"

Shadow bursts out into fits of haunting laughter, shaking Defenceless' collar in time with the eerie noise. Such a laugh causes a chill to run up my spine. I have never heard something so ghastly…

"_You _accuse _me _of killing someone? Come now, surely you have killed many more than what I have…"

Defenceless' body stiffens beneath Shadow's touch. A nerve has been struck, it would seem. And Shadow is fully aware of it. "I have decent enough motives. I don't kill purely for the sake of it. You should know this…"

Shadow's lips curl up into a sneer. He fists another hand into his opposition's clothing, lifting him so that he can now stand independently. I sincerely hope that he does not release another unearthly howl. The tingling sensation down my spine…

"Are you prepared to battle, little one?"

Defenceless crouches down into a fighting position, and I hypothesise correctly at what Shadow does next. He expels from his mouth that unique foul laughter of his, mocking and authoritative.

"Very well. Prepare to die!" Shadow cackles, darting forwards with a long, sharply edged blade. Fortunately Defenceless blocks it, parrying it with his own. Sadly, the blade he carries seems to be like a dagger compared to that of Shadow's. I fear the outcome of this…

They circle each other, not even the twitch of lips moving when one feigns the first move. My heart is racing in anticipation, along with a slightly sickened feeling in my injured gut. Absently I rub over the long, white scar that shoots across my stomach, coaxing it into a lesser pain.

Shadow this time misleads Defenceless into believing he will strike, which the poor fool does accept as the truthful first move.

"First blood is mine!" Defenceless cries out, flitting forwards to jab at his opponent's chest, falling just several inches short due to their slight difference in height. Nevertheless, Shadow dodges the almost careless stab, and manoeuvres around so that he is at Defenceless' left side.

Before Defenceless can glance around, or even register his own surprise at this, the slightly less inexperienced one falls once more. A well of blood can be seen near his shoulder, just beneath his clothes, yet I deem that the cut is quite shallow: and yet just enough to make one's skin tingle. Unluckily for Shadow, I feel Defenceless' inner rage bubble fractiously, displayed as a snarl upon his lips.

"You'll pay for that one, baka!" He screeches, jabbing his dagger once more at Shadow's chest. In retaliation, his taller nemesis mocks him by using a mere one hand to obstruct the slashes made, sneering that his sword skills were always pitiful.

Despite the obvious advantage that Shadow has, I feel more inclined to support Defenceless. Yet when I open my mouth to call out my encouragement, it ends with a highly pitched scream, forgetting that I am not supposed to be viewing this.

Defenceless had just dashed forwards once more for a surprise attack. Yet as soon as his blade struck Shadow's shoulder, he released an unearthly cry of his own. Drawing back in what I interpret as raw agony, slouched over slightly; I see a second sword, impaled into Defenceless' right hip. That was unjust…

Defenceless, now true to his name, falls to his knees, then on his uninjured side. I can almost feel his life force being extracted from his body, Anubis and his Chariot approaching swiftly. Shadow leers over the defeated figure.

"I think I shall leave you here for someone to find," He states, turning on his heel to stride off.

At this I feel rage. Pure, unrestrained, hatred. How can someone kill another so needlessly? Forgetting completely that I am much less experienced, I make to chase him. To make him take back what he has done, to persuade him to run for aid.

Then I hear a moan come from behind me. Iie, my mind reasons, iie, that would be a waste of energy. Instead, I feel that I should go and comfort poor Defenceless in his last few moments… if he can hear me.

I approach him swiftly, and his head turns. Hs mouth opens slightly.

"You were the one who screamed… he didn't hear ya…"

"Shush," I whisper, covering him with his ripped coat to keep him warm, although it is now splattered with his blood. The small amount of skin exposed to me visually around his shadowed face pales, and I can feel more of his life being absorbed by Anubis for his own purposes. "I cannot help you, but what I can tell you is that where you are going is better than what it is here… It just has to be."

He smiles faintly. "Arigatou… I need that."

I smile back, allowing his head to rest slightly upon my knee. I stroke his pale, messed up hair comfortingly, though I can feel his efforts, and courage, wavering.

"Ryou…!"

My head jerks to look at Defenceless' lifeless face. Two fingers gently press against the exposed flesh of his neck.

He is dead… and the shadow is clearing.

My eyes widen in shock, and my hand falls limply to my side. Tears begin to form in the corner of my eyes, and my mouth opens several times before closing once more. I sniff, before my tears and grief can be shown. Clenching my fists into his hair, I begin to keen.

"NNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!" I roar, not caring if Shadow bothered to return at the cry to gloat in triumph. I shake my head fiercely, as if to refuse that such an outrage had occurred. This could not have happened… there is no conceivable way…

"No, not you. Please…" I whisper desperately, feeling his wrists for a pulse frantically, although I know he no longer lives. Willing myself to calm, I locate where his pulse should be. I feel nothing: my previous attempt was not mistaken. An endless abyss of silence. No comforting beating, no resistance to my actions… I cannot, do not want, to believe that it is he who has just died.

But there is no denying it. The form that I am supporting right here in my arms… now so heavy and broken… is Katsuya Jonouchi.

_End of dream_

"FUCK!" I exclaim, bolting upright from my makeshift bed. Startled, I glance around, and find the ghostly figure of Osiris sitting nearby. He watches me intently, those dark and soulless orbs staring straight at me. For one moment I stare back, unable to banish the vision of his less divine form.

Yet after that moment, as I am unable to interpret his current mood, or motives, I reach for my jacket whilst rising to a stand. I must ensure that Jou is okay. That he never left the school.

That he is still alive.

Without even so much as another glance at the God behind me, I wrench open the wooden, plain door, and begin to run. I pass several smoking teenagers in the street, obviously too stoned to mock me for my lack of speed.

'Please, no, don't be dead,' my mind screams as I pant, breaking only once near a corner shop that I used to visit everyday for candy. My brain resumes in showing me small flashbacks of the dream… Shadow's haunting laugh… the way they parried each other's moves… how I had spoken to Jou in his last few moments… how Jou had stared up at me when he had died. Before I awoke, I just hope that I had closed his eyes… I cannot stand such a blank look, devoid of all life behind them…

I round the next corner, attempting to gather more speed. I must find him before anyone else does… must ensure that he lives…

_Bakura_

Barely no time has passed, or at least to me. I can hear a light sobbing from within the adjacent room, doubtless coming from the broken hikari of the Pharaoh. And yet I still have no realistic intentions of re-entering that room, seeing every form of pity imaginable being flashed in my direction from their eyes.

I hear a lightly padding footfall behind me, pausing just before he can touch me. Instinctively I know that the figure is Yami… no one else could possess such an aura of authority and sorrow… sorrow. He knows nothing of the loss in which I have suffered both yesterday and today. Reading Ryou's last words were enough. They… touched me, right at the heart. No one has ever had neither the permission nor ability to actually do such a thing to me before. My tears did not spill onto the page, which they might have done to someone much weaker, yet I did cry. Hell, I cried so hard last night… I keened my grief, screaming out in my Ancient Tongue to express myself even more so.

What startles me now is the feeling of a hand placed on my side, persuading my body to turn or face being broken again. Yami stares intently into my eyes, then at the contents still rippling in the sink.

"You have been sick. That is understandable," He says gently, his tone soothing me greatly. My trembling is still there, restless and wild, yet it is less now.

"Come. Take a seat, Bakura. The faster we may read, the sooner you shall have Ryou back." He adds, steering me softly but insistently into the living room.

Immediately I note that Jou has vanished – most probably gone home to mourn for my hikari. With a sudden jolt I realise that this has not only affected me, as it is so easy to forget in times of intense anguish. I stare into both Mutou's faces and, I note, that both are tired, pale and, in Yugi's case, shuddering. I do not know whether to feel more sorrowful, grateful, or selfish. It is so easy to take things for granted…

…Just like I did to my hikari.

_Osiris_

"My master?" I ask, rapping lightly on the hall of light's most elaborate, delicately carved door. It is made from the finest of all oak, with carvings depicting many scenes that occurred throughout Egypt during Yami's reign. I hear a small mumble from inside declaring that I may enter, and I take a long, deep breath. This sight never fails to impress me…

My Lord, master and creator, stands there, staring out of the overly illuminated window. How he ever managed to withstand such brutal light force, and gradually build that up over time never ceases to amaze me.

Yet this is not why I have come. I must speak to Ra… and discuss the youthful, and fallen, Ryou Bakura.

He turns and offers me a brief smile, before settling down onto a golden substance that is tainted with the purest of all silvers… the one much too divine to gift the mortals below us with. A hand raises and gestures to the chair opposite his own, and I gladly take it. I feel uneasy when in the presence of Ra, and he sat when I am standing, and it shows. Laying down my sceptre, now a deep violet colour, I begin.

"Master, I am… concerned for our newest arrival. Although it is most unlike me to pity a mere mortal, I must admit that his case was enough to turn my stomach. Did it not yours?"

Ra grimaces slightly as he thinks… a most endearing habit in which he possesses. Eventually, I claim my answer.

"Slightly. He realised too late his fault, and for that I must consider him as a unique and… hopeful… child." He pauses slightly before continuing, adjusting an armband.

"I… have been monitoring the Tomb Robber Bakura, Ryou's counterpart, and his movements most intensely of late. It seems that he and the Pharaoh have set aside their differences, great though they still are, and are searching through texts to resurrect his Ryou. It is futile," He adds, "Because for that, he need a body. And that is what we have."

I pause for one moment to absorb fully what Ra has just said. His smooth, tanned face seems to grin in amusement. It is then in which I realise something.

"Master-"

"Osiris…" Ra begins, wearily, and I can almost predict what he is about to state, "Must you call me that? We are equals, friends. Not even mortals would offer me such respect, or at least not now in this day and age. Ra is my given name, and I pray you use it."

I smile. "Ra, you just said 'his Ryou.' Would this imply---?"

Ra's smirk widens, a slight flash glistening in his eyes. That look is so mischievous, never to be seen by any living mortal, or any mortal, for that matter. It is only I, and perhaps other close friends, who have seen such a side to the Great Sun God.

"You have a problem about Bakura being yaoi?"

The way he is looking at me is unnerving. I shake my head, unable to do much else.

"No… I have no problem." Ra seems to smile gently now, not smirk, and he surveys me with his deep sapphire eyes. Although to mere mortals, our eyes are naught but expressionless orbs, we superior beings see each other with actual eyes. And beautiful Ra's eyes are. And yet so is everything about him.

"Osiris…" He whispers, rising to a stand. I do not move, or even twist around in my levitating golden throne to see what he is doing behind me.

Then I feel a small, light kiss just below my ear, and my eyes widen.

_Ryou_

I am just rounding the corner to our school, and, even from here, I can see a small, unmoving figure before me. With sudden respect for the one in which I know is dead, I fall to the ground beside him. I feel for a pulse in his neck, but instead feel my own, uncontrollable, rapid, restless beating, almost mocking the fact that the one lay next to me has none. It is almost as if the beat is compensating for the loss of another.

I take a shaky breath, trying to calm my own heartbeat. I must be sure… must make sure that he is dead before I seek assistance from within the school. From where I will probably be blamed for this.

Now that my breathing is relaxed, I know what I must do. Yet when I touch the skin for a second time, I notice the thrilling coldness of the skin in comparison to my own sweating form. My fingers move to the exact place they had felt in my so-called dream, now more like a never-ending horrifying vision.

Again, I feel no beat. There is no part of me now that can convince me that he still lives, that Shadow never came to murder him.

I must contact Shizuka. She should be the first to know that her poor niisan had died. Slowly I rise from my kneeling position and, with deep remorse slowly making their way from my eyes, I venture back into the school.

_Osiris_

"Ah… Ra?" I stutter, feeling my Lord's warm, inviting lips travel down from my ear to my cheek, kissing every inch there. Strong, muscled arms come around me, the tempting embrace causing me to melt.

"Hmmm?" He whispers into my ear softly, nuzzling the exposed skin there. Despite myself I cannot quite suppress a small whimper, my breathing coming ragged from my mouth. I… have never been touched like this before…

When I do not answer him, he pauses his ministrations and turns me around, pulling me to my feet. I note immediately that he has not released his grip on my hand. His flawless azure eyes stare intensely into my own, alight with both lust and wonder.

"Do… Osiris, is this what you want?" Ra asks me, stroking a strand of dark hair from my eyes, afterwards using it to caress my cheek. I nod my head after not even a second of thought.

"Yes."

He smiles. "Then allow me to show you to my room…" He whispers seductively, leading us both out of his office. My heart is racing… and I have never experienced such bliss. For long now I have wanted my master, but have never said anything because of my fear of rejection.

And it is then that I realise. It seems that poor Ryou's situation has inspired him. He desires me to know before we part, drastically thrown into the chasms of chaos once more.

Thank you, Ryou.

_Ryou_

"Master Ryou Bakura, we are aware that you were dismissed from within this school at approximately ten minutes past ten today, due to the usage of the word suicide in front of your sensei. You confirmed just that you arrived home twenty minutes later, and fell asleep. What made you return to the school?" Sheriff Nihongo asked, peering intently into my eyes.

I have alerted the school who, eventually, believed my story and contacted the police. They have believed my story up until now. Yet how do you explain to someone that you had a prophetic dream?

The rational answer is that you don't. But in a completely alternate universe (I still remain clueless as to where I am), how would you go about such a subject?

Come on Ryou… think! To stall for some time, I release a shuddery breath, laying my head close to the table to feign sobbing. Small whimpers of sorrow choke their way out from within my mouth, and I stare at the table from my current position hopelessly.

Shit. Why didn't I take this into account?

"I… my father asked me to go grocery shopping for us…" I say in between sobs, raising my head slightly to look at them. Well, from their faces, I can say, with utter confidence, that I act quite well. "And then I turned… the corner… and I saw… I saw…"

"Take your time, Ryou." Nihongo says gently, though a cold glint in his eye granting him special permission to hell and back. "Don't worry now… Ryou, did you see anyone around that area? Anyone at all?"

I stare into their eyes so that they may never accuse me of lying, trying also not to blink more than I usually do.

"I… can't remember." I say finally, folding my arms. Nihongo glances at the time with a slight grimace.

"Interview concluded at approximately eleven fifteen hundred hours." He presses a small button on the recording machine and looks at me once more, regarding my tearful, flushed face with almost pity. "You may leave now." He says eventually.

I rise and smile weakly. My relief is hidden when I turn, my eyes raising to the sky above. What both Osiris and Ra are doing at this precise moment, I know not what to deem of them.

I must find Shizuka. I feel that she has the right to know before anyone else.

So, instead of heading left, I go right. Just as I set foot back within the building, the break bell rings, and I head a thunderous approach.

I think for a moment. Yugi would be in Science now, so he would be most likely to head for the Old Hall, probably the only building within a school which has a straightforward name, which directs you to the point quickly. It is a hall that is old! How ingenious of me to finally acknowledge that slight fact that so many seem to overlook.

I push open the double doors and enter the Old Hall. Once again, the familiar scent of rotted cheese and diesel petrol enters my system through the nose. After several moments of reflecting about Bakura and Yami's daily race in this room, I spot Yugi and Yami, huddled close in a corner. Yami is whispering into his hikari's ear, and I wonder just how… close… they truly are.

I inhale deeply, and head towards them. Should I tell them that Jou has died before I ask where Shizuka is? It would seem logical, ne?

"Yugi…?" I say, without awaiting his respond. "I have something to tell you… and I need you to tell me where Shizuka is."

He regards me with both disbelief and sorrow. Yet beneath that, I see his rage. The rage that was fuelled by Yami's appearance.

"How you know about Shizuka, I shall probably never know," Yami says at length, parting slightly from his light, "Yet this is not… easy to complete."

My smile falters. "Please. It is vitally important. She must be the first to know."

"You don't know?" Yugi asks, tears streaming down his face. He lunges forwards, free from Yami's grasp, staring up at me in anger and in sorrow.

"Jou told you about his sister… AND DIDN'T TELL YOU THAT SHE IS DEAD?"

NANI? What did he… just say to me…?

Oh, shit. This cannot be happening… cannot have happened to her. She is dead? Not now… IIE!!

My face pales dangerously close to the tone of my hair. I lay a hand on the nearby wall to support myself, running my other through the spikes of my hair. The action only bringing tears to fall from my eyes at the remembrance of Bakura. It seems that I have some explaining to do.

"Ryou, why did you have to bring that subject up?" Yami demands, gingerly steering his little Yugi to the side so that he can bellow in my face. At least, in this world, he knows how and when to protect his chibi tenshi.

I release a shuddery breath, my voice coming out choked and husky from my tears.

"I have every intention of telling you... especially now because I know of Shizuka's death. I… wanted to tell Shizuka that… Jou is… dead."

Their faces turn a deadly white, competing with my own.

_Bakura_

_I must tell them… but… she can't be gone! It's just not right!_

My head jerks up too suddenly for no one to not note it. Yugi glances at me and, seeing the look of complete horror upon my face, decides to keep his silence. The Pharaoh is doing naught but staring at me, regarding my face with interest. I am unfazed by neither reaction, focusing solely on the voice I have just heard.

That voice… it was so like my Ryou's own… but could it even be his? I have heard his voice before, when it was not intended.

However, this is different, and by far. He was committing suicide at that precise moment, on the brink of death and yet still living. Now he is dead, probably suffering the eternal torments of Anubis' lethally acclaimed passageways, dedicated now to experiencing only agonising torture.

_Why, Jou? Why did Shadow have such a grudge? What did you ever do to harm him? _

Shadow? Harm… who? Does he mean Jou? Is Shadow he or another?

AAAGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH? WHAT THE _FUCK _IS GOING ON?! Am I truly becoming deluded from my grief?

Or is it… _really_ Ryou's voice that I am hearing?

Yami's koi: wahey! One person who reviewed got the person, and his sister, right! Wow… this is eleven pages long! Did it satisfy your needs for angst? A death! How more violent can you get?

Neutral Man: er, a war?

Yami's koi: that would be too demanding for me, but a very valid point. Over a million deaths to write!

Bakura: rereads chapter and I would turn bulimic for what reason?

Yami's koi: the grief that is turning you mad, apparently. Now… I'm thinking of doing a LOTR parody with Yugioh characters in it. I got the main people figured out… like Yugi is Frodo, Anzu is Gollum, Jou is Pippin, Honda is Merry… what do you think? Please review and give me your thoughts on this. And the comments on the story so far, of course.

Neutral Man: Tell her how crappy and gay her writing really is.

Yami's koi: just because you suck so much, you have to be jealous. Thought enters mind Bakura! NM said that Ryou is a mother fucking cocksucker and that he hates you so much!

Bakura: COME HERE YOU BASTARD! YOU'LL NEVER GET AWAY WITH CALLIMG _MY _RYOU THAT!

Yami's koi: like I said, plushie of… Jou for reviewers. Please review! The plushie comes with the traditional edible rose of the finest Belgium chocolate. Or, just take a donut with chocolate sauce to dip it in with! LUVVIES!!


	12. We finally see Kaibaboy

Yami's koi: it seems a lot of people are debating about where the hell Ryou is. Well… I've known since the second chapter.

Neutral Man: why not write a jolly old fic about the war?

Yami's koi: too demanding. Besides… I couldn't have Yami's head blown off. Well, it would be a decent story if Yugi were next to him… hey, is that a good idea?

Neutral Man: _sighs_ see ya later…

I sigh and snuggle against my lover's chest contentedly. He smiles and kisses my hair of a chestnut hue and settles back, crushing me to his chest in a warm, loving embrace. Covers come to shelter us from the cold, and I feel that nothing else can make me happier.

We have just made love. Fuck, how I ever managed to live with the curse called virginity is an unthinkable prospect. Now that I am... bound to someone, I cannot unmake it. The kisses whilst he prepared me distracted me from the discomfort I was experiencing. The areas of my body being teased in our foreplay. The way that each thrust hit my sensitive prostrate every time.

I whimper in protest when I feel the comforting arms around me fall to his side as Ra rises, getting out of bed. Oh shit… is this a rejection? A silent declaration that I displeased him somehow, that he realised our actions were a mistake to be forgotten?

Noting my scared look, Ra smiles at me sweetly. "No, Osiris. I have not deserted to. I feel that we should check on our newest subject…"

I too, smile, and stand to be beside him. I wind my hands around his bare body, kissing lightly his exposed neck from behind. I feel him melt in my arms, and I sigh.

A thin mist swirls before us and, with the uttered word of summoning, we see ourselves faced in an unfamiliar expression on an innocent face. Or, at least, that was how Ryou 'knew' it to be.

Yugi his name is, and tears are falling down his cheeks. Yami, his lover, attempts to comfort him using their link, in vain. Ryou too, seems to be distressed also, weeping much more quietly than his supposed friend is. Several people nearby are either laughing at them or containing their own feelings of pity for the poor Mutou. Obviously, no pain would be felt for Ryou, as the new student never had many friends to begin with. He could feel upset if he so desired. Reading Ryou's thoughts, I hear many along the lines of, 'Why, Jou? Why did Shadow have such a grudge? What did you ever do to harm him?

My eyes narrow. This wasn't a part of our plan…

_Bakura_

I have not moved since first hearing that voice. I am completely fathomed, thrust totally into the dark abyss of bewilderment, as to how I can hear my hikari's beautiful, lilting voice.

I shake my head. Surely I cannot be hearing this. Ryou is dead, gone forever…

ARGH! Iie, because I am going to bring him back, with the aid of an unwilling Pharaoh and another broken hikari. Provided that Ryou has not inspired Yugi to harm himself… then I am content with their company.

Things are beginning to get odder. Stretching over to tear a small piece of paper from Yugi's third of the table, along with a pen, I begin to create a timeline of events.

_23rd July 2004, 3:30 – Ryou died. Same day – began to search through texts. At roughly 6:45 – strange dark marks, varied in size and colour, appear on Pharaoh and Yugi. 24th July – begin to hear voices. _

I pause, and hazard a glance in both Mutou's direction. I note they are both staring at me.

"Have you found anything, Bakura? You appear to be writing a lot."

The Pharaoh. Always so foreword and confident, whereas his hikari is so silent and often shy.

I shake my head, hastily thrusting the paper into my pocket. I shall consult it later and evaluate the evidence then.

_Fuck! Why did you ever have to be so violent? You could have prevented your sister's death! _

"Holy fucking shit!" I cry out, racing towards the phone. I note my hikari's phonebook on the shelf in which the phone once lay on before I pick both up. The book is locked. Smirking, I produce my knife once more to pick the lock. These modern objects are so easy to hack into… even Kaiba's mainframe computer system, though he is not aware of my small breaking in to overlook and alter several statistics.

It is now open, and I look under J, for her last name. I find Shizuka's number, and dial it. Anxiously I press the phone to my ear, desperately hoping against hope that she shall answer the call.

"Moshi-moshi?"

"Shizuka, you're alive! Thank bloody Ra! Right, ignore this phone call." I say breathlessly, hanging up swiftly. I have no time left for questions, especially from Shizuka's mouth. As long as she is okay… hey, why should I care? I can't even stand the girl!

Still… I think that this experience for me has made me seek allies in the most unlikely of places, in my dire situation. Take Yami, for example. I have even taken to naming him by his birth name… how sad of me.

To seek aid from an enemy would be something usually I would scorn.

_I never meant for me to say this so unexpectedly…_

There it goes again! A voice, probably hopeful dreams from my grieving mind, is clearly fake. Ryou never speaks… spoke… so oddly. Almost as if he is broken. Haunted, scared, horrified, whatever you wish to call it. All I know is that I need answers. And, the sooner I can find them… the quicker I will be able to feel Ryou in my arms.

_Ryou_

"I know that I am far from being fair, telling you here," I say quietly, a fresh tear shed from my eyes falling down my cheek as I speak, "Yet you would never have forgiven me if I had never informed you. I think the entire school shall be told later today… an official announcement."

Yami says nothing, and just stares at his light. He slowly brings his arms around the lithe, diminutive form, in an attempt to comfort the distressed boy. I cannot see Yugi's face for a moment, before he tilts his head. I can just see his amethyst eyes, overly bright from crying. Emotion is rampant, displayed in all ways possible.

"How… did he die?" Yugi asks brokenly, closing his eyes tightly in a feeble attempt to stop another tear from falling. Of course, this did not work. A crystalline tear slowly creeps down his cheek, and I release a small sob again myself.

I pause for a moment, then decide to tell him a minor section of the truth. Or, at least, what I told Nihongo.

"I… was heading to the grocery store… then I turned the corner… and I saw… his body… lying there, already dead…" I finally manage, choking slightly on my own breath.

Yugi groans and buries his head in Yami's chest, unable to face the world. Although I cannot hear quite what he is saying, I know Yami well enough to realise that Yugi should be hearing comforting words, through both speech and through their link. The Pharaoh, for one moment, eyes me with pity, before the icy, cruel look develops once more on his face.

"If you do not stop looking at us, I will kill you!" He screams. For a moment, I believe that he is yelling at me, until he whirls around and shoves a thirteen-year-old female, who I know to be Yume, directly into a nearby crowd of people. Seeing the weakness of the group, Yami barges through the slight gap in which he made, carrying Yugi bridal-style away from the mess. He gestures for me to follow, and I do so, gladly.

"I appreciate you informing us both of this, Ryou," He says quietly, when we are all safely away from the Old Hall, and directing ourselves towards the school exit. "I don't think Yugi could bear it if he stayed in school, or if he had to hear what had been said once more. In a strange way, I have to hate you and thank you for telling us."

I nod, feeling my eyes blur slightly before another tear falls from my hazel eyes. "I understand. It's bittersweet, but, if I hadn't of told you, and you'd been told by the school, you would have killed me. I can guess that you could figure out why I was searching for Shizuka… I am sorry also that I had to bring that up." I apologise, sighing. Everything is just so wrong with me.

I cannot even form a friend without him dying. And, the strange thing is that I am not even sure if he was my friend or not in this weird, backward place! And, as I am still clueless as to where I am, it just adds to the confusion in which now has become a part of my life!

Huh… I've been here less than a day and I dare to call it a life. Fuck… but so many things have happened! I've seen my father, Bandit Keith, Jou, a beggar being killed by Jou, Isis, Malik and Marik, Yugi, Yami, Honda, my old school, Jou being killed… bloody hell, who will I see next? Bakura?!

_ That is highly doubtful. _Ra teases, appearing once more in my mind.Oh, isn't it convenient how every time I am on the borderline of what's fucked up and everything's all right that these two appear… holding hands.

NANI?! HOLDING… HANDS?!? OSIRIS AND RA… HOLDING… HANDS??! HOLY FUCKING SHIT!! Not in even my wildest of dreams could I foresee this twist! Then again, nor would I wish to.

Um… how did they say to contact them again? Oh yeah, concentrate… on… oh, fuck it, both of them!

_ Is there something I need to know here? _I ask, amused, as their brains finally click. They separate, yet it is too late. I already know.

_ Osiris… I thought that you had a wife… naughty God. _

Osiris' orbs seem to widen slightly, and his head lowers. _Not really. _He said with a sigh, raising his head to meet my own eye level. _ She fucked Hathor, the Goddess of love, happiness and music a long time ago. We are separated. _

_ What amazes me, _I continue, smirking ever so slightly in my actual body, Yami still having no response towards my apology, _ Is that Gods can actually swear. I figured you were too holy and divine to do that kind of thing. _

_ You could say the same about adultery, _Ra added, breaking into the silence, _Yet I feel that I should get back to our main objective. Leave Yami and Yugi in about five minutes. Say that you must mourn yourself, or suchlike. Then… hurry back to your home. We shall be waiting there. _He concludes, before both holy peoples fade out of my mind's eye.

I am left with a large smirk.

_Bakura_

I can now move without feeling so haunted and… possessed. After being sick, due to my bulimic state that is still so tempting, my stomach has developed cramps and I continue to get sudden bursts of trembling and illness. It is vile, being this way. Yet I must be so… especially for my chibi ichi, Ryou.

Not even a smile. Often at his name bearing a mention, my mood lightens, if just slightly. Yet it seems that my stomach has swallowed that one feeling of happiness in addition to any desire for refreshments. A sharp stab strikes me at irregular intervals, at my left side. Occasionally I ensure that I am bearing no dark mar on my tanned body, yet… this pain is so unendurable! I truly pity myself, something that I often have no intention of doing, or expressing freely. My skin feels as if it is being poked with the hottest rod of iron ever attainable from the Gods of Egypt.

A curtain of impenetrable metal now shields a half of my mind. What ever I should be concerned about, or what I should be feeling, has been blocked out. A borderline has been set between a section of my mind where the beautiful thoughts are fleeting and few. The angst and depression is finally killing me.

I close my eyes for a few moments. All that is noticeable in my world is pain. The loss of my hikari, and the one whose lips I managed to feel only once, and the kiss itself, is shattering my heart. Our one caress of lips against the other's is directing my mind down the pathway of insanity.

I open my eyes. Yet the scene before them is not of my Living Room, or of the Pharaoh. And neither is it of his light… but my own.

Ryou walks currently with a slight limp. His hair falls idly around his face, and weariness and grief shadow those beautiful eyes of his. Yet his two companions, Yami and Yugi, do not notice this. Hey, what the--? The Pharaoh is so fucking observant, and I know that for a fact! Why the hell wouldn't he note such a –

Ryou. Is. Injured. RYOU… IS INJURED! YOU BASTARD GOD!! YOU'VE FUCKING ALLOWED MY HIKARI TO BECOME A VICTIM TO PAIN!?! IT'S PAYBACK TIME WHEN I SEE YOU, BITCH!

_Ryou_

"Oh and, Ryou…" Yami says, before pausing and turning to face me. His crimson eyes bore into my own, as if searching for what cannot be hidden. He sighs and strokes a bang from Yugi's eyes in distraction, holding him close to his body.

"Tsuruoka wants a rewritten poem from you by tomorrow."

And, with that form of farewell, I find myself alone. Glancing back down the street, I see police milling around the enclosed area of where Jou vaguely lay. Several are near the gates, taking notes and observing each other's for likely errors. One female stands nearby, tears silently caressing down along her pale cheeks as she responds to each question in which the police ask her. I see Nihongo with those people. It seems that he is offering her a moment of rest, which she declines. She is quite pale… and I fear that shortly she shall faint.

I have no longer the strength to watch. Turning, I begin to walk away from the fateful scene, tears gathering involuntarily as my mind mockingly replays every swerve of Jou's blade against Shadow's… and then the penetration of flesh when he is stabbed.

Shadow… I still know not of whom he is. Granted, he could be female. Yet it is simpler this way, I deem.

"Jou…" I mutter, pressing into my side slightly, the short stabbing pains affecting me greatly now. I complain about these arcs of suffering much, yet it is very different when the flesh is your own. The whole concept of agonising aches can alter from as swiftly as you can blink.

I begin a light jog, wincing with every movement that my legs make. I abandon this idea, and start again at a steady pace.

_Where the hell are you…? _Osiris asks unsurely, whispering into my mind once more. I turn another corner, past the same crowd of smokers that I fled by earlier. One's eyes follow me until the street curves and they disappear from my sight.

All right… I am not far away. Naturally I respond to Osiris' wishes and tell him how close I am; yet he sighs impatiently.

_Take your time then. We're not waiting for anything of importance. No, don't run on our account, young one! Spare yourself! _

_ Even if I could run, _I hiss back, highly aggravated at his lack of respect for my apparently very mortal and weak characteristics. _I wouldn't. My stomach hurts so much… and I can't help but walk this slow. So, if you want me to die whilst getting to you, only to perish at your feet… then I will run. But just bear in mind that you'll need another hikari to poison and bribe so that someone can take my place in being an errand boy. _

I feel his astonishment wash over me, and I am satisfied. His image enters my mind and, this time, I am glad that he is alone.

_Well, well, well. It seems that Bakura has given you some backbone. _

_ Iie. Just the experiences that you've put me through so far. _I answer harshly, avoiding the alleyway in which I feel lurks a rather nasty presence. Another two blocks and I'm at my shitty house.

Osiris' image quirks an eyebrow, but allows the sentence to pass. I see a flickering colour in his eyes, and I realise too late that it is of his original colour. Now his orbs remain the same swirling mists of darkness, devoid of emotion.

_ We will be waiting… _He whispers, before exiting my mind. Blinking to end the concentration link, I become more attentive to what I am heading towards.

Fuck. I got it wrong… less than three metres away is my new house.

_Bakura_

"-Kura?"

"NANI?!" I say aloud, blinking furiously. Yugi is staring into my eyes, much like his darkness does. Speaking of the arrogant fucker… where is…?

_Okay, so I got things wrong. They'd better get used to a few wrong things, especially if it's me doing these assignments._

What sort of assignments? What are you doing to my hikari, you bastard?! Have you forced him into prostitution, or worse? Ra, I fucking swear, God or not, if you've caused my Ryou pain, then I'm gonna—

I hear a sigh enter my mind, and I hesitate. Another opportunity to hear Ryou's melodious, gently lilting voice… cannot be pushed aside so easily.

_I wish Bakura was here…_

At that I pause, and a small smile reaches my often humourless lips. He still thinks about… me. Bakura, King of Thieves. The one who loves him so…

_I wish I could have another kiss…_

My heart melts. He liked my kiss. Well, when I get him back, he'd better get used to a few more of them, with extra tongue. And, if he so desires… lovemaking.

With these and further hentai ideas running through my mind, I deepen my interest in _'God's Ancient Tragic and Noble Past.' _I have forgotten about little Yugi… for now.

_Ryou_

He would never have killed him. Why… he wouldn't dare. Not him… he would never want to hurt Jou.

Then again, this is referring to my experiences in where I used to call my home. This particular assignment… will be the most difficult so far. Of course, accepting it was not an option. I had to take it, and by doing so fell into a pit of panic and even more fear for the other, unharmed half of my body.

Not only that, but my heart, also will be shattered again. With this particular duty… I will have little time for anything.

_Flashback_

_ Your assignment, Ra says, his deep voice echoing most annoyingly off the walls of my room, Is connected to Jou's death – or, Defenceless, as you cared enough to name him. _

_ To put it precisely, Osiris continues, heeding Ra's lustful stares, You must find Seto Kaiba, and ask him several questions. More importantly… find out if he killed Jou. _

"_Shouldn't you already know who murdered him?" I ask expressionlessly. "You're the Gods." _

_ It is true that we are supposed to control everything, Osiris sighs, leaning on a nearby wall, fingering the faded blanket that I tossed to one side earlier, Yet this… was not planned. _

_I shoot them a deathly look. "So you expect me to find out something that not even you know about, and even want me to do this without getting myself killed when someone clicks in that I am onto them?" _

_Ra nods. Precisely. _

_End Flashback _

I am now standing within Kaiba's office buildings, just opposite Kaiba Land. Or, what's left of it. Several wisps of cigarette smoke signal to me that I am being watched, very intensely. The flames from another's lighter illuminate both their eyes, revealing a woman's face. Or, a teenager's. I cannot tell… she wears a lot of make-up. Something that I cannot stand. With a shudder, I press past the irritated security guards and enter the elevator.

As I am reaching the top floor, where I was once told his main office resides, I reflect momentarily. Slipping into an almost dreamlike state, my eyes drifting to a close, I remember what I did to find myself in this situation.

_Bakura_

My stomach cramps have subsided, in replacement of a throbbing headache. I pause from reading to shake my head.

Urgh… big mistake. I close my eyes, resting my head against my hand… and see something that I have dreaded knowing for one day.

_Flashback_

_I drag the cold object of my ultimate demise, and wishes, along my warm, previously unmarred expanse of my wrist, feeling its jagged teeth biting into my sensitive flesh. Always has my skin been easy to break… so, when put under a knife… it should have no problems in being sliced open. _

_A light sting is caused by my first complete slit: nothing more. I am dissatisfied… at the level of pain in which I am experiencing. To die, I wish to experience pain. I crave it, and I'll fucking get it! Oh, wait… a droplet of blood has risen to the height of the blade against my skin, and now runs along its silky length. It seems that I have more strength than what I have previously given myself credit for. _

_My mouth opens and, before I can control myself, I emit a haunting, piercing laugh, delighted that I have finally seen what will come out of my body… and will no longer keep my alive in my pitiful existence. _

_I raise the blade, removing it from within my bleeding wound to examine the blood amount. With a smirk, my tongue flicks out and gently licks at the blood there. The steel is warm now, this causing less of a biting sting when I replace it. Urgh… blood. So bitter and… salty. Fortunately… I shall not have to endure seeing this putrid liquid again. I despise it… the lone thing that is sustaining me, and I lick it?! Fuck, I am ridiculous. _

_My body trembles for a moment. I place the knife back into my blood, and resume slitting my wrist. I press down with each fresh slice with all of my broken dreams pouring into the blade as it moves through my aching gash. Like Yugi's Grandpa always says… you must put a part of yourself into something you love to achieve it. _

_FUCK! I've struck a nerve… and it hurts… so much. I pause for a moment, allowing the throbbing ache to spread to other parts of my body, like my heart. I continue. I feel my veins snap with the fresh bite of my knife, and am finally feeling content. The heavy weights in my stomach are seemingly unwinding themselves from their coils, and taking flight._

_With my shirt completely disposed of, I begin to form another deep, throbbing gash, across my chest. The beginning stings do not faze me, this merely encouraging me to press down harder. I lean back and, with a victorious groan, feel the blood trickle down my chest, below even the waistband of my trousers…_

_Bakura_

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!" I scream, knocking over my chair as I race upstairs, to the confines of the bathroom. I lock the door, and collapse. I shake from what I have just seen… blood… so much angst…

I put my head in my hands, my knees rising up to my chest. Without warning, I begin to keen, sobbing as loudly as I want to.

_Ryou_

I reopen my eyes. The elevator doors have just slid open. I step out and approach the beady-eyed receptionist.

"I… am here to discuss something very important and strictly confidential with Kaiba-sama. I am strictly forbidden to inform anyone of what we shall be doing."

She gestures to the door, before turning back to her magazine. Wow… a female in the Kaiba Corp building. I push open the door in front of me… and find myself staring into the ice-cold, sulking eyes of Seto Kaiba. I see hardly any differences than the Seto I used to know; yet a dark, crimson red streak shoots through the hazelnut colour of his hair.

"What do you want, runt?" He snarls, slamming the door shut behind me. I stare into his eyes, absorbing the rage within. He always used to call me by my last name… therefore; he does not know me. Should I be gladdened by this news, or saddened?

I clear my throat. "I am here to tell you… about Katsuya Jonouchi's life… he's…"

Seto's eyes widen: it seems this means something to him. Could this mean that it… was… he who killed Jou? Or… am I hallucinating?

"What's happened to him?" He says, attempting to be calm, yet failing when I hear the tremble in his voice, fails when I note the slight tension in his shoulders, fails when I see his hands clench into fists at his sides.

I swallow. I lean against the nearby wall for support.

"Jou has been murdered."

Seto's whole body trembles in shock. Hs eyes brighten slightly, and his face turns away from me, to look out of the window. I see his reflection, and also his tears. They fall down his pale cheeks swiftly, many following after the first. He bangs his fists abruptly against the glass, and it shakes slightly. I slowly approach him, and dare to lay a hand on his shoulder, reaching up.

I feel him shaking beneath my hands. His head rests against the presumably cool material, his mouth occasionally emitting a quiet sob.

"You… y-you know the worse part…?" I say nothing, but close my own eyes. I see his broken body beneath my lids, and hear once more his last few words to me. I shake my head in a no, which he notices. He pushes himself away from the glass, and turns to face my head on.

"The worse… thing is… that we were in l-love…" He chokes, running a hand through his usually well kept hair. The habit reminds me so much of Bakura, and I pause for a moment. Seto loved Jou, and probably still does – love does not simply stop when a beloved dies.

I breathe deeply. "I know… Seto… my name is Ryou… and I can help you through this time… just trust me…" I whisper brokenly, stammering on several words.

Seto does not reply. He stares one more time out of the window, before sighing heavily. More tears begin to form in his eyes.

"You said murder… who…?"

I shrug, an unenthusiastic response. "I don't know. I… am determined to find out who, however… and…"

I cannot finish. I stare into his eyes and see a mirror of Bakura: depressed and all alone, having just lost the one he loves. He and Bakura… are so alike in this world.

_Bakura…_

I sigh. I reflect again on how I got this way… and feel like hurling myself out of the window, shattering it so that I can fall and die when my body strike the concrete below.

Yet, with a twinge of sorrow, I realise that this is… unattainable. I am already dead, and a slave to Ra and Osiris' wills. Whilst they love each other, they delight in seeing me weep over my own loss of Bakura… the loss that I caused. They mock me because I cannot have him back, until I solve the mystery of where I am… and how to exit it.

Yes… that is what I must do. I must… develop my skills whilst here, and from that, discover what dark secrets lurk in every dingy alleyway… and why people are being killed.

It is said that one cannot help who they fall in love with: and I should know. Yugi and Yami had at first… been hated. Gradually they were accepted into society, whereas Seto and Jou were received normally, possibly because of Seto's point in authority. I wonder… if someone else thinks here that homosexuality is fucking appalling… if that was what motivated them to kill Katsuya Jonouchi.

But whatever the reasons, I am going to find them. Starting at Kaiba Corp.

Yami's koi: well. Eleven pages, how's that for ya? I know, not very angsty, even with the emotional flashback of Ryou when he was slitting his wrists. Still… I think I like it. I think… but I dunno what I can have Bakura doing! Mean, reading and reading for every chapter and having him bitch about how depressed he is will not get anymore reviewers, right?

Neutral Man: that's cause you're gay.

Seto: YOU KILLED JOU!! DIE, BASTARD!! Chases him

Yami's koi: um… would now be a good time to ask very nicely for fan art? Would any of you please send me a link on a review with some art to go with this story, or any other? If you do, I'll mail you personally and thank you. I know it's not much… On a different note now. I'd like to thank all of you people reading this, and I'm gonna wish you all a very merry Christmas and brilliant 2005!

Ryou: you get a plushie of me for reviewing, and a plushie of who ever you want for Christmas!

Yami's koi: Yay! Well… Luvvies! SEE YA!


	13. Bakura undertakes his wishes

Yami's koi: hi. First off, a BIG huggle to those who have reviewed. Please note that I'm very happy due to my victory over a mean baka at school.

Neutral Man: you probably deserved it.

Yami's koi: Shut up… grins Neutral Dude.

Neutral Man: MAN! NEUTRAL MAN!

Yami's koi: smirks from Bakura I believe you. Onto the ficcy!

Seto still trembles with the enormity of what he has just heard. Silent tears fall down his face. The dagger that was my words are still etching a gradual hole in his heart, and this is evident by the waves of aching grief that I can almost feel radiating from him. His slender, tall body – once proud and impatient - owns the posture of a defeated man, broken and lacking hope inside.

I can do nothing to spare him of the emotions that he is experiencing right now. Seto feels this depression so heavily, and, mingled with shock, I doubt that even words can describe the utter dejection and agonising reality of what he is experiencing.

With an odd pang of realisation in my heart, I suddenly understand how Bakura must be feeling at this very moment…

_Bakura_

Slowly I emerge from the bathroom, wiping the tears from my eyes. Of late when I weep, I wish sincerely that those tears could represent just a small fraction of the devastation I am feeling inside. Yugi and Yami now both stand at the door, staring at my slightly flushed, weary face. The younger of the two had obviously been crying, and even I can detect that the Pharaoh is displeased about it. I sigh.

"You two might as well… go home. I don't think that we… can do anymore for today. Our eyes need to rest."

The Pharaoh says nothing, and makes no effort to move out of this darkened, cursed house. His eyes avert to my hands. I hold a knife, retrieved from its unjust slitting... hated for the crime that it has committed. Yami stares at me, silently questioning the presence of a blooded, icy cold blade. I shrug in response to the question that was never asked out loud.

"Go. I have things to arrange with several people."

Yami nods, and gently steers Yugi down the stairs. I see the amethyst eyes glance back for a moment, before his body leaving my property for the night. I exhale deeply, and drop Ryou's knife. The one in which was used to slit his wrists, and chest. I shudder as I recall what I saw before I closed my eyes and kissed those lips of his, already falling cold when we touched.

I gradually draw out a smooth, neatly folded piece of paper from my pocket. Iie, it is not the timeline of terrifying events. Iie, it is not the grocery bill.

It is Ryou's suicide note. He wrote one especially for me, and another on separate paper for all of his friends, with fresh paragraphs for each different person.

I sigh, and feel more moist tears fall down my blushing cheeks. They always go in such a way when I weep, which, of late, has become a regular event, though who can blame me?

Anyway. Enough with bitching about how sinister and corrupted my life is. Slowly my eyes rest on the words that almost broke my heart.

'_Bakura,_

_I am so sorry. I cannot apologise enough for what I have done, but it is irreversible: I am no longer alive, and my only solace of death is with me now. My wrists have bled themselves out, the amount of my blood free from my ungrateful vessel. Those darkened lands of torment and raging battles shall, from this moment forward, be the cemetery that I now claim as my home... the heaven in which I have escaped to. _

_I must reveal my reasons for doing this. I… have been pushed away too many times. The happy couple routine of everyone around me has become too much for me to handle. They did not mean to push me away. But they did. Sure, it's selfish of me to envy their happiness… yet it might make more sense if I explain that I am also in emotional heartache… over you. I hate seeing others together… because it reminds me that I am not with you. _

_I fell in love with you months ago, yet every day, it feels like a new realisation. Once you opened your arms and showed me what care and hope could be like, I loved you, and I still do, even though I am dead. Love does never stop when a person departs from this world… iie… it carries on. _

_I never care that you are male. You are a person, and so beautiful, inside and out. I feel that… I was really the only one that you could ever talk to, and reveal how you truly felt. I doubt that you love me, yet I must hold onto that false hope when in suffering and in question._

_When I first met you… it was so different than what I was used to. You hit me. I forgave you, and showed you also what experiencing love, forgiveness and trust was like… even though I had never felt it in return. Of course, that was soon to change. _

_You were unsure at first, because you had never trusted before. You had never held that burden, until I ruined it for you. Soon I proved to you just how loyal I could be. That was why I never told any of the happy couples how I felt about them being so… touchy around everyone. It must be great to show the world about your fresh love, but how am I to know? _

_Bakura… it is you whom I love. I am so sorry that it is you who must take my body away. I am sorry that you must endure the funeral. I am sorry that, for a while, you shall be without love and comfort. I am also sorry that you had such a weak, pathetic, whining arsehole for an hikari. _

_Never forget me, Bakura. Use me as an example when you have a lover, someone worth your heart. Finally, I would like to thank you for all that you have shown me, and given to me. It was you who taught me to see the faults in people. It was you who made me laugh. And it was also you who I fell in love with. Thank you… for giving me the opportunity to love you. _

_I will love you forever,_

_Ryou x.' _

I find that I cannot take my eyes away from the paper. Instead, my arms rises and hurl it at the nearby wall, where it bounces off, and lands on the carpet, near to Ryou's old room. Shakily, and in an almost dreamlike state, I brush past the note and enter.

The supposedly gentle rain from earlier has now become quite miserable, though I cannot see much of it, as Ryou had not pulled back the curtains. I slowly draw them, revealing the thick, darkened clouds release the droplets that they carry in vast amounts, attacking everything into becoming wet and cold. I sigh and smile slightly at a memory that I deemed had been forgotten, or imaginary…

_Flashback – Normal POV_

_Ryou sighed and stared out of the window. It was raining, and yet, somehow, he could manage a smile. Bakura stepped silently behind him, and blew gently on the back of his neck. Ryou made hardly any reaction._

"_Boo." Bakura said quietly, gazing out of the window with his hikari. What could he find so amusing and merry about several droplets of rain, splattering down onto earth? Could it be that Ryou's mind had finally snapped and forced him to love him? _

_What are you looking at? Bakura asked softly, in Ryou's mind. His hikari tilted his head ever so slightly to look into his yami's often cold eyes. Well, cold in other people's own eyes. To Ryou, and seemingly only him, would those eyes show welcome, and affection. It was ever so relieving to see such a sight; after all of the neglect he had been receiving from his friends. _

_Just the rain, Kura… Ryou replied just as gently, and, after a small pause, he began to speak again. When I was younger, I used to believe that rain came from the stars. Heavy rain meant that someone was really upset, whereas snow meant innocence… something beautiful had happened, ya know?_

_Bakura was silent. Feeling edgy, Ryou spoke, Kinda pathetic, I know, but hey! I was only about five. _

_Bakura smiled himself. Ryou could be just too cute sometimes. Okay. I believe you. _

_Absently the Tomb Robber began running a pale hand through even paler hair. Ryou made no movement to suggest he did not want the attention, so Bakura continued to stroke the soft locks. _

_Ryou…? If we ever become separated, then I will find you. I'll give everything, even my own life, to ensure your own safety._

_His light smiled and looked at Bakura directly, standing up straight again. "Thank you, Bakura. I just hope that it never comes to that."_

_End Flashback_

Well… Ryou, I am so sorry. But it has. I glare down at the spot where Ryou once lay. If his body had not disappeared, then the Pharaoh and myself would have been able to bring life back into his body… and then my heart would not be broken. Then none of this would have happened. Things would not have come to my hopeless reading.

I stare around the room, flashes of Ryou's and my own past experiences in here entering my mind. I linger for several minutes on photographs that he had taken, and immediately feel like racing onto the landing, and impaling myself on the knife that I have dropped.

So many of them are of… me. Yet, as I look closer, I note that his bedside table has a draw half-opened. I draw it out fully, and find pictures – but I ask myself, why would they be hidden?

With a shaky pause, I begin to stare at them. Several are of… of me and Ryou, usually hugging, or simply talking. Then, my heart stops. I was never aware of him taking this… this is…

"I will love you forever," I say automatically, almost happily, and I freeze. My mind sees clearly the last few words that my fallen angel, Ryou, wrote to me. I back away from the cabinet, dropping the photograph as I turn, and begin to run from the house. I wrench open the front door after storming down the stairs, and race out into the street, and stopping, in the middle of the road.

"RYOU! WHERE ARE YOU? RYYYYOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUU!" I scream, paying no heed to the rain that pounds onto my body. My hands run themselves through my hair, and I sink to my knees, all effort for a desperate shout over.

"Ryou…" I whisper brokenly, shaking my head, in a hopeless attempt to free myself from those deadly thoughts. My fists slam themselves down onto the sodden road, and I shake wildly. "No… why can't I be with you? Why? I love you… and you me. Why shouldn't we be together!"

And then I realise something. I am so… blind to what is the easy way out. Why was I bitching about reading and doing nothing about it, when Ryou unwittingly gave me the answer to being together?

In almost another dreamlike condition, I rise to my feet. Slowly I make my way back into the house, and lock the door just as gradually. I have an idea.

Slowly I make my way back upstairs… to where I left Ryou's knife.

_Ryou_

Silence. Occasionally he turns to observe me, or open his mouth, almost as if he is about to say something, before turning away abruptly. I cannot question him yet… for he has lost his lover… probably the only one he ever could love… apart from Mokuba, of course, yet that is not quite the same…

'But how would you know?' A smug, 'bringing-you-down' type of voice sneered, 'You've never felt love. No, and when you finally realised that you were, you were dead. And that's a good way to repay BAKURA, isn't it? To go and die on him for no reason…?'

I clench my jaw, willing myself to not release the tears from my eyes. Seto again turns around, but actually speaks.

"How do you know all of this…?" His voice is quiet, and scratchy from his tears. It also bears the soft, shaky quality that naught can explain.

I groan slightly in my throat, suppressing it just enough so that the teenage CEO will not hear me.

"I… was the… one who found him." I eventually declare, my voice suddenly becoming hollow and my eyes blurring even more as I turn away from those perusing eyes – so cold and sharp – and heartbroken features. In the window I see his reflection lower its head, see his eyes fall to a gentle close before more silent tears make their way down his face.

I find myself feeling, once again, completely helpless. All I can do is watch as fresh tears fall gently down the pale cheeks of the heavily burdened teenager, and watch as this aching torment commences.

_ Even though it's not in the job description, it may be wise to comfort the poor bloke. _Osiris suddenly says, appearing in the eye of my mind. My teeth clench slightly, as he continues, _ If you ever want to search Kaiba Corp, the best thing to do would be to explore also his mansion first. Wiser still, do it at night… when he's either asleep, or too lost in his own thoughts to hear you moving around. Either that or you actually embrace the full potential of you Millennium Item. _

I ensure that I am not being watched before contacted the smug-looking God in my mind. _Yes, but, its difficult, you see, when Seto is often an arrogant bastard who hates everything that he sees and attempts to defeat you in several duels before - _

_ And he looks as if he will duel you now, does he? _Osiris finished triumphantly, with a grim smile on his lips. I roll my eyes, berating myself for falling into such a predictable hole. _Just thought that I'd pass on the message… after all, what we all need is a little comforting sometimes, eh, Master Ryou? _

With a short, very fake laugh, he vanishes. Why must it be I who puts up with this? Why should I, Ryou Bakura, endure this?

Because I must get back to my Bakura. I must find a way to convince the Gods that I should return to the Reality that I loved. Or, used to hate. Now, it seems to be a paradise, compared to what I am witnessing here.

"You… you f-found him?" Seto chokes, his body trembling with the incapability to accept that fact. He sways dangerously, before collapsing on the floor. He begins to sob, and I truly do pity him. Losing a loved one is harsh… but if this is nothing compared to what my Tomb Robber is enduring, then I most sincerely hope that I must never have to face this until I am entirely ready.

I sink down beside Seto, and hesitantly place my hand on his arm. When he makes no attempt to brush me off, like a mistake, never to be heard of again, I take it as a permit to comfort him.

"Seto… you cannot blame yourself… you weren't to know…" I begin sadly, regarding the pale, trembling features with mounting dislike. I fear that if he pales much further, then he shall faint.

"Who would… have done such a cruel thing to me…?" Seto says in between sobs, his eyes either closed or focused solely on the floor of his office, "Why would anyone… want… to kill my koibito?"

I smile grimly now: another reminder of my true objectives whilst here.

"That, it seems, is my job."

Seto stares up into my face, almost disbelievingly, before sighing.

"As much as I hate to admit it, I must let you… do your job. I can't explain how… how…" He struggles for words, so I begin to assist him.

"Suicidal you are feeling?"

Seto pauses. "I could kill myself, but that would never be what my lover wanted. No." A watery, faint smile reaches his lips, and his icy eyes brighten slightly as he remembers the better times. "Everyday he told me how he wanted us to be able to go out together, and have an actual relationship where no one gives a fuck if we're gay or not."

I smile slightly. "I can understand. I once had a friend who was homosexual, but I could never help him. At that time, you see, I was very misunderstood myself, and kept pushing everyone away. I… couldn't help my friends when they needed me, and I may regret it forever… yet the past cannot be rewritten."

_You hear that, Osiris? _

_Bakura_

I have finally decided… if I cannot have Ryou in life… then I shall seek him out in death. It is the only way in which I can be with him… and I am willing to do anything for my precious hikari. Nothing, not even the Gods themselves… can stop me now. Not now that I am so bent on finding Ryou.

With a shuddery breath I eye the blade that I now hold. I should, if my state of mind is right, fear it; it is the thing that my beloved tenshi ended his life with, and it should also be hated.

However… as it is the item that will bring Ryou and me together in love from its kiss… I must worship its icy cold steel, so uncomfortable against the heat of my skin: the blood that stains it, still as dark as rubies. This tool of death… may once again be put to use, before being placed away safely somewhere, to forewarn others. Others so careless and often so blind in what they actually have.

I can almost feel my eyes adopt an icy look and completely devoid of all things living. All I may focus my mind on are things that are cold and dead.

Very slowly, taking my time, I raise it to my left wrist. Its glacial touch causes me to shiver: but, all the same, I press in with my strength, before eventually dragging it along the pale expanse of my submissive, soft wrist. With the amount of pressure that I have control over, the blade drags slowly, though I am in no great hurry. For Ryou… I shall be with you, for all of time, in the Afterlife.

I stare down at the impression left in my wrist, and gasp aloud. I see barely a scratch, and am slightly scared. If I continue like this, then I shall never see my beloved again until I die of less painful circumstances.

I apply more strength to press the blade into the scratch, and begin to drag it across the width of my wrist. I feel it's jagged teeth scrape through my skin, and smile bitterly. It bites once more as I slowly lift the blade away, and I release a small, hollow laugh, my eyes reflecting naught but a bittersweet hope, shrouded in the uncertainty of why I had not done this before. This feels so good… and, with delight, I see just how well my strength has served me. A tiny glimmer of blood, sanguine to my tormented spirit, spreads along the small cut. Not enough, however, I think, and my lips form a frown.

Thick clouds above release the high-pitched cracking sounds as I replace the blade again, right along the stinging line. The tingling sensations are almost annoying me now, especially at the… well, lack of pain they are giving me.

I do not fear pain, and right now, all I can do is crave for its sweet distraction: for this, I believe, is the introduction to my addiction that Ryou has laid out for me.

I press in and pull the dagger, and gasp as I get what I truly desire: a dull ache, from the slit made across my wrist. Lifting my knife away, I see Ryou's blood, and mine, mingling together to give a twisted satisfaction of attainment. A small amount of blood spreads out, filling the line of where I have begun to make a gash.

Hold on for me now, love. I'm not so far away anymore.

To ease my heartache, I must continue. I cannot linger for much longer on this earth: not without my beloved Ryou. How I ever managed to sleep in the early hours of this morn is… inconceivable.

The blade falls back so easily now into the cut, and I quicken up my pace. There can be no going back from this stage. I add more of my unlimited strength onto the blade, where I seek my ultimate dream of love and light.

Odd, isn't it? How everyone else's darkness, and possibly their greatest fear, can be my divine heaven, crafted especially for the love that we could not express. I feel no more pain from the blade at the speed that I am going. With a howl of triumph, I lean my head back and fall to my knees, my skin feeling a thin sliver of blood trickle down from my wrist, and splatter the floor below.

The ache has now become a deep, hard throbbing, slowly making its way up along my arm: and the expanse of my wrist is now almost shuddering with the intensity of pain I am inflicting upon myself. My heart is beating so fast, and I can feel it thundering in my chest, quickening in anticipation.

Then, suffering. My eyes open suddenly, and my mouth is open also, in surprise. An explosion of aching agony erupts from the centre of my wound, my desire, and also I see lights. Sweet lights… yet too pure and uncorrupted for myself. Darkness is what I am, and darkness is what I shall claim.

Then, I freeze. I am unaware that I have stopped slitting my wrist, yet I can dimly feel blood still making its eventual way from my body, still hear it splashing slightly against the floor. My eyes have almost adjusted to the blinding lights before me… and I am leaving the room.

At this, my heart leaps. Is this death? Could death for a yami truly be so…?

"Good Afternoon, Bakura," A deep, calm voice greets me. I stare up, kneeling on my knees, with my mouth open. No, he can't be here. Not now! Not when I am about to… to see my… tenshi again…

He gestures to my knife at my silence, a carefree smile placed upon his pleasantly coloured lips.

"Now really, Bakura, are you sure that you would find Ryou, even if you do die? How could you have known that he was in the Afterlife, when he obviously isn't?"

"Ra…" I hear myself whisper, before an uncontrolled rage strikes me from within my heart. Before I am aware of what I am doing, I jump to my feet.

"YOU POISONED MY HIKARI, YOU FUCKING BASTARDS!" I scream. Ra doesn't even do so much as flinch, yet in my heart of hearts, I know and reluctantly accept that he could never fear me. After all, what can a lowly Tomb Robber do to him? And, best of all, one wrist is out of action, too weak and blood-deprived to move quickly enough, despite all of my training.

"Now, now, Bakura, is that really how you anticipate us to speak to you?" Osiris asks, materialising from a small cloud of purple and navy tones. I growl, but do not say anything further. I cannot possibly take on the supreme Lord, and his favourite colleague.

Well, I could, of course, but that would probably result in me never seeing my Ryou again. To do so would certainly mean the most ultimate of hells for me. And that is something that I cannot allow to happen.

Osiris glances down at my bleeding wrist and sighs.

"I'd better do a little bit of cleaning up for you, then," He says simply. Before I can realise the full extent of what he is doing, it has been completed. I stare down at my wrist, and see no blood, no knife held in my hand. All that is visible is a white scar that shoots across the width of my left wrist: a flaw that is almost impossible to miss.

"Why the _fuck _did you do that?" I hiss, in a deadly low tone. I feel a nagging thought in my head that, if Osiris had got eyebrows, they would be raised in question.

"Bakura… even if you had been successful in your suicide attempt – which, believe me, the reasons for this actions are so beautiful – what is the guarantee that you would have been able to find Ryou? Who is saying that his lies have blessed him with torment and aching pain?"

"That's what _he _said," I mutter, almost childishly. I scowl darkly, and feel my eyes returning to their normal shade of chestnut. How can they be so calm, when I am here, fearing that I will never see my light again? Don't they even understand the concept of love, or a yami/hikari bond? Can they not comprehend how much agony I have lived through for the past two days? Can't they just understand a small fraction of what I am going through?

"Calm it, Bakura." Ra says firmly, warningly. Slowly I turn to face him, and there are no words that can describe how wrathful, how fractious, how seething I am right now. How can he stand there, watching me feel all of this, and react almost as if he is at a casual fucking tea party!

"Understand this, Bakura," Osiris begins softly, a lot less insistent than his Master, "Understand that we can't let you die. You… are the vital reason why Ryou is surviving."

"So Ryou is alive?" I ask quickly, and Osiris blinks.

"Alive in some ways, yes. Or at least, he is in the belief that he is hovering on the edge between death and existing in the so-called 'real' world."

Should I take that as comfort? Vague talking from a God is often a two-sided issue, no matter what the circumstances… but if my Ryou is in danger, and they have something to do with it… then their fate shall be a severe, and dark one.

"And is that good news?" I ask eventually, after the information has sorted itself out into a sensible format in my mind. Ra opens his mouth, and I turn to face him.

"Ryou believes that he lives only because he can still feel emotions, and physical things, such as pain, and the rain on one's face."

My inner ears hear something that my mind doesn't like.

"Did you just say… pain? So he is feeling pain, and that's why he thinks that he is alive, without me?" I hiss, eyes narrowing dangerously. Without thinking, I draw from below my jeans a knife, gripping it tightly.

What I hate is how they cannot express emotions to humans, and only to each other. How do I know what face Ra is making when he turns to Osiris? Would I be worried if I could see it, or would I be completely satisfied by this?

"We never once said that he was without you, Bakura," Ra reasons, "But that's always been your problem, hasn't it?"

I blink at that. "And what do you mean by that?"

Osiris grins. "You just assume that Ryou's in the Afterlife. You just assume that he is in pain. You just assume that he is without friends, or assume that he is being tormented. Clear your mind for a moment, and then perhaps we shall confirm several of your suspicions as being totally wrong."

Relax? Clear your mind? I could just as easily detach my legs, you fucked up whore.

"I would rather have Ryou face another death than have to deal with your endless riddles and taunting," I snarl, my face set in what I hope to be a deathly look. So deathly, perhaps, that they will reveal to me what is occurring to my little Ryou right now?

It seems not.

"Calm it, Bakura! Only then can we tell you what has happened…" Ra reminds me, with a smug smile positioned on his lips. I cannot help but throw both him and Osiris nasty scowls before closing my eyes. All I can see is colour… and odd blur so well blended that my senses can barely take it. I force my eyes open… and stare even more.

Ra and Osiris… kissing. Sure, you say, it's only a small kiss on the cheek. Sure, it's only between the ones who must have a small idea of what I am going through! Can they not understand how difficult it is for me to sustain this level of calm – if you can call this current state of mine as both rational and normal – when I am parted from the one I love? I would rather have him near to me, alive, and not even responding to what I told him before he left me, than to have him dead and gone.

"Excuse me," I say, in a cold voice, "But can you at least compromise with _my _problems before you focus so selfishly on your lust?"

They both blush simultaneously, pulling back from what I can only hope to be their final kiss in front of me when I am without love.

Ra heaves a sigh, and leaves the arms of his almost inferior colleague, before sitting down on a stool that has seemingly materialised from nowhere.

"Take a seat, Bakura. We owe you an explanation. Just sit down, and we will tell you what bargain we have made with Ryou."

Ryou

"Even if the past can't be rewritten," Seto reasons with me, storming past as we both climb into his limo to go to Kaiba Mansion. "It can still be repeated. I can only hope that people like you are the ones who can prevent that kind of thing from happening." Seto shoots another glance at me, and he smiles for a moment… before bewilderment sets hold. He leans towards me slightly, staring at my face with deep interest and an emotion that I cannot read.

"Have I seen you somewhere before?"

I pretend to stare intensely back at him before responding.

"I am sure that my acquaintance with you would have been a vivid memory. No. I can't say that I have seen you… except for on several billboards."

Seto shrugs slightly and starts the car. I relax slightly and close my eyes, my mind lost in the catacombs of my memory. Although several obstacles of pain obstruct my way from seeing some of these memories, I can still treasure those that I remember.

I sigh as we stop, hopefully at a red light.

But, instead, I find myself jerked forwards slightly out of my seat. I hear an ear-splitting crack, and a surprised moan of agony from besides me. Before I can look, the airbag inflates and prevents me from moving, until I bash my way out of the car, running around the other side, and staring at Seto through the shattered window before me, stained with crimson streams of blood.

Seto Kaiba has been shot.

Yami's koi: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Is that suspense or what?

Neutral Man: yawns nope. Can't say that it is.

Yami's koi: glares anyway. I hope that everyone thinks this is good… I think I know of a certain someone who will kill me for doing that to Seto… glances around room nervously DON'T KILL ME! I THINK SETO FUCKING ROCKS!

Neutral Man: ha-ha! You're gonna die.

Yami's koi: I'm really scared now. I think all my reviews are gonna be bad… cause so many people like Seto! Trust me, Seto's cool! He kicks bloody ass!

Nefertiri: I'm Yami's koi's yami. You're all gonna get shot if you don't review her. If you review her, I might just spare you.

Yami's koi: er, right. Well, please review. And please send me some fan art. Makes voice go sad and lonely I'm a sad and lonely bitch…

Nefertiri: Review or die. She knows it ain't angsty, and it should be, what with Valentines on its way… plushie of Seto goes to reviewers in mourning. An extra black rose for the one who knows who she is…

Yami's koi: yeah, that's right. I'm sorry about the lack of angst and poor excuse for the slitting scene, but it being rewritten didn't want to happen, either. I'm gonna have a Shaman King fic out soon, if you wanna check it out… or not… please review…


	14. Bakura's last resort

Yami's koi: I'm back. Um… PLEASE DON'T KILL ME! Readers pause, brandishing weapons

Readers: WHAT THE HELL HAVE YOU DONE TO SETO!

Yami's koi: when I wrote shot, it doesn't mean to say he died… though that is an interesting thought, ne? Later!

I can hardly move. Ryou would never make a promise with these losers… he is so much better than that. I always ensured that he would make the correct decisions… but it seems that he has gone astray. My precious Ryou has lost his path, and therefore is broken somewhere… without me.

"Please, Bakura, take a seat." Ra repeats, gesturing to a wooden stool. Although I am still displeased with the way things have panned out – like my again postponed reunion with Ryou – I feel that once the explanation has been said, I can then resume killing myself.

"Fine." I hiss, swiftly taking the seat.

Somehow I can predict just how odd… and disturbing this will sound for me.

Yet the person who must truly be pitied is Ryou. I scorn myself yet again for forgetting that it is Ryou who is experiencing whatever shit the Gods have given him to deal with. It is he who roams land so barren and full of darkness that he wishes that he were dead…

"Assuming again, Bakura?" Osiris whispers, calmly taking a place at his lover's left hand side. I growl for a moment, and take a steadying breath.

"What myself and Ryou agreed," Ra begins, carefully selecting every word from his vast vocabulary range, "Was that he would live again."

I snort in disbelief. "If he was alive, then he would undoubtedly be with me. Not with you, or some crazed monster that Anubis has condemned forevermore… but with me."

Osiris smiles delicately. "Oh, believe me, he dearly wishes that he could taste your lips once again. He only wants to be with you… and that is why he agreed to our little… assignment." His voice is steady and calm, like a physiatrists'. His darkened eyes flicker for a moment, yet I can hardly have enough will left within me to translate the emotion scattered throughout the dark orbs.

"And what… this assignment, as you so delicately put it… what does it entail?" I ask, my emotions lightened when Osiris assured me that Ryou wants solely to be with me. For I am the reason why he is enduring the Gods' pathetic trials. I should feel guilty at this, yet to hear also that he wants to taste my lips again… I sigh in bliss.

"Are you fully prepared to hear this, Bakura?" Ra enquires, a suggestive look on his face.

At this I almost scowl: why would I reject to know the information that has eluded me for two days now? I am hardly a patient man, as they are quiet aware of, so surely they should give me at least some credit? Can they not even begin to comprehend the loss of a love to a man!

No. They are almighty Gods, much too high and mighty for anything wrongful and corrupted to pierce through their existences.

As for us mortals… we have to live through famine. We have to endure hardships and agonising sufferings of emotion. We have to experience what it is like to break our fragile bones. We have to feel what it is like to have our hearts breaking when someone close dies. We have to bear raw fear, we have to survive loneliness, we must be betrayed, we must be crushed, we must be depressed, and we must be criticised in every way for the things that we do.

Need I say more…?

_Ryou_

I do not know how I have survived the journey from just a few blocks from Kaiba Corporation to this hospital. All I know is that I cannot allow Seto to die. I may not have money to pay for major, urgent surgery. Yet Seto does.

I sit in a warm room, with three other families. A small girl – no older than six, at an educated guess - with golden brown hair in pigtails is crying by herself in the corner, whilst a nurse offers comfort through words to a distressed, sobbing mother.

My eyes narrow. Everybody needs solace. I shall not allow this girl to be deprived of such light. For I know myself of what happens when you are stripped of something, and this outcome… is something that I cannot wish upon any one of my enemies.

I stride over to the small girl, wondering what it is that I should say to her. I eventually kneel down beside her, and her shimmering orbs of emerald stare up at me. I smile the most sympathetic of smiles that I can muster, and I sense her form becoming more relaxed already.

"Hey there. I'm Ryou… what's your name?"

She sniffles, and a fresh tear glides down her slightly flushed cheeks.

"My n-name… Tsumi."

I smile softly this time: a reassuring, calm sign of concern. "Why are you here, all alone, Tsumi? Isn't that your parents over there?" I ask, gesturing to the small group nearby. She nods her head: a motion that causes her hair to be sent flying everywhere. I frown as I see a large gash in her temple: it is so open… and so fresh-looking. How can someone be so heartless as to not only forget about the existence of their child, but to also leave such a gaping gash in her poor skull?

"They're m-my parents… b-but I don't understand… h-how can y-you see me?" She whispers, a small finger pointing to herself. Her eyes resemble Yugi's so much that it takes me just a moment to fully comprehend the extent of what she is implying.

Yet then I frown. The poor girl must suffer from some sort of mental illness.

"I don't understand why you are asking me that, Tsumi, but I can see you because you are here in this room, crying, with no one who will talk to you. I think that this is quite unfair, seeing as your parents are supporting everyone but you."

Tsumi stares into my eyes again, and another wave of fresh tears glitter down her face, and my eyes widen.

Her tears should have the texture of wetness. And when they fall from her cheeks, they should fall somewhere. I can see no evidence of tears on neither her skirt nor the floor.

What she next says affirms my conclusions.

"I… I am dead…"

_Bakura_

"I'm ready, okay? Just let me get Ryou back afterwards, and I'll never threaten you again." I state calmly, as if nothing has ever happened – an act that many mortals use to cover up just how devastated they are.

Ra smiles, yet his orbs change colour slightly. I cannot translate a colour into an emotion, obviously, but I can only assume that a brownish, dark purple mixture resembles both sadness and weariness.

"Have you ever been so depressed that… you care not if you live or die?" Ra then begins softly, after several moments of a serene silence.

I form my lips into a dark smile. "If I had, then I would rather choose the option of death than to live on with no purpose."

Ra blinks for a moment, before continuing… something that he seems to relish when doing.

"Ryou felt exactly the same way… but, of course, everyone occasionally gets down. It just depends on how we get over the dark times, or succumb to the failures, that we develop. As for your hikari… allow me to be more formal. If Ryou had risen above whatever obstacles he had, then that male would have been a very strong hikari, but not nearly as strong as you, his darkness. However… he did something that even we could not predict."

"When Ryou first began to cut himself," Osiris now puts in, with a grave tone, "I could not foresee what he would then do with himself. Could he draw himself free from this spiral of depression, or would he become fatally ill to his -"

"Don't even suggest it, Osiris," I snarl, between gritted teeth. "You… have no idea of what it must have been like for Ryou to go through what you would never even touch upon. I can't… fucking explain how it feels to be depressed. But if you dare to insinuate that Ryou had a mental illness that caused him to slit his wrists… then you are sadly deluded.

"I can't give a fuck about what those bastards say in those labs – cause they have no idea of what it's like to feel low, or so degraded that you just wished that everybody would fuck off, so that you could be alone. I don't give a fuck that they believe that suicidal thoughts are ones connected to mental instability: the people enduring such things know exactly what it is that they are doing, and they have reasons, purposes, goals… all to be attained from a single slash against a wrist.

"But why would you care, or even understand? You Gods care nothing for us mortals, _NOTHING! _You will never comprehend what it's like to feel your soul mate die before your eyes. You'll never have to experience the completely empty, lonely feeling when you realise that you have no coequal. You'll never feel the agony that you get when you have our hikari ripped from your world, so HOW THE HELL CAN YOU POSSIBLY BEGIN TO REALTE TO WHAT RYOU AND I ARE FEELING?" I scream, releasing all of my frustration into the threats, informing.

Neither of them has moved. Both of their orbs are reacting in such a way that causes my head to spin, but I still hold my ground. The varied shades of sapphire in Ra's eyes seem to darken into one tone: a reaction with which I am equally as baffled with as well as pleased with.

"Have you ever felt betrayed, Bakura?"

"FUCK YOU!" I yell, clutching a dagger from my belt, brandishing it at my newly made foe. "OF COURSE I HAVE FELT BETRAYED, AND LONELY, AND USED, AND FUCKED UP – BUT HAVE YOU! HAVE _YOU _EVER FELT ANY OF THIS? Forgive me, but I really don't think that… you can fully comprehend what has happened to me… and you are supposed to have _control _over what happens in my life? Feh! You couldn't even decide if I have ever felt so low about everything… that I considered death.

"Sure, I may be cool headed when I am not like this… but be warned, bastards… anyone who _dares _to interfere with me and Ryou once more… will _never _live to see another day. That I swear." I conclude, slamming myself back onto my chair.

The stunned, overwhelming silence… continues.

_Ryou_

"Tsumi… you're… dead?" I ask, daring her to affirm my suspicions once again. Once hearing those words… I don't want to know anything more.

Or, at least, anything other than why I can see the deceased.

She nods quickly, her eyes narrowed in the form of impatience. "Of course I am! My Mommy and Daddy are over there, my family is going to be upset, and there's nothing I can do to help them! If I could turn back time… then I'd have NEVER got out of bed today. I would have stayed in, and… and…" Her face scrunches up slightly, and I recognise the look in her eyes.

I can barely take such a young individual being in so much pain. So what I do is take her into my arms, a small comforting gesture… yet what I find even odder is that I can touch the poor girl. Whilst I cannot… feel… her skin, or tears, I can sense what I can only assume to be her aura. It is quite mature, even for her tender age… and I attempt to soothe her, stroking the golden locks until her sobbing begins to subside.

"Tsumi, listen to me very carefully. When you see your parents again, they may not recognise you at first. But I want you to do something for me… can you promise me that, Tsumi?" I ask, my emotions quite visible from the way my eyes are looking at her. She nods, her eyes bright. She can, at least, draw somewhat of a smile from me.

"Never stop loving your family. Watch over them when Anubis comes for you, okay? Please… don't become a restless spirit, such as I… I can only hope that you never become as foolish as I once was." I say quietly, my voice suddenly throaty.

Her emerald eyes glisten with fresh tears for a moment, before I sense the cold, piercing stare of Anubis lock onto my back. I turn and, sure enough, the God of the Dead approaches silently, walking directly through Tsumi's parents with an odd sucking noise.

"I have come to take you to the Afterlife, Tsumi," Anubis says gently, in a strangely uncharacteristic manner of caring. The small, but determined girl nods defiantly and, stealing one last glance at me, she slowly climbs into Anubis' arms. The God smiles for a moment, his darkened eyes gleaming for a moment… before I am stirred back into the present events by a calm, soothing voice from the doorway.

"Ryou Bakura?"

I rise to a stand, brushing dust from my clothes, and tears from my eyes. I smile faintly, just enough to assure nearby people that I am with, at least, some hope. I am not fully deprived of innocence. I can still cry at events so pure and tender such as Tsumi's…

All that irks me is at such an age she had to die at. My estimate was that she was younger than six. What dreams that girl must have had… and what dreams she can never be able to fulfil in her next side of life. Still… life must go on in this world…

"Yes?"

_Bakura_

"I really do not understand how you can even dare to speak to us like that," Osiris mutters coldly, shooting me a piercing glance before continuing, "as we are not perfect ourselves. You think that we ourselves do not have flaws? Many, who are less considerate as you, would hate us for being homosexual. You understand what it is like to keep a secret as great as that. So surely you can then, Bakura, realise why I have become a sinister figure for many years. Three years is a long time to wait for someone. But can you even begin to comprehend my own pain, my pain at watching my love enduring so many curses, and harsh uttering, even by you?

"Can you honestly say which is easier… waiting for someone for over five thousand years, or waiting for someone for what could be less than a day, if only Ryou would figure out our masterpiece?"

Now it is time for me to be silent. His point proven, Osiris falls back to Ra's side, who has not moved a single inch. I sigh heavily.

"Then, if you are not perfect, you must be able to feel pain. Imagine having to live with yourself when your love is the one who is dead… when really it should be you experiencing tormenting agony. Now that…" I swallow hard, biting back tears, "… Is what I call imperfect."

Another brief silence follows. I can only guess that all three of us are silently wishing that we had been made to be perfect, so original and boring that we could scream and no one would hear us… because a scream would be the sound of happiness.

Tears would never represent sadness, but intense emotion of the tender kind. Insults would never be heard, because everyone would love each other.

Come to think of it, that kind of image makes me feel sick.

"Are you ready, Bakura? We can only tell you what you need to hear… if you are entirely sure that you want to know where Ryou is." Ra says softly, brushing strands of hair back from his eyes delicately.

I nod. "I want to know what I am putting my hikari through. At least this way… my mind may be put at ease. To a certain extent."

Osiris nods to his master, and ensures once again that no force can penetrate the walls of seemingly endless, swirling mists around us.

"Bakura… have you ever considered suicide?" Ra asks after a moment, obviously taken to clear his thoughts, and to make his body feel relaxed and calm.

The query takes me a moment to understand, and I blink when it forms a comprehensive, clear version in my mind. What the?

"No. Not… really." I admit. "In Egypt, sure, times were rough for me at times, and I did once think of suicide… but I never actually acted out my plans. I suppose that's the difference between my hikari and me."

"But would you call that difference a weakness on Ryou's part?" Osiris presses me softly, leering at me slightly. I am not intimidated, and I am not impressed, either.

Yet now I consider the question, and wonder. Would I really count giving in like that as a fault?

No. I say that, even if it was the wrong thing to do, taking your own life takes a lot of courage to do. It takes will, it takes strength, it takes great mental tests. Ryou underwent all of these… and all because he felt rejected, neglected… alone.

"No…" I answer slowly, unblinkingly staring into both Gods' orbs. Ra seems to turn slightly, jerking his head as if telling me to continue… yet I feel not in quite the mood to be taking hints.

"Ask me a question and I might carry it out, Ra, but don't just jerk your head at me. I'm not very"

"Calm down, Bakura. Okay, we won't gesture to you anymore. What he meant to ask you… was why you said no, instead of yes," Osiris reasons with me, hurriedly.

I pause for a moment.

"Well, because yes isn't the answer to the question that you asked. In my opinion, anyway." I answer, deliberately acting idiotic. Like I have said a million times before… I haven't the patience for this. I need to know where Ryou is… and what he is doing right now.

I stare unblinkingly into the Gods' eyes, daring them to tell me all. Both seem unfazed, yet Osiris' orbs at least have the decency to darken slightly. He inclines his head towards his lover, his liege, and whispers something to him. Ra seems to be _thinking, _which is barely possible, in my opinion.

For surely higher beings such as these have been spoon-fed the horrors of what we have endured? Perhaps Osiris and I are more alike than I wish to believe. Yet I know… that he had been through so much more than what Ra has.

As an example, take his wife. Even if the God of Rebirth and Death is now homosexual… he must have once been straight, to have loved and married Isis. And when she left him for Hathor… perhaps it affected him more than what he lets on.

Sure, he would have been devastated. Of course, this can only multiply the need for love… from anyone.

"Bakura." Ra suddenly says, snapping back into reality. My eyes bore into his sapphire orbs, the same look that I used to give Tomb Keepers in my previous life.

"Yes?"

Ra smiles slightly, and leans back on his chair. "What is it that you want from us, Bakura?"

Now _this_ takes me aback for a moment. What the hell! Surely it is obvious? They began by telling me that they would inform me of Ryou's whereabouts, then completely lose it and enquire as to what I wish to know?

This kind of shit… is one that I cannot stand. Yet somehow, the soothing, relaxed face of Ryou in my memories stays my anger. It is restrained now, restrained by someone who I love.

The… _only… _person who I love.

"What I want…" I begin, as if trying to give the question some thought, "Hmmm… well, how about you telling me where Ryou is, and how long it will take him to get back to me?"

_Ryou_

I exit the hospital building; my surroundings oddly dim, despite it being a quarter past four.

I have just been to see Seto Kaiba. Various tubes run into his veins, giving him both food and blood. For once, it is his impressive form that radiates weakness, frailness and a sense of complete loss. Although he could not speak very much, he extended his hand… and into my own; he placed the keys and security codes for access into his mansion.

Yet this is not the most bizarre of things that he has done today. As I was leaving, he said thus:

"Please… look after my brother… he is… well, you can understand how he is, right? I'm sure… you can take care of him for me… Ryou…"

Why can't his own brother take care of himself? Should I prepare myself for yet another shocking revelation in this universe of misery and corruption… or should I offer this place the benefit of the doubt?

Of course… I must answer with a no. There has been too much disorder, and I fear that secrets… secrets best kept in the dark, are about to be shone into the light.

Yami's koi: okay, that's not as long as it could have been, but this definitely needed to be updated, right?

Nefertiri: right… you can rest now… puts down Millennium Rod

Malik: hey…

Neutral Man: this is so GAY! I can't believe you expect reviews for this!

Yami's koi: well, Neutral Man, screw you! Who CARES what you think, when you always try to slag me down about every little thing that I do?

Neutral Man: whoa… Yami's koi…

Nefertiri: yeah, you heard the lady… BACK OFF!

Yami's koi: right, this is the deal. If you review me, you get plushies and a new chapter. If you mail me some fan art, you get a chapter dedication. Isn't that fair? Okay. The plushie for this chapter shall be… a scowling, evil looking, blood-covered Bakura.

Readers: BLOOD!

Yami's koi: yep. So… please R&R? Onegai? …


	15. Punished wishes

Yami's koi: I have managed to create this: thanks to a great friend, whose fic, 'I'd Kill For You,' has inspired me to no end.

Neutral Man: freak. Weirdo. Idiot. Moron.

Bakura: and am I finally gonna get some answers?

Yami's koi: perhaps. Now… onto the new chap, gies. Be prepared… to feel pity for someone who may not even be there.

My way to the Kaiba Mansion has been quite uneventful, and even peaceful in it's own manner. Since Ra has granted me this second chance at life, it has been the only amount of time I've had to myself.

Yet when one is alone, with nothing to distract them… then they reflect.

I think about the summer's that have passed, and all of those people who laughed alongside with me, cheering me on as I dared to do some crazy stunt, just to impress and entertain. I remember the cold, winter nights, just spent gazing into the fire, with Bakura groaning about how everyone was so happy about the upcoming present giving – receiving tradition. I am reminded of Bakura's proud, beaming face when I announce that I have passed every single one of my exams. I also remember… my last few months of life.

My head inadvertently shakes itself, trying to act as if the motion would remove such pain from my mind… but it has no effect. I remember staring at Yugi and Yami's backs as they walk away from me, holding hands without a care in the world. I stop walking and take a moment to rest, although I am not weary physically. However, these memories are arousing such emotion, that it is mentally taking its toll on me.

My mind then gives me another distressing recollection: me, being in a partially deserted park, waiting for either Jou or Yugi to show up. In this memory, I simply stare straight ahead, thinking of reasons why either of them could be late. Jou, of course, was never brilliant at punctuality, yet Yugi had little excuse. He was never late for class, and could never be seen doing anything to hurt someone.

And the startlingly obvious truth? Neither of them turned up, even after my two hour wait… because they had been with their lover. Yugi had been with Yami, whilst Jou had been with Seto. When they presented me with feeble covers, I simply sighed and prayed to them both that they tell me the truth. Yugi's shoulders had slouched slightly, and Jou scratched the back of his neck nervously.

Instantly my mind had clicked in. in an attempt to act like my usual self, I smiled. 'It doesn't matter, I didn't know that you had made other plans… besides, you rarely ever get any alone time with either of your lovers, right?' That had been the response I had given them, and they bought it, probably in their desperation.

Desperation not to hurt me.

In the end, everybody did hurt me, and I was so alone. I felt unwanted. Shunned. Superfluous.

NO! I can't show weakness in an area such as this. If I do not get to the Kaiba residence shortly, then I fear that Mokuba will shunt me, push me away… just like everyone has before.

I pick up a fast pace, even quicker than before, and frown slightly as I move.

How was it that I am suddenly able to see – and talk to – ghosts? Tsumi was obviously dead, and it was so evident from her gash, that she couldn't be lying. And, if that had not been her family in that room, then why would she not be with someone else? Surely a child that young would have friends to talk to, and toys to play with?

The answer I cannot finalise. Of course, she possibly could have been a joyous, carefree child… yet was I this way? Can I honestly say, without a shimmer of guilt or hesitance, that I was a happy child?

Times change, circumstances are different. So who am I to judge poor Tsumi's lifestyle, when I can hardly say that mine is perfect? If it was this way, then things would not be this way, and I would be with Bakura… but I know that things would be extraordinarily dull.

Finally, after turning a new corner, the Kaiba Mansion looms ahead of me. It is almost as I remember it, yet, as I get slowly closer to the building, I notice something different.

No lights are on within the building. No cheerful, merry glow illuminating from within the mansion. Yet I fear that this may not be all…

I approach the cold steel of the gates before me, trapped. How can I get in, when a password is required?

_ The password is 'Freelance Working.' _A cold, sudden whisper in my ear claims. I shudder at the wave of paranoia that washes over me, and I glance around me, ensuring that no one is nearby. I cannot allow the murderer of Jou, or the person who shot at Kaiba in an obvious attempt at a kill, judging by how close the bullet had been to Seto's heart, to enter the Mansion.

I mumble the password into the intercom, and the gates slowly creak open, and I warily pass through. They clang together, closed, behind me, and I wonder. I wonder at why I must take care of Mokuba's delicate self, as Seto had seemed to put it.

My heads shakes once more, clearing my mind of these curious thoughts – they would be slaked in a few moments, after all – and approach the main entrance to the Kaiba Mansion.

I gently push against the door and, after little or no resistance, I enter the building. And I am amazed.

Blood. On the floor, all over the walls, the floor… My eyes absorb the trail. It eventually leads me to the conclusion that the killer has gone down, along this corridor before me… and beyond.

"Nothing ventured, nothing gained… but no plan, no clue!" I whisper to myself, almost warningly. Yet how can I know that this blood is real? How do I know that he one who caused it was the murderer of Seto's lover, Katsuya Jonouchi?

At this precise moment in time, I may only presume. As a result, assuming that the killer is about to murder Mokuba, I will need to find where the child is so that I can save the boy from an untimely death. And to find out Mokuba's exact location… I will need to hack into Seto Kaiba's computer mainframe for his mansion, collect weapons that I may need, or not… and then rescue Seto's precious little brother.

So… where's the computer mainframe base within this mansion? My mind sets to work. Theoretically, I should simply follow the trail of blood and see what I can find - surely it will save me both time and effort?

Yet something holds me back. I must find out where both of them are. I must… because I cannot let more than one death occur in the same day.

_ Try heading down along the corridor to your right, treading three mini steps into the second room on your left, and saying, 'Freelance Maintenance.' _A cold, whispering wind says in my ear. I forget myself for a moment, and whirl around… yet no one is there.

I must trust this voice… it got me into this fine mess, didn't it? I smile slightly, despite the seriousness of the situation, and heave a sigh. Even I'm not naïve enough to go out into the Kaiba Mansion, hunting for a killer without any form of weaponry, even if basic.

"I need weapons. Where can I find them?" Blunt and rid of emotion: the perfect combination.

_Same room as I just said, my friend… _The voice replies, in a lilting, cool tone. I shrug, and then follow the voice's advice. I walk into the corridor on my right, the second room on my left, and take three mini steps into this room before whispering the password I have been given.

The door behind me quietly creaks shut, and I turn, now slightly jumpy. This could be where I die again, and lose my chance to be reunited with Bakura-chan. That is, obviously, something that I cannot afford to lose. I merely hope that nothing occurs too irrationally for me… and that Mokuba is not dead.

Hang in there, Mokuba. I know that you're only young, but… You act so maturely for your age, when you want to. I can only pray that you have enough sense and courage to run.

A slightly whirring is heard now, and I turn back to face forwards. The wall has lifted, and has revealed steps, steeply sloping downhill. I gradually them, and hear the wall that has risen slowly begin to fall back into place. My legs react and I swiftly flee the staircase, as if something deadly is approaching me from behind.

When the steps come to an end, I stop running and slow to a walk. Kami… I never anticipated that even Seto's computer mainframe would be so… advanced. And, if what everyone here is saying is true (that I have only just arrived in Domino), then I know, this computer will only get more developed.

_Bakura_

"Now, leave. You have found out what you wanted to know, Bakura, and for that, you must feel somewhat appeased. Understandably, you will be frustrated and want to know what is happening to Ryou at all times. We… cannot allow this, but any serious injuries we shall inform you of."

I barely even hear them speak. My legs resemble jelly when I rise, turning and staring out into the swirling, dark colours that surround us. My eyes no longer want to take in this sight… this place makes me feel sick.

"We shall take you back to your home, Bakura. I assume that you will need to talk to--"

"I am fully aware of what I need to do, Osiris," I respond coldly, my voice a deadly, threatening whisper, "So just take me home, and let me think. Something that I'm sure you would know nothing about."

One part of my mind dimly chastises me for that, informing me that talking badly to the Gods, who both hold my Ryou in… that place… is dangerous business. That part of me warns me against being so foolish. The rest of me can't give a fuck.

Ryou is so hurt. Why would anyone put him through something so cruel… especially after the life that he has had to lead? Because of this… I am without my hikari. The one part of me that was good is now gone, lost to that abyss of pain.

I wish that he never had to experience what pain he has had to… but wouldn't that be smothering? I want Ryou to live his own life, in happiness. Not some sick, twisted imitation that the Gods have devised to test him and see if he is 'worthy.' Ryou is worthy of everything that he used to be: bright, happy, innocent, and loving.

He does not, however, deserve to be put through pain… not after what he has had to endure on earth. Not after his abrupt, lonely way of leaving this earth.

Osiris flashes a beam of searing light at me… and I find myself stirring, as if reviving from a coma, stirring myself in a feeble hope of survival. I note my current surroundings… and know that my wounds are healed, and that the blood that once stained this carpet are now long gone. My blood… is where it should belong.

I slowly, shakily rise to a stand. I sigh heavily, and keep myself stable, and standing, by leaning against the door.

If only Ryou knew… if only he could… understand where he was.

_Ryou_

I approach the vast computer, and gingerly press on the power buttons. Immediately the machine springs to life, whirring sounds and small beeps filling the large room.

Okay. Now here's the part when I thank my previous sensei's for all of their tiresome, boring lectures about advanced computer technology. If my memory serves me well, then a password and several authorisation codes must be punched in on a nearby number or keypad… but, with so many contraptions… where the bloody hell do I begin?

_ Begin by making your way to the other side of the room, where the computer chair is. _The collected voice tells me, whispering both delicate and accurate advice in my ear. I shiver somewhat, and do as the voice commands.

I am faced, sure enough, with a (pretty much) standard keyboard, number board and mouse. A large, illuminated screen is before me, and I sense that this is Kaiba's more advanced, larger version of a monitor. Hesitantly I press the power buttons… and the entire thing springs to life, bleeping noises, with the occasional whirr emitted from the computer.

Uh oh. What's the bloody password for this thing? An information box is about to log me into the computer as Seto Kaiba, but I need the password. I doubt that, giving that this is a very advanced computer, pressing the cancel button will do anything.

_ The Password is Mokuba 118. _Again, scary yet soft voice. I don't know if I'm turning insane, or if it's another God trying to help me. Come to think about it, it does sound quite like Anubis.

I type in the password swiftly, and, with happiness gleaming in my eyes, I find myself faced with Kaiba's wallpaper and various programmes. Okay… firstly I need to hack into the tracking system, and I can locate Mokuba pretty easily from there on.

Surely that kind of a mission will be… relatively easy? Well, compared to trying to win everyone's trust, compared to witnessing the death of Jou, a friend who he himself had committed murders, and undergone such cruel hardships in this place? I shudder and try to shake myself of these thoughts. It frightens me to think that such events only occurred several hours ago. Mere hours ago, and within that time, Jou had been killed in my dream and in reality, I have been informed that Shizuka has died before her brother, Yami and Yugi hate me, and Kaiba loved Jou… and I can see dead people. Or, just one dead person called Tsumi.

Whichever the case may be… this night will go on. I may ask why this has happened to me… but I know that my mistakes have already been done. The greatest one was turning to suicide for help… for unbelievable emotions that have only betrayed me on this life. Or, so I thought.

But it turns out that I was wrong. I know of at least one person who cares for me… and is probably trying to escape using the same bittersweet methods that I once used.

I can only pray that Bakura is better than that… better and stronger than what I am... was.

_Bakura_

I eventually make my way over to the phone… right where I left it. After such darkness that I have just experienced with Osiris and Ra, colour seems to be such a concept that I never really appreciated before.

I need to call Yugi and Yami. Even if they call me crazy, refer me to special medical attention for the mentally distraught and therefore occasionally delusional… I don't care. I know what I saw, and only I know what the Gods told me. Ryou, I wish you could only figure it out! Your analytical skills used to be so sharp… so good. What ever happened to it all, Ryou? Where is the boy that I used to know?

He is… trapped. I cannot, at this moment, remind myself of what the Lords' of Egypt showed me… everything seems to hurt, especially the things that resemble Ryou the most in this house. Every wall we decorated together, I can see our ghosts. Every drunken party we held, I can see our ghosts. Every moment we cried with each other, ever time we laughed and had fun just being with each other… I can remember them. And it hurts like hell.

With a trembling hand, I reach out and dial the number of the Mutou's home phone. I groan impatiently as the tone sounds, and I receive no answer for at least seven of these annoying rings. I begin to consider slamming the thing down, when someone picks up.

"Mutou residence?"

Yugi. Who ever cannot recognise that bubbly, unique baritone surely has had their head beneath a rock for the past few years. The poor boy… like my Ryou, he too has undergone some pretty tough times.

Ah, he wants me to reply.

"Hey Yugi. Look, Ra and Osiris have decided to come clean about everything. I know where Ryou is… and it seems that only he can save himself."

I can almost sense his happy demeanour fade somewhat down the phone.

"Bakura-chan… I think you should really talk to Yami." A pause, "Here he is now."

The phone is passed over, and I make my impatience known once more as the Pharaoh greets me.

"Is something wrong, Bakura? Yugi said something about the Gods… but why on earth--?"

"Enough of you talking, Pharaoh. Come over and see if you can stomach this bullshit. I'll be waiting."

I hang up. If he doesn't come, then it's his loss… he will just have to spend the rest of Ryou's days without us in wonder and in fear. For it is not often that the affairs of the Gods and of the living mortals entwine… it is, indeed, a very rare occurrence. This is what the Pharaoh knows only too well… I am sure that even he can understand what I am enduring at such a thought.

And that is something that again, fills me with a sense of dread. With Ryou absent, unable to comfort me… I cannot bring myself to muster enough strength to believe in my hikari. I do not doubt him, however…

The 'duties' as the Gods called them… seemed much too taxing… even for an able-bodied individual such as myself… to be able to handle. Again, I do not doubt his capabilities in such matters, yet… could they not have waited until at least some of his trauma had faded? Surely they could have… at least waited another week or so, waited so that Ryou would not have to quickly adjust to such a horrific atmosphere?

No. The Gods are terribly cruel… and I can merely sit here and wait. Wait for the Pharaoh and his hikari… and for Ryou.

I don't care how long it takes you, Ryou… just so long as you make it to me safely. I would wait forever if it meant that you would be safe… even if such a thing would be almost impossible for me to endure. For even a moment without you… is an eternal sentence of doom.

I am stirred from my thoughts when I hear a light rapping noise on the door, followed by the quiet, hushed voices of those who I know. I grin slightly… in my deepest, darkest self, I think I knew what the Pharaoh would decide to do.

And if I am not mistaken, Jou is with us, too.

_Ryou_

"Seto Kaiba, would programme do you wish to use?" A robotic, wooden voice asked clearly, droning through my ears in an annoying manner. I jump slightly, startled. That… was highly unexpected. Nevertheless, if such a feature is there, then I will use it, exploit its advantages in the best way that I can, given my grave, dangerous task.

"I am seeking a programme that can help me to locate anyone within this building, including any intruders and those who I know. Which programme can do such a thing?"

A small pause as my request registers with the machine.

"I will open the device that administers you to do this." The steady-paced, unemotionally flat voice says. With several bleeps, and a small flash of light, I am faced with a page that is split into two sections. The first half, the one highest above my head, shows an image of the Kaiba mansion. Below, a box with several different fields are waiting to be filled in. Logic kicks in, and I realise that I must specify each of the needed fields to find Mokuba.

Well, Duh.

I begin to type into the first box, which is asking for my username and password. I type them in, and begin to shift my eyes across to every individual box. State the area of the Kaiba Mansion; state the gender of the person whom you are seeking… Ra, I know none of these!

Still, I must try. Again the quiet padding noise of my fingers hitting the keyboard sound within the room, my mind frantically working as it tries to comply with just how urgent this situation is.

After several minutes of this tapping, I finish the tables and press the 'go' button in the bottom right hand corner of this second section. Despite the demanding, almost terrifying knots that have formed in my stomach due to this mission, I lean back in Kaiba's chair and smile.

No rules, no holding back. I am unsure as to if I must kill whoever it is that shot Kaiba and killed Jou… but I am absolutely convinced that it is the same person. I have made no list of suspects purely because I fear that I will have to include someone that I thought I once knew. I also fear… that I will have to come face-to-face with something that I do not wish to.

A small bleep. I relax, coming back into my normal sitting position after a good few moments of pure relaxation… even though my mind still had been working.

I stare at the results from my location scan. My hand slowly, gradually brings its way up to reach my mouth, and I stand, stepping backwards as I shake my head. No, this search mustn't be correct… there MUST have been an error… and a fatal one at that.

There are only two spots of light flickering on the screen: one for me… and one for Mokuba.

I… have failed. How could this happen to me? There is no possible way that I could have been too late… oh Gods, Mokuba… why couldn't I save you? I… am so sorry. I have failed you… and Seto.

I fall to my knees, devastated. I try to collect my mind together, yet I have no luck.

I must make my way to Mokuba. I must ensure that the killer does not return and decide to defile his dead body once again. I, Ryou, will never allow Mokuba's dead body to be desecrated.

For that is something… I definitely cannot allow.

Yami's koi: heh… suspense? I seem to like leaving you hanging there, don't I? Anyway, the ending was kinda rushed cause I have exams next week, so it will be a while before I can channel my mind into something I actually _want _to do.

Neutral Man: this… has actually had a plot to it!

Yami's koi: yes. Anyway, as you may have guessed, Hikari Suicide will shortly be coming to a close. I've had the ending planned for a long time now, and I don't know how many pages/chapters I will be able to stretch it out, but hopefully you'll make sense of the ending that Neutral Man can't explain. I think it's best if you're once been on the brink of taking your own life and have realised… well, if I say that, then everything will be given away, won't it? Please R&R me… or send me in some fan art. Hiro.P remains, to this day, to be the only person to submit fan art. If you wanna check it out (which I advise you to… I love it!), it's under her reviews for headstrong, my other fic. Or, one of my other fics. So… I'll see you soon, hopefully!


	16. A chase through the Kaiba Mansion

Yami's koi: okay, THIS time I have an actual excuse for this update being so late… I've had exams. And I know this will sound really stupid, but my mom doesn't want me to fail and be stuck with the really thick people for the next two years. Therefore, I have actually had to revise for these pathetic little exams. And I've been in France for four days, and then I had my birthday, which was on the 28th May, hint, hint.

Neutral Man: the exams weren't too bad…

Yami's koi: that's what you think. Anyway… new chapter, new story… almost. See you at the bottom!

I stride along the corridors of the winding, almost unfathomable Kaiba Mansion. Fuck, I really should have grabbed some sort of map, or printed out the exact location where Mokuba lay… but NO! I had to trust my mind yet again, and just head off in the vague direction of wherever!

Still… I am so disheartened. I could not prevent Mokuba's death… and I have failed Seto. Now there is hardly any way left on this earth that I will be able to solve the mystery of who killed Jou… and who shot Seto. At this rate, I'll never get back to Bakura… or fulfil the wishes of the Gods… same difference.

Like I have said before, I believe that it is one person who has committed both crimes. I won't begin to point any fingers just yet, partially because I am still in denial about most of what has happened in this odd, twisted world. Therefore, I have begun to list those _least _likely to have been involved in such devastation. At least that way is less painful than considering others being murderers. So far, this is my list of those most unlikely to have… you know what:

Isis. Myself. Bakura. Yugi. Malik. Seto. Jou. Mokuba.

I did not include Marik or Yami because… they have, in this demented world, been cruel and threatening to me. Out of everyone I have met so far in this world, they have been the most violent and potentially lethal. I do not like it, but that is just the way it is.

I follow the path of blood. I note that the blood is more in amount in these corridors: a chilling warning that I am swiftly approaching where Mokuba's dead body lies.

Or does it mean that… no, no way. I quicken my pace. Oh Ra, please prove my prediction as wrong! It can't be… they would never… unless…

_Bakura_

It's the final countdown to a bomb being detonated here. Yami's face us one of anger as he strides in, furious that I knew of his intentions all along. Jou sits down with a bit more calm than the Pharaoh, yet I can prove that he really is itching to know why I have called. Yugi, the innocent one that was needlessly brought into this chaos, sits down without any form of emotion. Amethyst eyes stare soullessly at the floor, until suddenly he speaks.

"Jou has one of those marks we have, too."

His voice is so cold and empty that I am taken aback for a moment. I cannot recover, however, when Jou also begins to speak.

"Hey, don't forget Seto has one, too!"

I won't go into why and how Jou knows that Seto has a mark on him. I am more concerned about the way in which they will react when I inform them of what the Gods have been putting my darling Ryou through.

Poor, little Ryou. He must feel so alone… going through such misery, all for me. I feel that I am unworthy, and yet I am also very humbled by the fact that he would endure such madness to see me again. It gives me something to set my sights on… in a weird way.

"Arigato. A few hours ago, I figured out a way to see Ryou again."

Yugi's eyes seem to gain some of their usual brightness, and his cheeks obtain some form of colour. He seems happy at the news, anyway. His yami looks very impressed, and Jou… seems to be as much of a dumbass as he will always be.

"So, what was it, Bakura? Why hasn't it worked?"

I grin evilly. I am so corrupt at times… I can't even recall the last time I got so high from informing others of what they don't already know… oh, it's bliss. Believe me.

"It involved me killing myself so that I could join Ryou in death."

Their hopeful, happy demeanours fade instantly.

_**Ryou**_

My theory was right.

Dark, sapphire eyes glare at me, so darkly and icily that I knew just how correct I had been. Those eyes that once showed both innocence and happiness… were lost into the hopeless, suffocating abyss of madness. Pale cheeks were stained a dark, dry red colour, so alluring and pretty in the dimming light. I wish that his heart was the nice looking thing that represented him… and not the blood. Raven-black hair with hints of violet that spikes around his youthful face, obscuring his eyes some. There is no doubt about it anymore.

"Mokuba!"

"That's right. So you found me. I congratulate you on making it this far… but you are far from the truth." The slightly husky, sharp voice stated, so blunt and strong.

I shake slightly… I have no forms of weaponry, and yet he is bearing a tool that I once loved to stare upon as it cut through my skin. In addition to this, he carries a… oh god.

He's carrying a gun.

He notices my quick scan of his body and entire self, and begins to laugh harshly. Mokuba's laugh has also evolved… it is not the merry tone that it used to be. It is now shallow, and seemingly forced.

However, it does seem to hold just a little bit of mockery within it, and so I cannot help but think that maybe I am mistaken. Perhaps a dark, evil creature, victim to many hurts and emotional injuries in this world… is possessing Mokuba. Maybe this is another dream… yet not a prophetic nor present events one. Please let that be it. I can't bear it if my thoughts… the realistic ones… are true.

"Wondering why I'm carrying this?" He asks, waving it in front of my face, "Oh, I'm actually quite surprised what's happened hasn't made you notice this sooner… or find out the truth." Mokuba says, his lips curving into a sour, cruel smirk. It makes me want to shiver.

"I don't know what you mean, Mokuba." I insist softly, yet firmly. My eyes can barely leave the tools that can create so much harm to a human being. Mokuba has absolutely no need to carry such things. There is no doubt in my mind that he must be, slowly, going insane. Maybe that's why Seto told me to watch how he was… yes, that must be it.

"Fucking hell. Must I explain even the most blatantly obvious things to you? Fuck, even that pathetic, whining Mutt my brother had as a boyfriend would have caught on now… even if he is a little… dead now." A smirk. "Is that a big enough hint?"

I tremble. This is a nightmare. I don't want to accept the truth that is right before my eyes, and never do I want to cause any harm to Mokuba. However… I may have to. It may be the only way to save both him and myself.

"Mokuba, I don't understand. Tell me what you're implying and then I can be off." I say firmly, getting impatient. Many would consider it a bad move, considering the fact that Mokuba is wielding both a knife and a gun, yet it seems to be the only way of getting some interaction from him.

Mokuba stares at me in obvious disbelief.

"Well, well, well. From the looks of you, you're even dumber than I thought. Why can't you just face the facts?"

"WHAT facts, Mokuba!"

I can visibly see his self-control horribly slip. His face contorts, forming an ugly, snarling child's face, so angry for reasons that I dare not confirm.

I do think, however, that I will face such a terrifying truth shortly. And what he said next not only made my blood run cold, but made me flinch back in horror.

"THE FACTS THAT I KILLED KATSUYA JONOUCHI AND SHOT MY OWN BROTHER!"

A stinging sensation manifests itself in the corners of my eyes, and I whimper internally. So, my instincts have been confirmed… poor, precious little Mokuba has committed murder. And again he attempted to do so… to his own bastard of a brother.

Are you prepared to battle, little one? Those were the words that had once emitted from Shadow's – Mokuba's – lips, just before he killed Jonouchi. My hands shake as I fully comprehend what this means. Mokuba's heart is so corrupt, his mind so very poisoned by all that is bad – basically, most things - by everything in this world… that I doubt anything can save him now.

But to say 'little one,' when you are so many years younger than that one you are about to kill… it is too much, too immoral.

I must know why. Curious, I raise my tear-splattered face up to meet with Mokuba's… and regard the eyes of a killer with wariness. He has killed once, so he can do it ever so easily again. It won't take much to finish off this worn, tired, emotionally shattered body.

"Mokuba… why? Why would you kill the thing that had brought so much happiness into Seto's life?"

Mokuba snorts. "Answer your own question, why don't you."

I raise an eyebrow now, my mind still hazy and paralysed with shock. Nothing can connect properly… I have had to deal with so much in such a short space of time, and my brain won't cope with anymore. The mental pressure has become too much for my senses to handle, and so I must rest behind a fog of both bewilderment and misunderstanding until I am mentally healthy again.

I inhale shakily. "What do you mean, I've answered my own question?"

Mokuba glares at me.

"His happiness has been at my expense, you _idiot_," He hisses coldly, his blade glistening in the light as he raises it to the light for a casual inspection whilst he speaks. "Ever since that bastard Seto has been spending time with that dick, Katsuya Jonouchi…" He smirks as he sees that his choices of words are angering me, causing my emotions to spiral out of control. "…I have been the one on my own, even though Seto always promised me that he would always be there, no matter what. Ever since that great puppy of his has been his so-called _lover_, I've had to be on my own. No one to talk to. No one to cry to. No one to make plans with.

"I've had to watch them, for so many months now, sneaking off to have a quick 'play' when they were supposed to be doing something actually worth spending time on. I've watched them go out together, loving each other, whilst I've been left there in the dark, with no one to save me. My brother was stolen away from me by that bastard… so I made him pay."

Mokuba grinned harshly at my silence. He regards my face intently; obviously pleased at the reactions his words have caused.

"It was me who arranged for his precious sister to walk underneath that cliff that day. It was me who dropped that stone onto her head, making it look like an accident by declaring the cliff as unsafe. Yes… you should have seen his face when he saw that his sister was dead. So beautiful… and so dead. It was priceless, and it meant more to me than any other form of punishment ever could."

"But that wasn't enough, was it?" I ask coldly, realising what has happened. "You had to destroy the light in Seto's life. All because you were jealous of the happiness you shared… all because you wanted to be noticed and loved by your brother again. Even though it meant he would be unhappy for the rest of his living days because Jou was gone, you killed him anyway. So thoughtless of the consequences that it would bring."

Mokuba's face turns sour.

_**Bakura**_

The Pharaoh's reaction, predictably, was immediate.

"You didn't."

"Bakura, you're still alive… how could you have--"

"Aw, man, this is some Egyptian black magic crap, isn't it!"

I frown slightly at that.

"Yes, Jonouchi, black magic. Or, at least, that's what I concluded when I spoke to Ra and Osiris, those kinky freaks."

It takes just a moment for everyone to fully comprehend that statement. Jou, however, remains obviously clueless. Not that I expected him to actually understand what I was trying to say without actually saying it, just leaving subtle hints, but I thought he had a dirty mind? Surely he should get that?

Still, recent events have changed me more than what I have liked, so I can't blame him. It seems that even he can't find any light in Ryou's death, and that I am grateful for.

Because I would eternally hate him if he did.

"Basically, what I'm trying to say is that they are now lovers. They kissed, held hands, did all of the things they should do… when deep inside, I'm bleeding because of what I have lost."

Yugi sighs and stares at his hands, and I'm secretly glad that he's exhaled that small gush of air. It tells me more than what he is feeling, but also hints at what he is to say next.

"Enough chit-chat! Bakura, when did you think of that? And how did you even get to speak to Ra and Osiris, I thought they--" He pauses when he sees my sad smile, comprehension dawning on his face, "—Oh, god…"

Yami's eyes narrow even more so, understanding also why I was darkly smiling. I just hope that Katsuya over there doesn't think that I am looking like this to look pretty.

Likely, ne?

"Bakura… you killed yourself to be with Ryou?" The Pharaoh splutters, earning a rewarding smirk from me as I nod.

"Hai. Oh, it was painful," I added, watching in a sick pleasure as Yami's face paled, "But I was willing to endure that for my Ryou."

"But why," Yugi enquires now, still unable to look into his own love's eyes, in respect for how I am currently feeling (I think), "Did the Gods let you back, when Ryou's in fuck-knows where land?"

The use of the 'vile' word from such an innocent hikari's mouth seemed to stir Jou and Yami from their distant trances, both probably about things that I dare not talk about. I grin, however, darkly, knowing that, maybe, after all of this is through, Yugi may never be as pure as he used to be. Perhaps, I think, as I stare out into space, listening to the rain pounding against the windows, that may not be such a bad thing. Because with purity comes naivety, and with naivety often comes foolishness. As much as I can detest Yugi, I can't help but cringe when he sometimes is generally misunderstood or, rather, disliked due to his uncommon nature.

Yet that is the way things are with those who decide to separate themselves from the crowd. They are seen as weird, just because they dare to differ from those who look and act like everyone around them. And for what? Just to fit in? Credibility?

Ryou, however, was different. And yet he was liked and accepted by these select few, and another small group, and known as a friend. Often he was quiet, and was academically more successful than everyone else, but… perhaps it was just the way he shrugged it off, perhaps it was just the way that he covered up the fact that he had studied the night before with an excuse of feeling unwell… and for that, my precious Ryou was accepted. If only he could be faring as well as what he did in this world… if only he could see that not everything was bad when he took his own life.

If only…

"Bakura, answer me before I decide this is a total waste of my time." Yugi said firmly, eyes full of impatience. They were still directed at the floor.

I sigh. "My apologies. Really. But the Gods let me back to this world… was because that the event wasn't supposed to have happened. And because… if I had gone to where Ryou had…" I hesitate; taking in a deep breath, though I don't know why. "… Then there would be no more reason for him to return."

Yami nods, once again fully seeing the hidden words that I had cleverly hidden in my sentences. Again…

"Er, a little help, Bakura? What da hell do ya mean? I'm not as clever as Yami, so I can't understand all dat much!"

I feel anger bubbling within me. I quickly suppress it, knowing that I can't afford to be alone in this world without Ryou. I can't believe it, but I think I've actually become dependant on having people who I know around me, sharing my pain in a way that I can partially understand.

I still believe, however, that I am the bearer of a greater regret… a greater sorrow. That is why I took my own life: no one else attempted it, no one else did anything.

"What I meant was that when Ryou committed suicide, he thought that you had all abandoned him because you were all so very preoccupied with your own lives and lovers. So that was another factor for when he killed himself, but, even so--"

"SHUT UP! URUSAI, URUSAI, URUSAI!" Yugi screams, leaping from his chair and hurtling towards me. He falls at my feet, beating his small fists against my legs repeatedly. He cannot hurt me, but I don't understand why he would react in such a way. But as I see Yami rushing forward to pull him off of me, I fear the worst.

"Yugi, what da hell?" Jou asks, assisting Yami. The small, distressed hikari points a trembling finger at me.

"HIM! IMPLYING THAT _WE _WERE THE ONES THAT DROVE RYOU OFF THE EDGE! BUT ANSWER THIS, BAKURA! IF HE LOVED YOU SO MUCH, THEN WHY WOULD HE NOT HOLD ONTO THE HOPE THAT YOU'D LOVE HIM BACK! YOU WERE _STILL _ABUSING HIM, WEREN'T YOU? YOU _NEVER_ CARED ABOUT HIM, YOU ONLY EVER CARED ABOUT HAVING SOME PRETTY LITTLE PERSON HANGING OFF YOUR ARM JUST TO LOOK GOOD! SO WHY DON'T YOU JUST BACK OFF, FUCK OFF, AND ACCEPT THAT FOR ONCE, SOMETHING WAS _YOUR FAULT!"_

Those last words that he utters… they drive a thousand daggers through my heart, causing my Soul Room to illuminate with the piercing light of both realisation and pure, blinding hurt.

Those words are making me think now. I shake as I stare down at the sobbing light, being comforted by his friend and lover. Shake as I realise that, yes, Ryou would have had hope that I would love him back… so why DID he kill himself?

"Yug, I dunno if that was da right thing to say," Jou says seriously, but somehow gently.

Yugi gives him a look that suggests he is mad.

"If you haven't noticed, I don't care. Bakura should stop assuming it was just us and realise that he was somehow connected to Ryou's suicide. I don't give a toss anymore… not after this…"

Ryou… do you honestly hate me that much?

_**Ryou**_

"And I bet you didn't organise what you did earlier to your own brother, did you, _Mokuba_?" I say his name so savagely that I think he may have flinched in surprise. Someone as innocent as me cannot feel anger like everyone else? Fuck off. At the end of the day, we hikari's are naught but human beings. We have all-too human feelings, some of which are uncontrollable in times of discomfort and toil, and we bleed and cry like everyone else. Taking myself as an example, not all of us remain pure forever. Just my name now… is enough to remind anyone of the fateful, destroyed hikari that became something struggling to sustain himself in a foreign… yet definitely familiar place.

Mokuba grins at me evilly, his eyes flashing with glee.

"Right again, clever one. I took the gun from my brother's office room… one that he always keeps under his desk, just in case of emergencies and people trying to harm his precious Jou…" He pauses for a moment, a look of smug bitterness in his eyes, before carrying on, "… And I made sure that it was loaded. I calculated the exact time that he would leave work, with you, and then I aimed. I aimed, and then my finger caressed the trigger before pulling it down and shooting my brother.

"Oh, I was nervous. Seriously. You try shooting your own brother, when he's in a car, driving, with someone in the passenger seat. It wasn't easy in physical terms. But emotionally, I was practically alive with joy. For once, I would be the only one in Seto's miserable life where I would be praised for all my hard work. I could have been so dear to him, especially after his bastard's death… but then I realised, just as I saw the blood splatter the windscreen, just as I saw you running out of the car, rushing to see Seto's broken body. I realised that I wanted more.

"I want Seto's death. I want him to see me for the last moment of his life, to have him die whilst staring up into my triumphant, smiling face, whilst he dies from the shock of the emotion… and from however I plan to torture him first."

I smile grimly. "Not a good idea to broadcast your ideas, Mokuba."

He smirks back, much darker than what I could ever once imagine from someone so young… so pure.

"… But now that you know, I don't intend on letting you go, little one. I have to kill you now, too."

My joyless smile disappears. I am now wracked with worry. He holds a gun in his hand, whilst I carry nothing. I reach out behind me to stagger backwards, and I immediately rise to break out into a desperate run. My steps thunder beneath me, and I hear Mokuba's own footsteps about seven meters behind me.

I am startled by the first gunshot. It misses me by inches. He's serious. I'm not leaving this mansion alive.

But I won't give up. I've got Bakura to look forward to, and I'm not about to just die on him, like a weak, little loser. Oh no. Not after this… not after all that I have suffered.

I quicken my pace, panting as my asthma gets to me. I gasp heavily, my arms moving faster to aid my speed somewhat. Again I hear another crack of a gunshot, but this one smashes a painting's frame just in front of me. Shards of glass fly everywhere, and I divert my track and dart through various doors, speeding past corridor after corridor, until I hear Mokuba's steps getting fainter and fainter. I look back, and quickly reach for my cell phone.

"Come on, come on come on come on!" I whisper desperately, almost heaving with the need for more oxygen in my body.

"Emergency services, which service do you require?"

"P-Police, please," I gasp, clutching at my side as a stitch begins to form, "I'm at the Kaiba Mansion… please, come quickly."

The woman's calm, cool voice answered, "We shall be with you in a matter of minutes."

"Thanks," I manage, before hanging up. Then I feel the hairs on the back of my neck standing up, and I listen carefully, quietening my wheezing slightly. I hear footsteps… frantic ones. And I can only associate that with one thing…

Unless I move right now, I'm going to die.

_**Bakura**_

"Bakura?"

I had left the room to collect myself… and to force my food to resurface. And now, as I stand here, staring down into the sink, the toilet flushing as it discards what feels like my innards… I hear Yami's voice. He doesn't sound pissed off, but rather calm and collected.

"Hai."

I don't state it as a question purely because it shall get me absolutely nowhere. He will say what he will anyway, so doing such a thing won't affect the outcome of anything.

"I'm sorry."

Now, that I wasn't expecting. I raise my head, and turn, leaning against the cool sink. I stare into his eyes, and, for a moment, the surroundings melt away.

I am in Egypt again. My long, unruly bangs caress the scar on my cheek softly, as I sneer and mock the Pharaoh by presenting him with the battered, foul smelling corpse of his father. I see his tanned, youthful face drain of colour, and I see his eyes filled with both shock and sorrow. How could I stoop so low? I would do anything to get those Millennium Items…

And now, the flashback is gone. We are both dressed in our normal, modern-day clothes, my hair is still wild and long… but just to be sure, I lift my fingers up to my face, tracing over where my scar should have been. It is gone.

"You're… sorry." I say, my voice oddly devoid of all emotion, but still very husky and pained. "You shouldn't be. You're just making yourself hurt for no reason. If you feel the same way as your hikari, then go home. I mean it."

He sighs and stares into my probably tired-looking, slightly red eyes. His expression is one of concern and of exasperation.

"We've all been… under a lot of emotional stress because of what has happened over the past few days, Bakura, and I think Yugi just broke. You see how he was so quiet and secluded earlier? That's because I could feel his anger, and all the emotions he's feeling right now about to shatter. His control would go, and he would say what he never meant."

I laugh sourly. "But he has made me see the truth. I am nothing more but another nail in Ryou's coffin."

"Don't say that." Yami pleads now, stepping forwards and gazing at me with imploring eyes. "Honestly, this isn't the first time he's done this, and I've been hurt by it in the past, but please, Bakura… please. Just understand that this has affected more than just you."

"You know something, I know that!" I snap, the all-too familiar feeling of anger rising at the Pharaoh's slow, dim-witted understanding range, "And I also know something else: that is just clarifying what Yugi just said. I… don't care anymore. I really just don't care.

"But you know something else? I think that maybe I feel like breaking down and telling a few home truths, but I never do that because that's what I was when I was a Tomb Robber. It hurts, oh yes, it hurts like hell, keeping the truth in from those who you hate… but that makes me so much of a better person than Yugi, don't you think?"

He says nothing. He knows that I am right, and can't do a thing about it. I turn back to stare down at the sink, and I can hear him shuffling slightly.

"I know. And I'm sorry."

I raise my head once more, but do not look at him.

"I used to hate you, you know…"

This time I can't help but turn and face him. I try to smirk, but it turns out to look more like a weak, very weak smile.

"Likewise."

_**Ryou**_

And so it begins again. I inhale a deep, glorious breath of fresh air before starting again. I listen to the thundering of Mokuba's feet behind me, know very well that he is still holding a gun in his small but deadly hands.

At any moment now, I know that I can die.

But if I do, the only thing I will regret is not realising just how much I loved Bakura. I'll regret not valuing him enough to stay on earth, no matter how bad things were, when he was there, always beside me, when ever I was hurt.

I am drawn back to reality by another gunshot. Again, the bullet misses me, but they are increasingly nearing me every time Mokuba fires. I fear that the last thing I will feel is pain, and suddenly I realise that I can't go through that again. And I also realise that if I do die, I will not die running away. I will hold him off until the police arrive.

I stop and turn, glaring into burning sapphire eyes. They narrow and the gun is raised to Mokuba's orbs so that he can aim. I hear his finger touch the trigger, and it is then that I make my move. I hastily vault over the nearby banister, landing just three feet below. He curses loudly and approaches the railings, firing wildly. He does not, however, see me sneak back up the staircase.

I see Mokuba's back now, can see his eyes frantically scanning the below areas to locate me and kill me. If I hesitate or am too loud, then this will fail and all of my dreams shall remain dead, nothing but history.

Cautious, but not too slowly, I advance upon the small form before me. He is still unaware of my presence, and so I use this to my advantage. Gripping my hands together into a large fist, I bring it slamming down, right into the middle of Mokuba's back. He arches forwards, slamming his stomach and legs into the railings before him. This will not be a permanent solution, but he will, at least, be stunned.

In conclusion to this hazardous, but also very clever, move, I begin my descent downwards again. I have no need for staircases, but the impact of gravity sometimes stuns me for a moment, causing pain to shot throughout my foot before I am persuaded to venture on, my footsteps echoing downwards, down until I feel that I cannot run no more.

But still, I must carry on. For if I stop now… then Mokuba will kill me.

Yami's koi: ah ha! A cliffie, you see? It is a good technique that everyone hates me for, I know, but nevermind. It usually gives me reviews.

Neutral Man: but you carry on torturing them until you get at least 100 reviews?

Yami's koi: well, that's the plan. Do you think it'll work? Only YOU, the reader, can make it happen! Review me today and not only will you get to see what happens to Ryou, Mokuba, Seto and Bakura, but you'll also win the most sensational opportunity… EVER! I now have a account, and even though I haven't uploaded very much yet, there are currently five pictures on there! I am under the user name yamiskoi, so if any of you lovely readers want to drop me a little bit of advice, please, feel free to do so! Also, I am considering taking requests, and, as soon as my exams and revision are over, I can begin to think about drawing some angsty fan art to go with this fic… and others! What do you think? Please review me and I'll see what I can do! My final exam, until November-ish time, is on the 28/6/05, 6/28/05 if you're American. **Grins. **

Neutral Man: yeah, so review and tell her what to do. I think she sucks, but I don't even like manga/anime… or yaoi. Or yuri. Or lemons.

Yami's koi: yeah, yeah, whatever. Ja ne, readers! Please R&R!


	17. Millennium Showdown and Diaha

Yami's koi: wow! A total of nine new reviews! Radical! Okay. I meant I would write the next chapter, and if I got 100 reviews or more for that one, which would be chapter seventeen, I would drag out the next chapter (eighteen) to conclude it.

Neutral Man: by the way, she hates me now, so this is the last you'll hear from me. Ever. Bye.

Yami's koi: Yeah, so fuck off already. Anyway. See ya at the bottom…

The Pharaoh looks at me with the same weak, tired eyes that he has done for the past two days of our lives'. Their crimson now reminds me of my own blood, and I instinctively go to touch my wrist. I freeze, however, not needing another reminder of why I had been driven to that point.

I can no longer blame Ryou for doing what he did. I can only blame him for falling in love with someone both as dense and as… well, just generally somebody like me. So undeserving and so… dark. He must have been insane.

I mean, think about it. How can hikari and yami's fall in love with one another? I thought that they were completely different things, which would mean that no two could be more wrong for one another. As a result, why the HELL would any of the hikari's want to go out with their yami's, anyway? We're all complete idiots!

But then I remember the typical women's phrase. 'Opposites attract.'

Perhaps it's not to be taken in the sense that many would now take it... the most obvious way. But maybe for the bearers of the Millennium Items… maybe… it means that light and darkness attract one another. After all, didn't I just say that we are complete opposites? So I must be at least half right… Yami and Yugi are still yami and hikari, yet also lovers, and they seem perfect for one another! The world can be so frustrating at times.

The Game King stares at me now, questioningly. Oops. I must have been staring at him whilst being a philosopher back there.

"What now, then?" A straight-forwards question. But now I get no reply. Instead Yami still stares at me, but he raises his hand to his side. He seems to press in against his hip, and, releasing the pressure there, I see blood spread in the material. It causes his clothes to stick to his body and, picking up my curved swords in my old, stylish way, I fall into a fighting crouch. It was involuntary, and purely out of instinct that I did this: it's almost like a second nature to me now, even after all those years of being dormant within the Millennium Ring.

Something is afoot here. No one just begins to bleed out of their own accord. Something must have struck the Pharaoh…

… Or something very dark is stirring. Again, I see the Pharaoh as I once did, us two fighting against each other, our spirits of dark or light respectively battling it out to win the ultimate prize. For me, it was the Millennium Items. And for him, both his father's corpse and my dead body.

And in the next instant, the vision has gone. I blink once, and then resume my attentiveness. I grip my blades tightly, and begin circling around the Pharaoh in a silent, watchful prowl. Nothing is going to get past me.

"Yami!"

I whirl around and get ready to stab something, only to be met with the face of Yugi Mutou. He stares at me in horror, looking from me to the blood spreading from the Pharaoh's wound. I frown slightly, wondering what his problem is.

And then I realise. With the outburst that he just gave me, Yugi won't exactly be singing praises to me anymore. And since his Yami's bleeding, there's no one else in sight, and I'm holding two swords, things somehow don't look too great for me.

"Bakura…!"

"Yugi, I haven't--"

"Bakura, I DON'T BELIEVE YOU!" Yugi screams, lunging himself down at Yami's side, sobbing as he sees his lover's blood being spilt. Odd, however, that he isn't exactly doing anything to cease the blood flow, I note idly, despite the seriousness of the situation.

"You've done this to him, you Tomb Robbing bastard! You're just so… you're just so fucking mean, Bakura… I can't _believe _you would hurt my Yami like this! After all that we've done for you for the past few days, this is how you decide to repay us!" He begins to get hysterical now, bawling like the little child that his eyes make him look like.

"AND WITH RYOU GONE, I HAVE NO ONE TO TALK TO! GOD, WHY DOES THIS _ALWAYS _HAPPEN TO ME? I CAN'T DO ANYTHING RIGHT ANYMORE, BECAUSE I ALWAYS--"

That's it. I snap. I swing at him, slapping him across the face. And I don't exactly go easy on him either. His hand touches his reddening cheek, and more tears well in his eyes.

But I don't care. I advance on Yugi, grabbing the collar of his shirt roughly. I glare into his eyes.

"Don't you _dare _think you're the only one affected by Ryou's death, _Yugi_," I hiss, seething. He has just contradicted himself in front of everybody; making _me _feel guilty, and then doing what he just said was a crime! What the _hell _was the bloody point!

I can't stop at just that, however. I need to tell him where he's going wrong.

"As soon as you stop feeling sorry for yourself, I can explain everything. Now, you either accept that you were neglecting my Ryou, or _fuck off._ It's that simple. Now do what you want. I don't care anymore."

With that, I release him, shoving him to the side. I leave the room, and also my house. I begin to walk down to the park, ignoring the large raindrops that are now splattering my face. I can barely feel things anymore, so something born from nature won't affect me now.

At least now Yugi's actually got something important to think about.

The weight of my hair suddenly increases, but I don't care. I jump over the gates that lead to the park, now devoid of all children thanks to the rain, and I sit myself on a swing. I slowly begin to rock myself, leaning my head against the chain that falls beside me.

I think about all of those precious times I spent with Ryou. I think about the day I realised I had fallen in love with him, and I smile. Since I was not familiar with love, not even from a parent or even a first girlfriend, I was oblivious to everything… I was in a right mess.

_** Flashback – Normal POV. **_

_Bakura watched silently as Ryou did various chores in the kitchen. Nothing was said, but soon the hikari felt slightly at the stares and the quietness that Bakura was maintaining. It made him uneasy. Wiping his hands, he stood in front of Bakura and touched his shoulder lightly… something that he would have once feared doing, but now he had no problem with. _

"_Bakura… what's wrong? It's not like you to be so quiet…" Ryou asked, his chocolate coloured eyes imploring the Thief to confide in him. _

_Bakura stole a glance up at his light above him, and rose, sighing. His eyes betrayed a lot about him, but no emotion within them was readable. They were devoid of a recognisable emotion, but they were not soulless like many would suggest. _

"_If I knew myself, I'd tell you. Something's… not right." _

_Ryou gave his alter ego a look of both confusion and concern. "What's bothering you? Marik?"_

_Bakura snorted. "No. I wouldn't let him get to me anyway. It's something else, and I can't quite place who, when or why… I'm like this." _

_Ryou blinked. "You're so mysterious at times, my darkness. I just hope that you know if you ever need to talk to me…" Ryou smiled, blushing, "…I'll always be on the other side of the link."_

"_Or on the other side of the hall," Bakura murmured, with a smile. "Yes, I know, Ryou. But somehow, I think this is something that you really… don't want to know. It would only corrupt and disgust you… and what kind of a yami would I be if I let that happen intentionally? Why, I would be like Marik! And even though I may be a pretty sucky yami sometimes, I'd like to think that I was at least better than that bastard." _

_Ryou sighed, sitting opposite Bakura. Even though he hated the curses Bakura used, he had come to understand that that was the way Bakura was. And such things cannot be changed. _

"_So this is about Marik?"_

_Bakura shook his head. "No. Not him."_

_Ryou stared at the Thief then, and Bakura caught the stare, and froze. He was seeing his hikari in a completely different way. The way how Ryou's hair was shining because of the sunlight beaming in through the windows… the way his eyes showed how much he cared, just by one little look… the way how he held himself… it was all just so perfect… and it was completely the opposite of Bakura himself. _

_And the scariest thing? It allured him. That little creature, as innocent and pure as freshly fallen snow, as beautiful as an angel, so different to what he was, had actually made an impact on Bakura. Ryou wasn't the sexiest, nor the kinkiest person in the world, Bakura knew, but he could be a romantic… just for his hikari._

_As soon as these thoughts registered, however, Bakura blinked and shook them away. _

"_No way… that's just not even possible…" Bakura murmured to himself, startling his hikari slightly. The Thief closed his eyes, wishing everything in life could be as simple as seeing. When he reopened his eyes, however, he found that nothing had changed. Ryou was still beautiful to him, in every single way. The pale, snowy hair still made Bakura finding himself falling… the hazel colour of his eyes still caused the Tomb Raider to pause and inhale sharply… _

_And everything, just for that one moment, was perfect. _

_However, love is never perfect. _

"_Bakura?"_

_Bakura turned away, hiding the look of pain in his eyes from his hikari. _

"_I am sorry, Ryou. But I'm not ready to tell you… not right now."_

_And with that, Bakura rushed out of the room, slamming the front door behind him as he raced away, his own thoughts confusing him. He thought he heard his hikari pounding on the door to his Soul Room, but Bakura refused him access of any kind. _

_Now that his problem had been identified… Bakura was afraid. He knew that such love was doomed, and that if Ryou was… gay… he would never fall for someone as heartless, as cruel and as different as Bakura, the King of Thieves. _

_Such things were cruel. And, once fully out of breath, Bakura collapsed on a nearby bench, curling his legs up to his body and resting his head on his knees, exhausted and distraught. _

_Nothing would be the same anymore, he realised. Nothing, not even the way he interacted with his own hikari, the man whom he loved… would be as it once was. _

_And the fault was his own. He was to blame for this… and he loved every moment of it as much as he hated it. _

_**End Flashback, Ryou's POV**_

Still I run, but I must find some way of getting out of the building soon… my asthma is getting the better of me. And being the careless person I am, I wasn't carrying my inhaler when I died, as I thought that it would be pointless to me if ever I went to a better place.

I storm past windows, slowing down just enough to see that I am on the third floor… damnit, I'm still way too high up to even think about jumping down. And if I did, if the impact of the landing didn't give me a second death, then Mokuba's gun would.

My chest feels as if a white-hot knife is being twisted in me from within, and my legs feel so heavy… a stitch is beginning to form in my side… I feel like quitting, just quitting so that I can stop and be rid of this awful responsibility…

But where would that leave me? It would gain me nothing… and so I must carry on. For if I do… I will eventually gain something much more precious…

The love of my yami.

To keep Mokuba guessing, I often dart around random corners at the last possible moment. I hurl myself forwards even faster to keep him unsure of my next action, but still I hear a deafening gunshot echo throughout the hallway.

"I WILL KILL YOU!" He screams, firing more shots at me. I am quite surprised that he is missing, but in a blind fury, either power can be found, or lost. And more often than not, it is lost. I approach the open door to my right and, clipping my shoulder very slightly on the doorframe, I hurtle through the opening.

I push myself forwards, clutching my left arm as a searing pain shoots through it. Without thinking, I discard my shirt, throwing it behind me. I hear Mokuba's usually rhythmic steps clutter themselves for a moment, and again I race on.

Just when I thought I had lost him, I know why the footsteps have stopped.

I have reached a dead end. And there are no more doors to run through… and I would most certainly be risking it all if I leap from the window, as I am still on the third floor.

I whirl around, and the other idea of escape has gone, too. For now, Mokuba is silently advancing on me, a look of dark and evil glee on his face. He looks almost mad, and I am, for a moment, scared. What can he not do, I ask myself, when he has already taken two lives'? What can he not do when today, whilst enraged and hurt, he tried to kill his own brother?

If I am about to endure a second death, then I hope it is quick. But from a point of view that I think could be Bakura's amazing effect…

… I know that I need to fight. I can see my yami now, urging me on, giving me sweet nothings as well as words of encouragement.

"So… it's the end of the road," Mokuba sneers, smirking darkly at me. I steal a glance outside, and my heart lifts somewhat. I may not need to dodge anything yet… I may just need to create either a diversion, or stall for time. I believe, however, the latter shall suffice.

And if not? Well… Bakura will find a way of getting me back, I am sure of it. Confident inside, I begin to exploit my acting skills I once used actively at school.

"But why does it have to be?" I whisper feebly, trembling. I feel the urge to laugh, but I demolish such thoughts and instead focus on the task at hand. I make sure that I do not give Mokuba much eye contact, but I train my eyes, stricken in fear, at the gun he is now pointing at my chest.

Mokuba scowls. "What do you mean?"

I swallow, hard, exposing my neck so that he can see the reaction. "Well… what would it give you? What have I… _ever_… done to you…? I thought that you had a mildly valid reason for… for Jou…"

"Oh, come the fuck ON!" Mokuba cries agitatedly, waving the gun slightly. It gestures for me to sit, and I do so. He stands above me now; the evilly deranged look set on his face again. "Can't you get that yourself?"

"No," I state hurriedly, taking in deep, shuddery breaths, "As a last wish… please… I just want to know why I'm going to die… please?"

He regards me strangely for a moment. He then laughs cruelly, the sound piercing and cold.

"Well, at last! I thought you'd beg, but for a last request… you ask why I am about to kill you! What a waste of--"

"I have nothing else to ask for," I plead, tugging at his trouser leg for a moment, careful not to overdo the entire act. "Please… why am I going to die?"

He lowers his gun slightly, his eyes as thoughtful as they are malicious. I watch him, still taking long, deep gulps of fresh air as I pant, and for a moment I worry that this act will be seen through.

Mokuba's long, dark hair shimmers in the light as he slowly brings it back, running his fingers through it. I recognise that as a gesture used by Seto, and my heart aches. Kaiba is in a hospital because of the little boy in front of me, and I can do nothing to avenge him until the people below find where we are.

However, if they have any sense, then the trail of blood will be a large enough hint.

He opens his mouth now, and my thoughts fall silent as my full attention is given to what Mokuba has to say.

"I… want to feel that thrill again. You wouldn't understand what it is to kill… but I just feel this instant rush when I pull the trigger… and as I watch them fall to the ground, I am at peace for a while." He explains slowly, lifting the gun again.

"But what does this gain?" I whisper, staring at the gun in fright, which is now what I feel. I am desperately running out of reasons to stall him, and if I die, then - - "I mean, will it make Seto die in that hospital? Will it give you what you want?"

He scowls at me. "What I want is not your business," He spits, aiming the gun at my head. "And now, you die…" He pauses now, and glares down at me. I am not cowering, I cannot move. I am just so numb inside… an intense, almost crucifying wave of defeat and loss crashes over me, and I feel a warm wetness slide down my cheek.

Mokuba still watches the tear fall down my face, and bursts into fits of laughter – he is mocking my fear, which is what he has always wanted from me.

"Any last words?"

I swallow deeply, more tears falling.

"Yes…" I answer slowly, unable to look at who will shortly by my killer, "I… am sorry." The gun is lowered as he listens, and I press on, stammering slightly. "My love… Bakura… I-I am so sorry t-that you'll n-never be able to… to…"

"GET ON WITH IT!" He bellows, raising the gun again. I cry out in fear.

"THAT YOU'LL NEVER KNOW WHAT I AM! THAT YOU NEVER KNEW THE REAL ME, THAT YOU NEVER GOT TO BE WITH ME!" I scream, crying hysterically. "AND IF I HAD ANOTHER CHANCE, 'KURA, I SWEAR I WOULDN'T BE WHERE I AM NOW! I WOULDN'T BE THIS PERSON, I'D BE SOMEONE YOU'D ACTUALLY WANT TO LOVE! Oh, Kami… please…" I weep now, my anger and desperation gone. I have nothing left to live for, I decide. If I must die, then I want it to be now. At least my pain won't be felt for much longer…

"Please… just get this over with…"

Mokuba's eye twitched for a moment, but then he grips his gun hard.

"Goodbye, bastard…"

I squeeze my eyes shut.

_**Bakura**_

I swing myself slightly on the childish contraption, and I smile. I remember something else, as well… something else that I can feel both happy about, and pissed off because I should have remembered this sooner.

_**Normal POV, Flashback**_

"_Bakura! Come on, or the kids will be out of school before we get a chance to go on!" Ryou cried, running towards the park with an alarming speed for someone who looked so fragile and weak. Bakura, of course, caught up with him easily, slowing down as they reached the gates. _

"_All right, but not all day, okay? I have to--"_

"_Oh, yami! Please… just ONE day with your hikari, am I REALLY so terrible that you can't stand a DAY with me?" Ryou asked, pouting cutely. Bakura sighed, diverting the gaze by checking his watch. _

"_You know you're not…" He mumbled, eyes filled with shame. The thoughts he had of his hikari… the love he felt for his hikari… they were so wrong that they were right. But before Bakura could dwell on them, Ryou had already jumped on one of the swings. _

"_BAKURA! COME ON!"_

_Grinning, Bakura copied his light. He swung his legs backwards and forwards on the swing, intent on getting higher than his hikari. Taking up the challenge, Ryou leaned back further, kicking his legs out further to gain more height. It was a good technique, but Ryou knew deep down, that Bakura would win. For one thing…_

"_Quite a height up here, isn't it!" Bakura yelled over the rushing wind pounding against his ears. He could feel mild panic coming from the other side of the link, and it was so straightforward that Bakura almost laughed. Ryou could just be so cute at times. _

"_Kura… can I stop racing with you now? You know I'm afraid of heights…" Ryou pleaded, both verbally and through their mind link. _

_Bakura grinned: he'd won. And, that meant that he didn't have to go any higher himself. He wasn't afraid of heights, but his ass was lifting slightly from the seat when he got to the peak of the swing, and his fingers were already numbed from gripping the bars so tightly. But again, there was no fear detected anywhere within his heart, body or mind – it was pure instinct. _

"_Aw, okay, party pooper," Bakura agreed, pretending to be disappointed. He immediately stopped swinging his legs out, letting the eventual toll of gravity play itself out. _

_(Bakura… promise me something.)_

_Bakura glanced at his hikari, as they were both just sitting on the swings, barely moving. Ryou was staring at the ground, his face quite pale. Maybe Bakura shouldn't have challenged his light… but then, he wouldn't have anything else to do. _

_((For you? Anything.)) Bakura paused. ((Unless it's about the Pharaoh. There aren't many promises I can keep when it comes to him.))_

_(Promise me you'll never put me in a position where I'm getting freaked out like that again?)_

_((I promise,)) Bakura vowed at once, leaning over and pushing Ryou on the arm. The hikari just smiled and moved off his swing, over to a seesaw. _

"_Come on, Bakura. It's not as fun as a swing, but it's still good." Ryou pleaded, half sitting on one of the ends. Bakura stared at it for a moment._

"_What is this contraption?"_

_Ryou laughed. "It's a seesaw. Look, just sit on that end, and hold onto the bar. You'll probably not find this as exciting, but…"_

_Bakura grinned. "Watch me." And so, he sat on the other end, causing Ryou to abruptly sit on his end of the wooden 'bench.' Ryou was now in the air, with Bakura's feet touching the floor._

"_Now what?"_

"_Now you kick off from the ground, and then I do the same when I get down there. And then, the process starts again." Ryou explained, watching his yami's face with amusement. Bakura shrugged, and did as his hikari said, feeling himself rise, and, just as he got to the peak of the rise, his ass lifted from the seat and he almost fell off. Ryou laughed, a happy sound that was often more frequent when Bakura was around, and followed his own instructions. _

_They did this for a while, and by then, Ryou was crying with laughter. _

"_I'm gonna call Yugi, okay? I just want him to see this… and he thought I'd never get you into a park? Bullshit!" Ryou cried out, still at a high. He took out his cell and dialled the number._

"_Hey, Yugi! You wanna come over to 'Kura and me in the park? We're having a blast--" Ryou stopped there, his smile faltering. "Oh… well, okay then… sorry I interrupted your private time… Bye…"_

_Ryou called off. Bakura narrowed his eyes slightly, getting off the seesaw (with slight difficulty), and strode over to Ryou._

"_Come on, Ryou. We don't need them to have fun. We just proved that on the seesaw and swings, didn't we?" He asked brightly, nudging Ryou's sides. Ryou forced out a smile, and nodded in partial agreement. _

"_Yeah… you're right… I don't…"_

_**End Flashback**_

That was about a year ago. Yugi was out with his oh-so-perfect boyfriend, so he didn't have the time to go out with Ryou once in a while. And whenever I wasn't feeling sociable, he never went out… in fact, neither of us did. It wasn't that I didn't want to go out, oh no… it was, come to think of it, Ryou that always declined. He usually said, 'No, that's where I planned to go with Yugi and Yami today… I can't ask you to rearrange your plans just for me. I'm not worth that much.'

I move from the drenched swing, making my way over to the now slightly more graffiti covered seesaw. I sat on one end, a faint smile coming over my face.

"I should have just forced him out of the house. That way I'd never be here, and even if the Mutou's and Ishtar's would still be fucking each other, then… Ryou would always have me." I say to myself, and to the stormy sky. It replies with a dull outbreak of thunder, and the rain begins to really pelt down on my skin.

It seems that I have no other choice than to go home. Just to see what has transpired there. And if I find out that sex has been transpiring… then I will see to it that they will never enter my house again… regardless of what Ryou says when he gets back.

That is what I can only hope for now: that he sees through what Ra and Osiris have organised for him, and that he comes home soon.

_**Ryou**_

I hear Mokuba's fingers slide over the trigger, can literally feel what it is like to pull it back, pressurising it until a shot is fired, and someone's life is taken away.

Well, there goes the neighbourhood. Guess I won't live to see Bakura's face when I return.

Everything here is do dank… so evil… I feel that I have been here before. Everything is so familiar, yet I put it aside to be the fact that it is the same setting that I was in a few years ago. I am almost glad that I'm dying, just so that I can be rid of this place.

**CRACK!**

I open my eyes. Mokuba is hurtling towards the floor, his knees giving away. I try to run past him, but an immediately met by the face of someone I never thought I would see again:

Marik Ishtar.

Oh… shit. The last time I saw him… I clutch my side as I remember the pain of having a knife twisted inside of me, and I whimper. It's gone from fucking bad to worse, how can this happen to me!

"Hello, little one," He says, accent thick and full of evil. "I hear that you seek death… that's why you attempted to enter this mansion?"

I shake, relaxing as I fall back from my standing position. I lean against the wall, exhausted.

"This place isn't a mansion… It's a fucking Sanitarium. I've never run across somebody so screwed up by jealousy… of his own brother! And what the hell for? Being happy because for once in his pitiful little life, something has actually gone according to plan for him! Why can't everyone just be happy for Seto and Jou, and get on with it!" At this, Mokuba groans from below my knee. I glare down at him.

"You're not dead." I state simply. Great. Two nutcases, two guns, possibly three knives, and a Millennium Item.

Marik points something at me, and I can instantly tell that it is his Millennium Rod. I glance up at him, sighing.

"Can't you be original, just for once? I kinda guessed that you'd use the Rod against me, you're getting old." I say, tonelessly. Mokuba seems to be coming round, but doesn't make much of an effort to get up. I prefer it that way, but if he has a knife hidden somewhere… he might just stab me in the leg. Uneasy, I edge away from him.

"But still, it seems to have had the right effect… you're shaking, little one." Marik growls, gesturing to me.

I shrug at this. "Oh, please, call me Ryou."

He blinks at this, his tanned face frowning, as if confused. "But first-name terms usually gives the impression that we are friends… and after what you did between me and Malik… I wouldn't say that we were nothing short of being enemies."

Fine by me. I have too many at the moment in this world, so one more usually wouldn't make a difference. But, come to think of it, when the enemy is Marik… it's time to start worrying. He's a total insane man, and that's to put it lightly. He almost gained world domination, but he screwed with so many people's lives at Battle City… though, come to think of it, that wouldn't have even happened yet… is this how insane he's always been, then?

"Too scared to talk? Don't worry, I won't make this too long for you… but what the Shadows do to you is a different matter entirely." Marik scorns, tightening his grip on the Rod.

I take off my Millennium Ring, something I've refrained from doing, due to the loneliness it causes… but no. Nothing.

"Then do your worst… but I have a Millennium Item, too."

Marik pauses at this, then looks me over thoroughly… something I've adjusted to in the past few days. His eyes narrow, the look inside of them making judgements and seemingly confused – sincerely this time, though.

For a moment, he lowers the Rod. "I knew you looked familiar."

I raise my eyebrow, pretending to look both interested but bewildered. I must play this carefully… I don't want to destroy these next few moments now, do I? Or, at least, not unless I want to bring my death to me much sooner.

"Why, of course. You stabbed me a few days ago before throwing me out of your house."

He sighs, shaking his head at me slowly. "No. I thought I'd seen you before… but now, looking at you, I can actually notice the differences between you and him."

Inside, I know what is coming. He will ask me about Bakura, and if I have ever seen him, ever heard of him, ever been touched by him… Still, I feign innocence and ask him: "And who would that be?"

"Ever heard of a man called Bakura?" He asks, taking a step closer. Automatically, I step backwards. I'd like my personal space, even if I might lose the inevitable battle that is looming ahead.

"I can't… don't think I have…" I say, raising my eyebrows. "Why? Should I know of him?"

Marik tilts his head at me, narrowing his eyes in suspicion. "Are you sure? Bakura? His eyes are like yours, but are slightly sharper around the edges… but I think his are darker than yours. Has hair like yours, but seems more… angry, if you know what I mean. He has a big scar on his cheek… like three lines?"

At this, I do not understand. I never knew Bakura had a scar on his cheek… why hasn't he ever told me? I almost feel hurt, but I push that aside and concentrate on making myself look innocent.

"No… I can't say that I've ever seen him… or heard of him… Bakura… what a strange name…" I mutter, half to myself.

Marik sniggers. "You think so, too? He was Egyptian, like me… we met in circumstances that, had he have stood just an inch closer to the wall, he would have died, not just been scarred… damn those traps… stupid Pharaohs, insisting that we have them in our tombs…"

I almost laugh. Now is my time to have some fun.

"What was he, then? A Tomb Robber?"

This time, he seems very suspicious. A dangerous game to play, right? Well, to be honest, it's not like I give a fuck.

He raises the Rod again.

"Whatever he may have been, if you do not know him, then it's no concern of yours." Marik says coldly, eyes grim, "Prepare for a Shadow Game! This will be played--"

"-On the boundaries of our minds. Yeah, I've heard that before as well." I interrupt, enjoying every minute of this. I grip the Ring tightly. I hope this doesn't let me down.

Marik grimaces. "So you know something. Care to tell me what 'Diaha' means?"

I grin. "Start Duel."

"Right."

We stare each other down, like always, and his eyes flash in an instant.

"DIAHA!"

Yami's koi: ah, another small cliffie… this should get me past the hundred reviews mark, right?

Nefertiri: if you're lucky.

Yami's koi: hush! Anyways… I'm gonna regret this, probably, but I doubt there will be another five chapters left in this. How will it end? You'll have to keep reading and find out. But anyway… when I write the last chapter, it will appear to be very long. This will be because I will have a complete list of everyone who has ever reviewed me… and inspirations, a long AN, etc, etc… so I thought I'd just give you some warning! Please, R&R… And, until we hear from each other yet again… peace out.


	18. Realisation, Murder and Gods

Yami's koi: well, here it is… the eighteenth (?) chapter of Hikari Suicide! I'm actually quite surprised at this update, but OH WELL!

Nefertiri: she doubts, btw, that there will be two more chapters left in this. That's partially why this is so late in coming out. She can't let go… aww…

Yami's koi: I knew exactly where to go from it since, like, chapter three… but still. To think, this fic has been out for about a year now… it makes me feel so old. A lot of crazy shit has happened since then… I got my ears re-pierced, my belly pierced, a tattoo, my Mom's second divorce, third love of her life moving in, getting a job, a lot of writing, getting an email friend, my birthday, a Christmas, a lot of fresh scars, changes to my sexuality, taking a fist drag of a cigarette, my split with my boyfriend last night… Well, till the end of the chap, then! Hope ya enjoy this instalment!

I release a lot of energy as he utters the Egyptian word 'Diaha.' Whilst this Duel may be being played on the borders of our minds, we can still see each other, and what energy is being released… all from owning a Millennium Item.

Marik does not hold back, or hesitate. His attack is more straight forwards than subtle, and I am, for a moment, left stunned. Shaking the temporary paralysis from my body, I re-focus my mind on the Shadow Game. For in this game, generally… it if the person who loses focus first than the person with the least energy.

My body feels suddenly weak as a lot of my energy escapes me. It thunders towards Marik swiftly, but then, whilst some of it attacks him directly, some of it swirls behind him, striking him simultaneously. He jerks forwards for a moment, before regaining his stance.

Marik's eyes widen, before I note a great lack of energy from his Rod being emitted. Then, as if I had thought too soon, a blinding light forces me to close my eyes. The next time I open them, I am flying through the air, my back slamming into the wall. I fall to the ground, crumpled.

Without much regard for what it would do to me, I immediately stand up, a wave of dizziness crashing over me. I almost lose my balance, but reach an arm out to steady myself against the wall.

"Are you ready for more, little one?" Marik asks, and I predict what he's about to do. He does not wait for me to answer him, and just hurls more Shadow energy at me.

Using the Millennium Ring, I create myself a vast defence shield, cancelling out all of Marik's attacks. Sometimes, I feel my legs shake, but I ignore it and carry on maintaining the shield. I know that this is a risky stratagem, but what else can I do? The Pharaoh had a very difficult time in defeating Marik in Battle City… and he is much stronger than I am.

I lower my eyes, knowing what is to come. I am going to lose.

"_You're only as weak as you feel." _

A refreshing, familiar voice washed through my head, and I shiver. That sounded so much like Bakura's voice… and, in my slight confusion, I allow the shield to waver a little… and Marik uses this to his advantage.

"So, bastard, you're finally cracking up, are you?" Marik gloats, using his rod to shatter my defences. I release a loud scream, and find myself pressed against the wall again… but this time, I do not fall. He's using his Shadow Magic to increase the amount of pressure on my body, so much that I feel myself suffocating. My chest can barely move, the pressure is so intense.

"Now, DIE!" Marik howls, giving one last increase. I release a loud cry, and finally understand what Bakura – I mean, what the memory – was trying to tell me.

This started because people stole away my self-esteem, the belief in myself. I may not have great esteem – and I am sick of so many people referring to it like it matters so much – but if Bakura thinks I am strong… then I can do it.

I can touch my Millennium Ring. It's easy… my arm's being crushed into my stomach, so all I need to do is lift it up slightly. My fingers twitch, and they stretch, just touching the surface of it. They curl around the gold circular part, and I smile in triumph. I yank it towards me, and I concentrate solely on freezing Marik's mind. My eyebrows furrow in frustration when he wavers, but does not allow me enough decrease in energy to drop me to the floor.

Then I take a more frontal approach. It's been the most obvious weak point on the man from the start, and I scold myself for not thinking of this sooner. I stare at the bastard's luckily clothed crotch… and a few moments later, he howls in agony.

This gives me a large enough chance to drop to the ground, regain whatever energy I had almost wasted.

From within my pocket, I find a Duel Monster card. I stare at it, beaming happily. I hold it out before my eyes and, also thinking about the person whom I wish to destroy… I mean, injure… the creature materialises before me.

"Diabound! Go forth!" I scream, pointing at Marik frantically. Bakura's evil spirit hurls itself towards Marik's defenceless, almost paralysed body, and an immense spiral wave shoots from its outstretched hand, and I shield my gaze from the force of the attack. It's breathtaking.

I hear one final, panicked yell… and then, silence. Diabound's attack ceases, and I am left, staring through a cloud of dust… at the fallen, almost crumpled up form of Marik Ishtar. He does not move, or make a sound. I lower the Ring, knowing that I have won.

Fallen… crumpled… unmoving… oh shit…

Have I just… killed Marik?

_**Bakura**_

I open my front door without hesitation. It's only Yugi and the Pharaoh, what is there to be afraid of? Sure, Yami might be pissed because I hit Yugi, but the little brat deserved it. Feeling so sorry for himself, just because he can't face what he did… well, what good will that do? It doesn't change anything, so why bother wasting time doing that? At least, that's my approach to things. I have a very realistic way of life, and so get impatient easily when others… well, don't see sense.

"So much for the welcome home party," I mutter, neither seeing nor hearing anyone greeting me. I walk into the living room and, sure enough, the Mutou's are there.

"Hello!" I say merrily, waving over-excitedly. If they want to pretend that what I said never happened, then so be it. I won't complain.

Yami, however, seems to have other ideas. He raises an eyebrow.

"You're soaking," He comments as he stares at my body, handing me a towel, "Get changed and warm up, you'll get yourself a cold in those wet clothes."

Now it's my turn to look like an idiot. I stare at the Game King, blinking several times before actually moving. He cares about me just a little bit, then. Yugi hasn't said anything, probably still thinking about what I said to him, but I prefer things that way.

I go into my room and find some fresh clothes… some that don't make me look like I'm a widow, but nothing too happy-looking, either. So I settle with black jeans and a white shirt, representing perfectly what Ryou and me were to each other. Irony, eh?

I head back downstairs, towel-drying my hair as I go. As I did when I raided tombs, I put my trust in my feet to guide me. I successfully reach the bottom of the stairs without falling over, and lower the towel as I walk into the living room.

They say nothing when I enter, so I take a seat and let the silence drag on for a while.

"Where did you go, Bakura?" The Pharaoh asks, finally deciding to break the eerie quietness of the house. It broke the tension somewhat as well, and for that, I am grateful.

"To the park, and from there… into my memory," I answer, recalling the reason why the happy mood was broken for a few moments when Ryou and me had been at the very same park. I try not to let it bother me too much – I need someone to talk to, even if it is my 'sworn enemy.'

Yami nods. "What did you think about?"

I sigh, trying not to show my exasperation. What else could I possibly be thinking about!

"Ryou," I answer calmly, concluding that snapping at him wouldn't really have been wise. My body shivers at the sound of the heavily falling rain outside, and I am ever more conscious of the cool wetness that my hair is giving me. I begin to dry my hair again, just as Yugi decides to speak up.

"I miss him, Bakura."

I lower the towel and stare at him. He sounds truly upset, and I feel all of my previous anger dissipate. His amethyst orbs are lowered to the floor, cheeks pale, the area under his eyes dark. I can't help but believe him.

"I know." I respond quietly, assuring him that everyone else does too. "But Ra and Osiris doubt that he will have to be there for much longer."

At this, I can feel Yami's curiosity being sparked. He leans forwards in his chair, stroking Yugi's locks with one hand.

"Where is he, Bakura? What have they done to him?"

I smile sorrowfully, pity washing through my being as I recall what the Gods said.

"Settle down. This might take some explaining," I pause. With a deep, calming breath, I continue.

_**Ryou**_

I stare at Marik's body in utter horror. I slowly approach it, seeing a thin line of blood ooze from the side of his head. My foot slowly rises, and nudges his side gingerly. His body does not resist, his lips unmoving. My eyes widen further, tears gathering in the chocolate-brown orbs.

I… have killed Marik.

I hear another groan behind me, and I whirl around. It is Mokuba… and he is struggling to get to his feet. After several vain attempts, he simply leans against the wall, sitting.

"What… was that? What… what have you… done?" He asks, seemingly perplexed. I don't answer him – I can't. Just hearing myself say that I have killed – no, murdered – Marik is something that I am not yet ready to face.

Instead of admitting to what I have done, instead of facing up to it like a man, I back away from Mokuba, Millennium Ring still in hand. I do not wish to, but I will use it if necessary.

Then, I hear a small click behind me. I whirl around, expecting it to be the spirit form of either Ra or Osiris, and I am faced with a concerned-looking officer.

"Are you the person who called?"

I slowly nod. I can't speak; my throat has gone numb from resisting the urge to cry. He jerks his head, gesturing behind me at both Mokuba… and the prostate figure of Marik on the floor.

Before he can question me, a paramedic appears from behind him. I press myself against the wall so that she can pass, and I watch fearfully as she reaches down to touch Marik's neck, searching for a pulse. She glances up at me, nodding.

"He has a pulse, but he is very weak. We will need to take him into our care for now."

Oh my… Marik is alive! OH MY GOD, YES! I DIDN'T KILL HIM! I'M NOT A MURDERER! I AM OKAY, I'M NOT LIKE HIM! FUCKING HELL, IF HE EVER DARES TO COME BACK AND KILL ME, THEN AT LEAST I KNOW I WILL KNOCK HIM UNCONSCIOUS BEFORE ANYTHING ELSE! HA, HA! HELL, WHY AM I CELEBRATING, HE DESERVES TO DIE, BUT NEVER MIND, I'M TOO INSANELY HAPPY AT THE MOMENT…

"And… what about Mokuba?" I ask, trying not to let my happiness – and relief – show. She moves towards the startled young man, but before she can get there, she releases a panicked scream.

"A… A GUN!" She shrieks, pointing at the weapon still held loosely between Mokuba's fingers, "KAMI-SAMA!"

"Mr… Ryou, is it? Would you care to tell me what has happened here?" The Officer questions, turning my attention back to him. Now it's time for the truth.

"Well… Seto Kaiba was taken in today… and…" I pretend to sound upset, sniffing deeply. I think about Bakura, and my eyes immediately water. "And… he asked me to… l-look after M-Mokuba, and…"

"Here, son, calm down now," He soothes, gently persuading me to come into one of the side rooms, out of sight of Marik and Mokuba. He produces a notebook, taking down things. "In your own time, son… It's all over now, you're safe."

I sniff loudly in response, concentrating hard on Bakura… and a tear falls down my cheek, promptly.

"I came o-over, and… he said h-he'd shot Seto… and h-his lover, and Shizuka, J-Jou's sister… and then… and then he… h-he came at me with that gun, and… he threatened to kill me…"

"All right son, well done for telling me that," He says calmly, his voice full of sympathy. "Let's not talk about that anymore, shall we? Now… do you know who the other person is?" He presses gently, making more notes.

"Y-yes…" I stammer, surprised at how well I am pulling this off, "He… We met two days before, a-and… he stabbed m-me… h-here…" I pull my shirt up slightly, and show him my scar. He frowns, and writes faster.

"Did you report him?"

I shake my head frantically. If I keep this up, I can get Marik in some serious shit… heh… I never did like him that much, anyway.

"N-No… he said h-he'd kill me if… if he found out I…" I let go of the bottom of my shirt, still recalling the feel of Bakura's lips on mine before I died. I screw my face up slightly, trying not to release a howl of misery.

"And then… today, he s-said that… him and h-his boyfriend had split up, a-and it was m-my fault, and he wanted revenge… A-and… he tried to kill me, so I-I pushed him… s-self defence, y-you know? I… I think he hit his shoulder on s-something, on a pressure p-point…"

The Officer rests a hand on my arm now, smiling kindly.

"It's all right, son. He won't be able to hurt you anymore."

_**Bakura**_

I lean back in my chair, a painful lump in the back of my throat. It's partially from speaking for a long time, partially from the memories dragged up from saying what I just have done.

The Pharaoh's narrowed eyes are questioning me… he definitely does not believe me. I smirk at him.

"It seems, at least, that you need some more convincing. All right…" I take the Ring from around my neck, running my fingers over its smooth, cool surface. I swallow, and mutter an Egyptian Incantation. I know that Ryou only needs to think of them and he is with them, but I must do this… man, talk about favouritism. I've probably screwed up half of what I just said; anyway… it's been too long, I think, since I last needed to speak Ancient Egyptian. In class, it used to kind of annoy Ryou, because the Pharaoh and me wrote notes to each other in Egyptian, and…

Ah. Sorry… I don't want to think about Ryou, but I know that I will continue to do so until he solves this… well, puzzle, if you will. If he sees through the illusion, cruel and evil as it is.

Despite making at least one error, Osiris and Ra appear before me. I sense Yugi shrink back slightly, and the uke (or, from what I can gather) laughs.

"Don't worry!" Osiris laughs, "We won't hurt you. We're just here to confirm what Bakura just said…"

Yami's eyes widen, and I inwardly laugh.

HA! YOU DIDN'T BELIEVE ME, JUST BECAUSE I WAS GONNA ROB YOUR TOMB WHEN YOU DIED IN ANCIENT EGYPT, HEE, HEE, HEE…. Whoa… steady now, Bakura. You can't lose your sanity yet, not when Ryou's about to come home any moment…

"Yes, I agree," Ra says, startling me. My own eyes widen then, and my back straightens so fast even Yami cringed at the cracking sound it made.

"You mean-?"

"Oh, yes," Ra nods, smiling, "He will have cracked the code soon enough… I doubt it will be another day now. He will return to you, Bakura."

I give out a very fake laugh – like the one a vain teenager gives when she hears her boyfriend's best friend telling her that it's over.

"Wow… thanks… taken you long enough to give him a break though…" I mutter, pushing my luck ever so slightly.

Osiris gives me a wary look. "You know something, in the space of five thousand years… you haven't changed one bit, Bakura."

I give him a lopsided grin, only one side of my mouth curving up mischievously. "I know."

Ra has been eyeing Yugi for some time now, and I know that the little hikari is blushing without even looking at him directly. The Pharaoh's eyes are slightly glazed, so I know that they are speaking.

"Oh, and there is one other small thing that Ryou has found out about you, Bakura," Ra begins, not taking his eyes away from the alter ego of Yami, curious.

"He has a third nipple?" Yami tried immediately, failing to be funny. I don't even bother giving him a warning look. The news that the Gods have just given me has affected me too much to bother chasing after small fry such as him.

"Go on."

Ra finally turns to face me… I think he wishes to see my reaction.

"He knows that you were scarred in Ancient Egypt… and I think he may wish to see it."

My face falls. "Oh no… anything but that…" I whisper. It's not that I care about looking good (though I do look really hot with the scar, mind), but its about Ryou. I know that he will ask questions, and that is something I would rather avoid. The subject of my scars are… tender. And to get so many on the same cheek (one by myself… yes, even I have feelings) (Duh), must obviously bring about curiosity.

"Oh, he hasn't seen them," Ra adds, relieving at least some of my own anxiety. "But he knows of them… Marik told him."

I nod, not paying much attention. If I was where Ryou is, which would be impossible, even if I was to die… I would kill that Marik, and hope for every single Goddamn second I was in that shit hole that the real Marik is dead too. But, of course, Marik and me are friends.

Well, for our hikari's.

"Oh, and, Bakura forgot to inform you as to why you bear marks." Osiris cuts in, smiling, "So I will enlighten you.

"Whenever Ryou meets someone who he knows from where we are now, that person here gains a mark. This is to show that you have played your part in Ryou's angst. The design does, however, increase in size depending on how important you become in this. Take Jou, for example. The reason why he came over was to tell you about the mark… or at least, to ask for a reason how he obtained it for when Seto returned. It should be gone now, however… as Jou has died where Ryou is."

Yugi raises an eyebrow. The God smiles.

"It's because he used to think that a lot of people around him might as well be dead, for all the attention that he got."

_**Ryou**_

I've been moved from where I was, and am now outside Seto's hospital room. The Doctors have decided to keep me in for a night, just to give me a proper bed – a piteous thing to do, but I accepted gladly. For Gods, Ra and Osiris don't exactly give many resourceful things.

But then, I've never exactly had much of that… in whatever way you decide to take that. I mean, I've never had a first kiss… unless you count the last thing I felt before I died… I never lost my virginity (embarrassing? Well I'm only seventeen… You mocking me? Fuck you.) … Never accomplished my dreams… Never got much of what I wanted….

Iie… I've practically always been on my own, in everything that I've done. Even now, however, I do not know how I dared to kill myself… when all of those things had been there all along.

But if going through this meant that Bakura would admit his love to me, then it's worth it. I'm willing to go through this for him… god, I miss him so much that it hurts… I wipe at my eyes, refusing to cry. It won't solve anything. Still, it would give me something to do fro twenty minutes… it's only eight thirty and the Nurses have insisted I get some rest. Yeah, like I go to bed this early every night. My body clock is configured for some time in like, the early hours.

Anyway. This place… wherever it is… it's just like what it was before I killed myself. The feelings, everything is the same… well, apart from the time. That's the only difference. And Bakura… but in this world, I probably wouldn't want to know him.

I finger the Millennium Ring as I contemplate this, and freeze. Come to think of it, a lot of things are the same here. Yeah…

… Jou and Shizuka having both a turbulent past and present… I can't explain why both of them would die, but I saw so little of them that they may as well have been. I think their death would have drawn me closer to them than what anything else ever could.

Jou being a murderer would be simple… he's suffered so much hardship and bloodshed that some more wouldn't exactly faze him. And even now, as I think about myself, I was almost raped… again… and…

The couples... well, there's no difference there. Yugi and Yami, Jou and Seto, Malik and Marik (even though they've split now) … But why Mokuba was designed to be an insane murderer baffles me entirely.

But now, my conclusion is clear. The reason why this is all so familiar to me…

… Is because it feels like I have experienced all of this before.

_**Bakura**_

The two Gods smile then, and, glancing at each other, hold hands before they vanish. I blink, and smile. I bring my knees up to my chest and hug them.

My Ryou… please, make me proud.

_**Ryou**_

I stare at the two before me, seeing my own eyes reflected in their orbs.

"Why… am I here?" I ask suspiciously, expecting yet another tedious, life-threatening experience. If anything, these two are the LAST people I want to see right now… I just want everything to go back the way it was… well, before I was being ignored, anyway. When I was actually loved.

Ra raised his arms in happiness, a brief smile passing over his lips.

"Congratulations, Ryou… you solved it!"

My eyes narrow. What is he talking about? Osiris' eye colour changes somewhat… before returning to normal.

"Don't you see! You can go home now, Ryou! You've solved our little… well, a puzzle, if you will." He explains. Or at least tries to. I… still don't fully comprehend what he means. Puzzle? Of what, finding out that my time and this one share a few things? Where's the puzzle in that!

Ra would have rolled his eyes, had he proper ones. "Ryou, the reason why we sent you there… was so that you could see what you were doing to yourself! It wasn't a glamorous place… but that's what you kept thinking at the time when you were alive! It wasn't particularly a friendly thing to do, but you'll forgive us. I'm sure of it."

I freeze, and finally unglue my lips from each other to speak. "What?"

"I thought you were a bright student, Ryou," Osiris says, shaking his head, "But, all right… we can take away our mysterious-Ness, if you insist."

I give him a small, impatient nod. "I do."

Ra clears his throat.

"You just thought to yourself in the hospital room, that some of the people you knew would be better off dead… because you would get more interaction from those who were dead. It was only natural that you would feel left out, Ryou… but sometimes, you humans can take things to the extreme."

At this, I feel my anger rise. I grip the sides of my pants, biting my lip to keep myself from blowing.

"So we decided to show you what that would really be like," Ra continues, "And if it was any better. Yes, we agree that your friends were very unfair… they neglected you and gave no other times with which you could rearrange. It was highly frustrating for you, I believe, and I can tell that it didn't help your already depressed state.

"And when Yugi forgot your birthday… when you screamed at him… that was actually his rage and hurt from that night when you were refused accommodation at his house. I am not saying that he should have been angry, but that is what mortals become when faced with living proof that they… well, quite bluntly, are forgetful and neglecting idiots."

I jump at the memory. Yes, I can see it now… it was my seventeenth, and only Bakura had remembered. Once I had given him his present, very tearfully, I had raced out. I went to Yugi's house… and I almost wanted to slit his throat, I felt so angry, so… rejected. It was so degrading; knowing that one of my supposed best friends had forgotten my birthday. I felt so hurt, so alone… it had hurt me so much that I hit him, right across his face. I would have done the same to Yami, had Bakura not dragged me away, screaming at their wrongs. They had deserved it… but now, thinking about that…

Didn't that just drive them away from me further?

Ra can tell that something has clanked into place, and grins.

"Yes, Ryou… As for Seto and Jou. They are… well; Seto is a possessive man. He has not known love for quite a while now… and when Jou came along, and their feelings revealed…"

"… He never wanted to let anyone else have a chance of knowing him, in case they stole his heart," Osiris cut through, desperate to say something. "Contributing to that fact was the thought that he couldn't fully trust anyone… not after Gozaburo. His heart is still scarred, even now, but Seto has finally learned to bury what is in the past, and live more in the present. Which is what _you should be doing with Bakura_!" Osiris says, putting great emphasis on his last few words.

I give them a wry look.

"But how am I to do that… when I am not even where Bakura is?"

Ra gives me a smirk. "Hilarious. We are not quite finished.

"Mokuba felt that way for at least three weeks… but will never take a gun to Jou. He is now seen as a part of the Kaiba family… and I wouldn't be surprised if something like that actually happens soon, either. Seto is a romantic at heart."

"Ooh, spoilers," I say with sarcasm, but my heart racing at the thought that Bakura isn't that far away. "And?"

Osiris continues from here onwards.

"And for the time difference… well, that was to make you ponder for a while, which would give you some time to experience life how you saw it before you died. It wasn't a nice place that you lived in, Ryou… which you so found out for real.

"And, yes… the eventual and final thing… Marik stabbing you…" Osiris pauses, his face not moving. A small cloud of colour seems to focus in one part of the Gods eyes, and I assume that it means he is staring at me. "… You've never really known him after Battle City, and so guessed what he was like. He has improved dramatically… that is why even Yugi has forgiven him. That is why Malik and him are having a… relationship, if you will."

I raise an eyebrow. "Like I would be, if SOMEBODY would just let me go home."

The two homosexuals smile at me. "To call back an old friend," Ra goes on, raising a hand. "Anubis!"

At this, a wave of cold air washes over me, but I don't shiver out of that… but from excitement. The Jackal-headed God appears and, after a very short conversation in Egyptian between the two friends, Anubis beckons me. His red orbs seem to glare at me, but I think it may just be the colour, because his highly sharp teeth are showing in a pleasing manner.

"Ready to go home now, Ryou?"

Oh, like he needs to ask. Before I leave, I turn to face Ra and Osiris.

"Well, thanks, I guess, for putting me through that… it's given me a real insight. I doubt I'll ever cry again… I'll be too afraid of what you two might do to me!"

Osiris laughs, but Ra merely frowns.

"You can still feel, Ryou. Just savour what you have now with Bakura. Have a good life, Ryou… I hope that the next time I see you is on more happy grounds." He raises a hand, and wishes me something in Egyptian. Osiris repeats the phrase, just as I feel my body being lifted from the ground. This time, I don't struggle. I turn back to face Anubis, ready to thank him also, but his smile simply widens, and he raises his hand… whispering something I doubt I shall never fully comprehend.

And then, a bright light…

It begins to fade away, and my heart is pounding rapidly against my chest. My stomach tightens in anticipation, and I can only dream of what is to come.

I can only hope that it is something I will appreciate.

Yami's koi: well, folks… the next chapter is definitely the last.

Nefertiri: since none of you will bother doing this, I will… WAHOO! IT'S GONNA BE ALL OVER! YAY!

Ryou: yay… I'm with Bakura soon…

Bakura: don't say that… she'll probably have made the Gods ditch you in your own mind, self-pity and pain again. **(Sweatdrops)**

Yami's koi: yeah… I could. Anyway, what did you think of the twist? Unexpected? Like I said, I thought it up whilst at a theme park… and on the rebound from my own painful times. I have escaped that all now… but I have fresh scars, at the same time. Um… Oopsie?

Nefertiri: the legal thing?

Yami's koi: oh, yeah. An email from someone whom I can't name due to privacy guidelines, and a review from a person who I dare no name due to the same reason… I will not, sadly, be including a list of who I have received reviews off. I'm not sure if it's true, but it's best to be on the safe side, right? Oh, and, should the next chapter be in the present time, with Bakura and Ryou's reactions written separately, or can I PLEEEAAASSSEE write it in the past tense? Tell me which you think is best, otherwise I will end up writing crap. Well… anyway… please, R&R people… **(Pokes tattoo) **… Ja ne, until I write the next and final chapter.

PS: Just in case anyone is curious about what I meant about my sexuality changing in the other AN, I meant I decided that I'm bi. **(Winks). **Don't like that? I'm not doing anyone harm.


	19. Ryou returns, and a look into the future

Yami's koi: **(Dodgy sad music begins) **And so, here it is… the last ever Author Note I shall ever write at the beginning of a chapter of Hikari Suicide…

Nefertiri: unless you decide to do a lemon on adultfan.

Yami's koi: let's see what the reviewers think. Anyway, I've decided to write this in the present tense, which was the clear solution at the start, really… um, so. I honestly do not want this story to end. Hey, wait, that's not right… I should actually start writing things like that once I've written the chapter… So. Here's the nineteenth – and final - instalment of Hikari Suicide.

Finally, the light seems to have faded. I lower my hand from my eyes, which I had cast up to shield my gaze, and stand properly. I am very aware that I must look quite dirty, and so nervously run a hand through my hair.

As my eyes adjust, I sense someone in front of me move, and then gasp. I open my eyes fully, and then my eyebrows rise.

It's… It's Yugi Mutou. Memories of him throwing me out come flooding back to me, and I am, for a moment, scared. But now, as I look into his beautiful amethyst eyes (oh yes… I'm totally camp right now…), I can see that he is both shocked and tearful. I raise my arms weakly, shakily, and he races into them.

I bear the impact of his unexpected weight, releasing a short gasp when he jumps. He wraps his legs around my waist: his arms around my neck, hugging me tightly. Now, this is the kind of thing I'd appreciate from Bakura… but not Yugi. He must really have missed me… and this kind of touch is, in turn, making me feel warm and truly happy inside. It has been years, it feels like, since I have felt an embrace.

Fuck knows how I would have lasted a week in that shit hole.

It is now that I realise he is crying on me.

"Oh Ryou… I thought… was so worried…" He whispers to me, making me shiver. His breath is tickling my ear, and I suddenly realise that they're overly sensitive. "… When you died, I… Oh my God… I've really missed you…"

I sigh, closing my eyes as I return the embrace. "I've missed you too," I murmur, kissing the boy's shoulder in an attempt to get him off me. He simply tenses, and I roll my eyes. "Well… no offence, but I haven't eaten and you're… heavy…"

I hear a rustling behind me: someone standing up. Then I hear a warm, deep, but trembling voice… and my eyes instantly fill with tears.

"R… Ryou?"

_**Bakura**_

The light dims, and my arm lowers itself. Well, if I had known that the Gods were going to make such an interesting, blinding entry, I would have fucking… -

Oh… Ra. Snowy white hair, with spikes just a little less aggressive-looking than my own, has a hand running through it, nervously. So much like myself. His shirt is slightly dirty, with speckles of blood on it around the sides that hug Ryou's hips, but I don't care. All that I care about is that the love of my life is back with me, right in this room.

I hear a gasp then, from Yugi, no doubt. Ryou doesn't move, I think he is shocked to be back… I cannot explain how I am feeling right now; waves of happiness and shock course through my veins, and I feel the link spark back into life. It doesn't hurt, but I feel even more warmth emanating from my hikari as he allows himself to be hugged by a weeping Yugi Mutou.

Yugi whispers some bull about missing Ryou… yeah, right, like he can compare having the love of your life, best friend and hikari taken away from you all at once. I am not, however, angry. Tears begin to from in my eyes, as I see Ryou kiss Yugi's shoulder – but I sense it is in a friendly manner.

"Well… no offence, but I haven't eaten and you're… heavy…" Ryou manages to say, his voice sounded somewhat strained. I understand that it must be both from hunger and form bearing Yugi's weight, little though it may be.

Shakily I rise to a stand, my clothes making a small sound as I do so. I set my eyes on Ryou's back, wishing he would turn around.

"R… Ryou?" I ask nervously, my deep voice holding a slight waver in it from emotion.

_**Ryou**_

No… fucking way. I dare not turn around… in case this is a wonderful dream… but my feet instruct me otherwise. They turn me slowly around, and I am faced with Bakura.

His hair looks slightly damp, like he's taken a shower or something. His face too, is wet, but from looking into his beautiful, wide eyes, I know they are from tears. I swallow, my own tears managing to break free to fall down my cheeks. His eyes sweep down my body for a moment, and I feel his emotions, hear his thoughts so loud and clear from his side of the link that I almost break down into a little giggling girl.

I watch as he quietly, slowly advances, my heartbeat increasing with every step that he takes. A finger rises and brushes away my tears, then some stray bangs that had fallen into my eyes.

"Ryou…" He murmurs, his arms curling around my waist tightly. Our lips aren't touching quite yet, but I can tell that it won't be long now… won't be long until I am finally back where I should have belonged so long ago.

"I love you, Kura…" I whisper, smiling widely. I can't believe this has happened to me… I have had true happiness right here, in the arms of my yami, all this time… but I just didn't have the time to acknowledge it.

Bakura's own smile gets wider. "Aishiteru, Ryou…" He whispers, before our lips finally meet.

_**Bakura**_

Almost as if it's happening in slow motion, Ryou responds to my quiet call. His body turns to face me, tears gathering in his eyes. I can see him taking in my appearance, and I feel, for a moment, really bad that he is seeing me looking so shitty: dark rings under my eyes, damp hair. But deep down, I know that Ryou doesn't mind, but there's always going to be something inside of me that forces me to look good for him… my lover.

My own eyes glance down his body, taking in his slender, but secretly strong appearance… His watery, but happy smile… And his tearful, chocolate-coloured eyes. I have to do something about that.

I almost kill myself when I move slowly, but I dare not move too quickly… just in case this is all a dream. I raise my hand and wipe away his tears – he is too beautiful for his eyes to give birth to something attributed so much with sorrow. I then brush away his bangs so that I can stare into his eyes better.

"Ryou…" I mutter softly, my arms resting at the small of his back. We're quite close, but our lips aren't quite touching yet… and it is killing me, knowing I can have him, but I must prolong my own torture to hear those three little words again.

Right on cue, I hear them. "I love you, Kura…" His smile gets even wider – I think he too, is amazed at how we had never thought of seeking comfort in each other before. Maybe it's just me reading into this too much, but his eyes seem to flicker down me every so often… Nah. I must be imagining things.

"Aishiteru, Ryou…" I answer quietly. Not able to stand it anymore, I press our lips together.

_**Ryou**_

Oh… my god… My head spins as I circle my own arms around Bakura's back, our lips stroking against each other. His warm, velvety tongue then licks across my lower lip, and I give him access into my mouth, sighing as we do so.

Our tongues dance together sweetly, his taste so exotic and warm to me. His lips are so soft as they move across mine, his tongue so hot and moist as it caresses my own… this moment is perfect. Our link is alive with what we feel for each other, and I moan when one hand presses into the back of my neck, deepening the kiss. I feel somewhat satisfied at that, knowing that Bakura – King of Thieves, general bastard at times – wants more of me. Me! his complete opposite, for fuck's sake!

No matter what ever happens after this, I hope that I will never, ever forget this moment… the emotions, the loving touches, the scent of my yami… This is pure bliss. I can only hope that Bakura is experiencing the same as what I am.

_**Bakura**_

Fucking hell… His lips are so soft and warm. I tease him by sucking gently on his lower lip, before begging for entrance with my tongue. His mouth parts, and I meet with his hot tongue.

Ryou… Mmmm, you taste so sweet, just like how you used to be, all that time ago. Just like your old smile, the one I just saw and cherished… So wide, and sincere – like there was nothing out there in the world that could ever bother you. I can… feel his love for me, as well as need for something that I have dreamed about for a painfully long time now, and my hand rests at the nape of his neck, keeping him near to me.

The link has never been so precious to me, and I send waves of tenderness and lust, responding to what he is sending me, back down the bond. His responses are getting greater and greater, though I hardly doubt he knows it. I myself am very absorbed in this kiss, in the feel of his velvety warm tongue caressing over mine…

However, all great things such as this must come to an end. I kiss my hikari on the lips softly before withdrawing properly, eyes half-lidded in happiness. Ryou's eyes are alive with absolute bliss, and I feel a small wave of smug satisfaction that I am the one to draw this from him, me. A heartless bastard of a Tomb Robber is capable of this beautiful love.

Oh, Ryou… If this is a dream, don't wake me up…

**_((Ryou… I love you so much…)) _**I murmur down the link, receiving a delightful blush from the boy in front of me.

_((I love you too, my yami…) _He whispers, eyelashes fluttering unknowingly. He is very cute… It makes my heart want to melt, which isn't something easy to admit when you're supposed to be someone as evil as myself. Oh well.

As long as Ryou is in love with whatever I am, then I am content, because I would rather him love me for who I am, than the person he wishes I was.

Then, reality comes back to haunt me.

"Woot! Get in there, Bakura!" Yugi cries out, obviously overjoyed that Ryou and me have gotten together… at long fucking last, but I didn't say that because it would ruin the moment. So there.

"Yes, congratulations, Bakura," Yami whispers, and I give him a large, trademark smirk.

"What's wrong, speechless because you've actually witnessed how you kiss properly?" I ask mockingly, kissing Ryou on the cheek. I still can't believe that he is back with us, right here in my arms… and so in love with me.

_**Ryou**_

I love this man whose tongue is stroking ever so sensually against my own… Reluctantly, I hope, he ends the kiss, giving me a very small peck to show even more affection for me.

**_((Ryou… I love you so much…)) _**Bakura whispers down our shared mind link, and I feel my cheeks redden. I am surprised that I do this – I am actually something like what I used to be, before all of this shit? Oh well. I guess miracles can happen.

_((I love you too, my yami…)) _Is my breathy, delighted response, and I feel my eyes close very slightly for a few seconds. I know little in how to seduce someone, but I sincerely hope I just didn't make an idiot out of myself there. I've been his lover for less than five minutes – I don't want him to be laughing at me now, do I? He is, after all, the sole… well, main reason… why I tried so hard to return as quickly as possible to this place.

This beautiful moment is, however, short-lived, so I do not know how Bakura reacted to my probably shoddy attempt at eyelash batting. And who is to blame? Why, no other than Yug Mutou…

"Woot! Get in there, Bakura!" He exclaims happily, watching us with great approval. I manage to somehow suppress another blush, but instead replace it with a small-satisfied smile.

"Yes, congratulations, Bakura," The King of Games manages, and I feel more than see my beautiful Bakura give him a very evil grin. Immediately I know he is about to make a comment about his comment, but I decide not to comment myself, in case my comment is just as lame and stupid as this one.

"What's wrong, speechless because you've actually witnessed how you kiss properly?" He questions evilly, giving me another small kiss on my burning cheek. From his mind link, I can tell that he is amazed… But I think it is because someone as pure and as innocent as myself has fallen in love with him, the creature of darkness.

Man, that sentence really needs revising now, doesn't it? It's something that I should have said, in that perfect world I keep thinking about.

But now I am grateful that I no longer need to focus on an imaginary world. Bakura has shown me that the perfect world can be that of one when they are in love, so long as everything works out according to plan. Perhaps not everyone can appreciate this, but I don't want to know why they feel so heartless about this sacred, beautiful thing called love.

Seriously, though. If I get any sappier, people will begin to mistake me for Yugi. And I wouldn't want that now, would I?

"Maybe they are, Bakura, but I think they should go practise right now at their house, since I'm so… Well, _tired_," I say teasingly, rubbing my knee very suggestively against Bakura's groin.

Bakura purrs, and jabs his thumb to Yami and Yugi. His eyes narrow ever so slightly, and my stomach tightens: that look is so sexy…

"There's the door, gies. Please leave… I wouldn't want my poor baby to be tired now, would I?" He grins, knowing only too well what I meant – his mind is too focused on that subject to not take anything in a sexual way, after all.

Yugi nods, and Yami is dragged out of the room by his hikari's small hands. Before I can look up at Bakura, I feel myself being pushed back into the sofa, and his lips are back on mine.

_**Bakura**_

Fucking hell… now I know why the Pharaoh gets boner's so easily… hikari's can be so hot when they want to be. My groin begins to react at the feel of Ryou's leg rubbing against it, and I groan very quietly, very slowly.

"Maybe they are, Bakura, but I think they should go practise right now at their house, since I'm so… Well, _tired_," He whispers, and I know immediately that he is anything but sleepy. Ryou wants me to make love to him… And I'm not about to let my own wishes go unfulfilled now, am I?

I point my finger at Yami and Yugi a bit harder than I intended, but it cannot be helped… My lust is fogging over my mind.

"There's the door, gies. Please leave… I wouldn't want my poor baby to be tired now, would I?" I say with a smirk, a thousand innuendoes coming into mind with every passing second. If these two don't leave soon, then they're going to be in for some very hot action: I don't care who watches, so long as my Ryou is happy. Honestly, I would jump through a Ring of Fire, kill one thousand men, suck off any man, get my hair shaved… anything… Just to see Ryou smile. It's just something so precious to me… I don't want to sound like some sappy, clingy girl, but it's nothing but the truth.

And if you have a problem with that… Then please, go fuck yourself.

Yugi grips onto Yami's hand, pulling into where I can only hope is out of my house. I don't think Ryou sees it, but I notice Yami wink at me very slightly, and I grin before leaning down and capturing Ryou's lips, pushing us to fall backwards onto the couch.

My tongue swirls around his, hands tangling themselves in his silvery locks, before sliding down his back and inside his jeans, rubbing against his warm backside, mapping out every contour.

He moans beneath me, and I rise up, just to make him crave for me. I can tell that he is aroused – it is evident, I think, from his jeans (Take that how you will). Smiling when his eyes pout up at me, ever so cute and pleading, I lean back down and offer Ryou my entire body…

_**After their… Activities, Ryou's POV**_

Bakura leans his head against mine as we slowly calm down, wrapped in each other's arms. A thin but fluffy blanket covers us just barely, and I snuggle up with my lover further. To have ever thought I could deny this seems unbelievable now… But then, I have been saying that way too much recently. It's getting old.

He strokes my hair soothingly, and I finally catch my breath. My eyes begin to fall to a close, and I feel a light, loving kiss being pressed to my forehead, and then a whispered:

"Never forget that I love you… You've always got me…"

All that I can do in response is have a warm, satisfied feeling from within being stroked down slowly along our sleepy, tender mind link. I can barely lift my head anymore… It's really unbearable right now, the tiredness.

The only thing right now that could make this moment more perfect… Is if it stays with me forever.

_**Six years later**_

"Ryou! Come on, we're going to be late picking the kids up from school!"

I frantically brush my teeth; managing a "Coming!" after spitting out the strong-tasting alkali. Before I dart out of the room to get changed, I give myself one long, hard look in the mirror.

My scars… from where Marik stabbed me, and from where I tried to kill myself, have never faded. It's almost like my memory, really… For not one day as ever passed where I thank the Gods, knowing how lucky I am to be here, with my husband, and our two beautiful little children. I smile at myself, seeing nothing more than the innocence I had once had when I was about twelve years old… Just for one moment…

Sadly, life goes on. The look fades, and the image of myself from six years ago goes with it. I grin, and find myself some clothes (that is, the ones that Bakura hadn't torn off of me an hour ago), putting them on at top speed.

"RYOU, SWEETHEART!"

"COMING!" I call back, leaping down the stairs, running my fingers through my long, snowy hair. Bakura smiles at me at the bottom, pressing a gentle kiss to my forehead.

"I love you," He whispers, before opening the door, taking my hand as he bolts it, locks it and mutters some Egyptian incantation to further protect our beautiful little house. I almost roll my eyes at this, but Bakura gives a solid reason for doing this: He never wants anything to be taken away from him, ever again. Because the last time it happened, he almost died.

We jog to the school, and arrive there just in time to hear the bell signalling the end of the day ringing. A few minutes later, we hear the bright, happy sounds of chattering and laughing school friends, exclaiming in delight as they spot their parents, waiting for them at the gates.

And somewhere amongst the crowd, I spot two small, beautiful little boys, and I give them a large smile, running over to them frantically.

"DADDY!" They scream as I pick them both up, one in each arm, whirling them around until they complain about becoming dizzy. Bakura reaches out and takes Joel, the less energetic one of the twins, into his own arms, giving mine a break. He's so thoughtful sometimes.

I suppose now I had better describe our two little beautiful sons. I'll start with Joel, since he was born first. He has a short, messy mop of black hair, with a cute fringe that obscures some of his face – something that I doubt any of the teachers here approve of. He is the more quiet of the two, but can have his special little moments where he comes out of his shell once in a while – but I wouldn't change him for the world.

And now, we have Benjamin – but whenever you call him that, he freaks out, so now it's simply Benji, or Benj when you get to know him better. He looks so much like his twin; it's almost questionable as to if they're not just clones of each other. Beneath his messy, long fringe, he has the same azure eyes of his brother, and the same little features that make my heart swell with pride – after all, this is what I helped to raise. Benji is the louder, and therefore more mischievous of the two twins: but again, there is nothing that I would ever want to change about him.

"So, Benji… Joel… Did you two have fun one your very first day of school?" I ask, eyes brimming with happiness at the mere thought. A strong sense of pride washes over me, and I try to let it show on my face by giving the boys 'Daddy's special little smile.' It's a face I only give them to let them know that they've done really well, and that they'll be rewarded for it later on.

Benji nods frantically, giving me the strongest hug he can muster: he knows too damn well what that face means, and I love him for it. My heart swells as I feel his small little hands wrap around my neck, giving me a loving embrace.

"It was great! We made lots of new friends, Daddy, they're all so nice!" Benji giggled, poking his brother in the arm. "And Joel wet himself again."

"I did not!" Joel insisted, turning red, "At least I didn't tell Kimberley that I love her!"

"Shut up!" Benji retorted, whilst me, Bakura and his twin laugh.

"Hey, Ryou! Benj and Joel are in the same class as Amethyst is!" Yugi comes over, his tears actually falling down his cheeks. Yami stands next to him, holding a very pretty girl's hand. She has purple eyes, with gorgeous dark brown hair, and a very cute looking face. Benji and Joel squeal in excitement, squirming out of mine and Bakura's arms to talk to their long-time friend.

For one second, I step out of this perfect moment, and sigh. Nothing else could have made me happier, and I swallow back my tears… The twins are only four, and therefore too young to understand that you can also cry out of happiness, and not just from sadness. I hold onto this memory, but as I said earlier… Life goes on.

You know something, this is what I have always wanted: being in a loving family, with the love of my life and our friends… all living together in complete harmony…

… Forever.

Yami's koi: **(Cries) **Well… that's it, everyone. The final instalment of Hikari Suicide. Complete.

Nefertiri: man, is that the best ending you could have come up with? Jeez. You really do suck.

Yami's koi: shut your mouth, bitch. But man… this fic has meant a lot to me, over the past… what, has it been a year since it began? It must have been. Yeah. It was the second fic I published on this site, and at first, I didn't like it all that much… but when I think back, I realise that I didn't like it because it showed everyone my vulnerable side. 'Cause authors put a little bit of themselves into what they do, right? Well, I did just that, but also included several personal experiences in there, too, and when I read back (it took me over an hour to do so!), I thought wow. I survived a really bad period in my life… and I'm here now to tell the story.

I know that not everyone can say the same… Because they're no longer with us, and I'm sorry. My heart reaches out to every single person who ever has taken a knife to their wrists and questioned whether or not they want to live or die: I've been there. I know how hard it is to just put that knife back for one moment and think. I know that the reasons why I did cut myself… still do… they still haunt me sometimes, especially when I listen to certain songs, and I realised… I can't spend the rest of my life wishing I would die. But I can spend it knowing how much I would have missed out on: the kisses, the sights, the experiences, the tears, the everything. Sure, I may still scar myself at times, and do things I regret… but it only makes me stronger, after all.

I'm not just saying this. I know what it's like to be at a point where you're about to break for the last time. People who cut themselves are not attention seekers. They need help, yes, and maybe even a bit of love… But definitely not the label of being an attention seeker. That's just wrong.

If anyone ever wants to talk about something like this, then I have two email addresses that you can contact me on. The first is the second is . Don't hesitate, okay? Ignore the email in my profile… I'm taking that account down soon anyway. I'm always here for anyone… I'm willing to try and help. The offer's open to anyone who wants it. I don't mind: I wouldn't have offered if I wasn't being serious. Just keep me in mind.

On a lighter subject, I want to thank every last person who's ever sat there and thought, 'Hikari Suicide? Sounds good,' and actually read what I have written, and gone, 'Fuck.' Good. 'Cause that's what I want. A good author can make someone say 'holy shit,' but an amazing author has something else: the gift to make someone cry, or vomit, or do something physical that makes them change. Even if you change for just one moment, I've done my job correctly.

So, to everyone and anyone who's shown enough interest in this fic to write me a review… This is for you. And never, ever forget that your support over the past twelve months has encouraged me to make this one of my best fucking pieces yet. I love you gies. Now… I'm ending an HS chapter for one… last… time… **(Hugs and kisses) **Any form of feedback: review, an email, fanart… will be greatly appreciated.

X yamiskoi X

Yaoi and Yuri (Manga/Anime specific).

Yugi x Yami. (YGO)

Ryou x Bakura. (YGO)

Jou x Seto. (YGO)

Mokuba x Seto. (YGO)

Ryou x Yugi. (YGO)

Bakura x Yami. (YGO)

Malik x Marik. (YGO)

Yoh x Amidamaru. (Shaman King)

Horo x Ren. (Shaman King)

Anna x Jun. (Shaman King)

Amidamaru x Mosuke. (Shaman King)

Yoh x Hao. (Shaman King)

Yoh x Silva. (Shaman King)

Naruto x Sasuke. (Naruto)

Iruka x Kakashi. (Naruto)

Sakura x Ino. (Naruto)

Naruto x Iruka. (Naruto)

Goten x Trunks. (Dragonball Z)

Goten x Goku. (Dragonball Z)

Yaoi (Real person)

Bam Margera x Ville Valo. (Pro Skater/Jackass/Viva La Bam x Singer from HIM)

Migé Amour x Lily Lazer. (Bassist from HIM x Guitarist from HIM)

Lily Lazer x Ville Valo. (See above)

Migé Amour x Ville Valo. (See above)

Frank Iero x Gerard Way (MCR Guitarist x Vocalist)

Bam Margera x Johnny Knoxville. (Jackass/etc x Jackass)

Ryan Dunn x Raab Himself. (Viva La Bam x Viva La Bam)

Joel Madden x Benji Madden. (Both from Good Charlotte: Twincest!)

Pierre Bouvier x Jaret Reddick. (Lead from Simple Plan x Lead from Bowling For Soup)

Non manga/anime yaoi/yuri/het.

James x Sirius. (Harry Potter)

Harry x Sirius. (Harry Potter)

James x Sirius x Remus. (Harry Potter)

Lara Croft x Kurtis Trent. (Tomb Raider – Games not movies)

So, um, yeah… I'm quite the little perv, aren't I?


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